in the spirit of all things cap
i wrote a rap.
there's not much literary value
cos i'm really a sad sack
so ppl, pls don't go "oh, ewwww.."
i went to cap
i had a blast
there was some crap
but it didn't last.
so many cool new ppl
some hilariously lethal
conan the barbarian
with his head banging tendencies
and then there's brian
with his dumnass proclivities.
you see, he plays taiti,
with his cards for all to see.
audrey, who looked like lucy liu
was a ***damn bitch reminiscent of cleo.
but i think her her period soon ended,
cos then she was nice (pls don't get offended:)
alfian saat didn't give me his autograph.
supposedly too embarressed.
he said"i'll swing by to do it, my dearest"
but then he disappeared into the forest.
to be continued...
Friday, July 02, 2004
Saturday, June 19, 2004
hey everybody!!!am bored but i don't feel like studying. been feeling that way the whole hol, so a bit fei hua.debating whether to drink hot/warm/lukewarm/ice-cold milo. will limit myself to another 5 more mins of personal milo crisis. will write a poem for y'all!!
eeks, writer's block. well, according to most strange ppl lauded by mass population, stringing a montage of strange metaphors with looney paragraphing makes a good poem. right. and i can't write stuff that rhymes. too difficult. could sound like twinkle twinkle little star if not handled properly. borrowed this book from library which seemed pretty cool at first glance.but it turned out to be a total dud. proof that you should never judge a book by its cover. the writer is apparently a music and theatre studies lecturer. he writes like he doesn't know what a woman looks like,the poor deprived goof, much less love/sex (interchangeable nowadays). the worse thing is, most of his stuff are about those topics which he doesn't seem to know much abt. the supposedly poignant stuff turn out funny... anyway, will stop being the failing literary critic. extremely bored now,listening to whitney houston scream "i will always love you".ok.
just read keiffy's blog.
oohmytian it's DISGUSTING. couldn't stop laughing.now in the mood to write crap love poetry
oh you are my heaven
oh my love
where art thou
muacks
there u go, mah opus...:) it's even got onomaetopia (however you spell that) the sound thing.oookkk...
should i bathe first?or drink milo?or listen to whitney? i downloaded 5 different versions of "i will always love you" it's amazing she does these strange vocal gymnastic thingys all the time. plus i got one in spanish. contrary to barcelonians, spanish is not that sexy anyway.
eeks, writer's block. well, according to most strange ppl lauded by mass population, stringing a montage of strange metaphors with looney paragraphing makes a good poem. right. and i can't write stuff that rhymes. too difficult. could sound like twinkle twinkle little star if not handled properly. borrowed this book from library which seemed pretty cool at first glance.but it turned out to be a total dud. proof that you should never judge a book by its cover. the writer is apparently a music and theatre studies lecturer. he writes like he doesn't know what a woman looks like,the poor deprived goof, much less love/sex (interchangeable nowadays). the worse thing is, most of his stuff are about those topics which he doesn't seem to know much abt. the supposedly poignant stuff turn out funny... anyway, will stop being the failing literary critic. extremely bored now,listening to whitney houston scream "i will always love you".ok.
just read keiffy's blog.
oohmytian it's DISGUSTING. couldn't stop laughing.now in the mood to write crap love poetry
oh you are my heaven
oh my love
where art thou
muacks
there u go, mah opus...:) it's even got onomaetopia (however you spell that) the sound thing.oookkk...
should i bathe first?or drink milo?or listen to whitney? i downloaded 5 different versions of "i will always love you" it's amazing she does these strange vocal gymnastic thingys all the time. plus i got one in spanish. contrary to barcelonians, spanish is not that sexy anyway.
Song
Today on the bus home I heard a dangerous song.
It was venom, flowing into my ears and in my brain,
extemporaneous as a colourless surgical liquid.
It was warm and mellow, yet it quashed my insides,
fuming into descent and self rage, into an anchor in a cup of tears.
It was the slant eyed advocate, whispering in my ear lacy
Mutterings of self hate and hellish verse, and pinching my reddened
flesh to show how soft and crumbling it was.
It was the poetry of the sirens, each heartbreaking contralto
Rending the heart closer to the murderous rocks, each voiceful
quiver the slice of a nail--
Or, shall we say--
it was the soulful rhapsody on love,
curved like the body of the moon, silk thick with the blues
Of love and loss, of distance and stars, of nearness and breath,
and of the everlasting mystery of beauty, its welcome tragedy.
Every sentence an unobtainable rise or a fall, enough to dip my heart
in blood, and to sorely ache the frail dusty body which would henceforth
doubt its staunch disbelief forever after. And my bones nearly broke
themselves like monks in grief-- my body now near fatally astral and
vicarious, watching that unconquerable and hence unredeemable--
I survived, and now I am weak.
What of you churchgoer, visitor of the temple of man, the faith
of his mystery? (I know love and its convictions tingles in your limbs,
brands you like a slave.)
I think. I think I shall not tell you what the name of this
elegy of goddesses and mourn song of man is, lest its karma
one day be your irrevocable death.
joel tee
Experimenting
We don't need no safety net, we're out here on our own--
This is fledgling time:
Experiments in dusty attics
Count and do the mathematics
Free speech, free love, democratics--
And thus:
My muse, unloosed, just confuses
Perhaps the alcohol induces--
I.
We fumble in the dark:
Or you fumble, and I'm lying passive.
I'm lying now, when I say I love you.
And do you mean it, either?
Or were we just a pair of raging hormones--
You with the debonair flair
(And me, just there)
Conveniently, where
Hands in the dark meant nothing, just
Simulating stimulating
Groping and
(manipulating)
--Never you mind, now, dear.
Cup of tea?
Me? (Shall we?)
Fake your innocence: this is daylight; not the time to play with fire.
(Our situation isn't really
that dire--
we're too young
for desire.)
Liar.
II.
Number two was found in a fit of blue
But was unfortunately too straight to do anything with.
Nevertheless:
This was an unknowing inspiration; a summer waxed and waned
And passed me by, and was filled with memories of you.
I still remember the fragments, now, and the glass
pieces have been picked up and put into boxes and labelled safely
behind distant windows.
And wink at me, kindly, and I forget how they cut, then.
III.
The next was fully a year later.
Less intense; drifting incense of my passion burning it away
Keeping up the pretence (better this way)
That this
Was an unrhythmic uncyclical phase
(life's an irregular
chase,
anyway)
And I'm still caught up in this tangled web of roses
My prose's all about love, now, or lust--
And there's that song, you know, about how
The Girls: capitalised, italicised, romanticised in Italian and brought back down
Sharply
Precipitate a reaction that's not worth what you give it.
And dreams, now, and teasing behind the drapes
And familiar shapes in the half-dark of the room
(not the bedroom, you'd never be caught here with me:
Suspect me of date rape
whatever.)
Italicise me, romanticise me, remind me and mind me
And rewind your memories, when this is twenty years behind me
And Realise (yes, capitalised) that this is what binds me:
That I am a Girl.
--to you, and you were kind to me.
IV.
I never learn, do I.
Juggling two at once
Tuppence, I thought--it's experimental!
(and, of course, detrimental
to our mental health, but never mind)
So we promised to kiss.
We haven't yet.
kelly lai
ahhh.. in love with their writing. ok, somewhat intimidated now, what are we supposed to do together? he seems awfully worldly, hope i don't spontaneously combust once everyone discovers i'm dumb.i should stop saying that. so implusible. so fluctant. i never could stand those weak changelings. now i'm just another one.argh, i actually get nervous before calling han. what if he screams at me?what if he hangs up? [it's my phone dammit.]
right. haven't written anything for quite a while now, not in the mood for poetry. it seems so flippant next to econs. i love econs. sadly, love is unrequited, this is probably the only crush i'll ever have in jc - on a subject. yayzers.
but whatever.need to get in the mood before cap. will not be overtly concerned with how my poetry fares against mr joel poet laureate tee.can't stand it, i wished i wrote "song".hrmph.
Today on the bus home I heard a dangerous song.
It was venom, flowing into my ears and in my brain,
extemporaneous as a colourless surgical liquid.
It was warm and mellow, yet it quashed my insides,
fuming into descent and self rage, into an anchor in a cup of tears.
It was the slant eyed advocate, whispering in my ear lacy
Mutterings of self hate and hellish verse, and pinching my reddened
flesh to show how soft and crumbling it was.
It was the poetry of the sirens, each heartbreaking contralto
Rending the heart closer to the murderous rocks, each voiceful
quiver the slice of a nail--
Or, shall we say--
it was the soulful rhapsody on love,
curved like the body of the moon, silk thick with the blues
Of love and loss, of distance and stars, of nearness and breath,
and of the everlasting mystery of beauty, its welcome tragedy.
Every sentence an unobtainable rise or a fall, enough to dip my heart
in blood, and to sorely ache the frail dusty body which would henceforth
doubt its staunch disbelief forever after. And my bones nearly broke
themselves like monks in grief-- my body now near fatally astral and
vicarious, watching that unconquerable and hence unredeemable--
I survived, and now I am weak.
What of you churchgoer, visitor of the temple of man, the faith
of his mystery? (I know love and its convictions tingles in your limbs,
brands you like a slave.)
I think. I think I shall not tell you what the name of this
elegy of goddesses and mourn song of man is, lest its karma
one day be your irrevocable death.
joel tee
Experimenting
We don't need no safety net, we're out here on our own--
This is fledgling time:
Experiments in dusty attics
Count and do the mathematics
Free speech, free love, democratics--
And thus:
My muse, unloosed, just confuses
Perhaps the alcohol induces--
I.
We fumble in the dark:
Or you fumble, and I'm lying passive.
I'm lying now, when I say I love you.
And do you mean it, either?
Or were we just a pair of raging hormones--
You with the debonair flair
(And me, just there)
Conveniently, where
Hands in the dark meant nothing, just
Simulating stimulating
Groping and
(manipulating)
--Never you mind, now, dear.
Cup of tea?
Me? (Shall we?)
Fake your innocence: this is daylight; not the time to play with fire.
(Our situation isn't really
that dire--
we're too young
for desire.)
Liar.
II.
Number two was found in a fit of blue
But was unfortunately too straight to do anything with.
Nevertheless:
This was an unknowing inspiration; a summer waxed and waned
And passed me by, and was filled with memories of you.
I still remember the fragments, now, and the glass
pieces have been picked up and put into boxes and labelled safely
behind distant windows.
And wink at me, kindly, and I forget how they cut, then.
III.
The next was fully a year later.
Less intense; drifting incense of my passion burning it away
Keeping up the pretence (better this way)
That this
Was an unrhythmic uncyclical phase
(life's an irregular
chase,
anyway)
And I'm still caught up in this tangled web of roses
My prose's all about love, now, or lust--
And there's that song, you know, about how
The Girls: capitalised, italicised, romanticised in Italian and brought back down
Sharply
Precipitate a reaction that's not worth what you give it.
And dreams, now, and teasing behind the drapes
And familiar shapes in the half-dark of the room
(not the bedroom, you'd never be caught here with me:
Suspect me of date rape
whatever.)
Italicise me, romanticise me, remind me and mind me
And rewind your memories, when this is twenty years behind me
And Realise (yes, capitalised) that this is what binds me:
That I am a Girl.
--to you, and you were kind to me.
IV.
I never learn, do I.
Juggling two at once
Tuppence, I thought--it's experimental!
(and, of course, detrimental
to our mental health, but never mind)
So we promised to kiss.
We haven't yet.
kelly lai
ahhh.. in love with their writing. ok, somewhat intimidated now, what are we supposed to do together? he seems awfully worldly, hope i don't spontaneously combust once everyone discovers i'm dumb.i should stop saying that. so implusible. so fluctant. i never could stand those weak changelings. now i'm just another one.argh, i actually get nervous before calling han. what if he screams at me?what if he hangs up? [it's my phone dammit.]
right. haven't written anything for quite a while now, not in the mood for poetry. it seems so flippant next to econs. i love econs. sadly, love is unrequited, this is probably the only crush i'll ever have in jc - on a subject. yayzers.
but whatever.need to get in the mood before cap. will not be overtly concerned with how my poetry fares against mr joel poet laureate tee.can't stand it, i wished i wrote "song".hrmph.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
ah well, just finished reading everybody's blogs...apparently no one is doing ANY studying..lol, wonder how much of that i should believe, anway, it's stupid, but somehow it makes me feel better, even though i know those toads have been MUGGING!!! econs tys open beside me now, i've been on the same page for the past five hours. i'm getting really good at economies of scale,lol...
argh, got into MAJOR trouble with parents for lack of fillial piety..dad was yelling abt how i spend time giving free tuition to ouutsiders but never bothering to help with the family's needs. i do!!i sweep, clean, cook..when i told him that he threatened to slap auntie millet "THEN WHY THE FUCKING HELL DO I HIRE HER FOR???!!!"
proceeded to swear at me for next 15 mins, which wasn't the worst bit. stupid sister, after returning from england, started behaving in her pom pous anglophillic way, and didn't even stand up for me. argh, n she's not that fillial either, u know.only avoided screaming session by pretending ot be asleep. she woke right up the minute dad went downstairs.argh, she still has the cheek to talk to me abt the royal shakespeare theatre. since when was sharkespeare royalty anyway?and the play wasn't even some blockbuster tragedy...it was "THE LION KING". apparently she now thinks it's the best work of literature ever.
honestly, i was just having a frank talk w my mom 3 days ago on how all her children suck, and that she had better not bequeth anything to us, keep some money for herself, in case her bastard children abandon her n she has problems with spousal infidelity or something. she smiled the wane smile of realising that i'm right (hey, at least i admit that i'm not a very good kid), but at the same time wanting me to shut up.seriously, i hope that i won't grow up to be like those money grubbing bitches on tv who dump their parents in weird homes with strange redlippedcurlyhairedfullboobied nurses. that's why the gov. should subsidising old folk's homes, it's so cheap now it's convenient to dump your parents there..tsk.
anyway, cos of my total lack of morality, my parents forbid me to go out, i'm missing the sentosa trip..but still...HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRY!!! u guys could send me some pics and i could probably super-impose my face next to qing. or something. argh, still have a few more days to mug before block tests, need to do well so that mr barnard won't think i'm stupid. and so that i won't think i'm stupid. ditto for all the people i know. so that THEY (no one in particular...just, um, EVERYBODY~!!!@@#$#) won't think i'm stupid. sigh, i refuse to be stuck in this cycle of mediocrity all my life, determined to get SOME kind of scholarship.
anyway, on to happier things...
lemme think...
i lost 100g
i have 5 chocolate bars at home.
there's buffy tonight.
yep, that's abt it..:)ahh.. in bliss.
*rudely interrupted by asshole named handoko*
he's the absolute bastard n he ranks up there with my brother on the list of pple who piss me off most. was so angry i almost cried. no classmate has ever made me cry since pri one when the stupid bitch stole my pink crayon.this F#@$#@ asshole hasn't returned me my phone, and his attitude about it was plain wrong. i mean he asked me to stop bugging him cos "he needed to study for his geog". wtf, as if our phone conversations ever last past 3 mins.then he promptly proceeded to HANG UP ON ME. being the alpha female who would not stand to be bullied, i called back to retaliate, but, guess what, he asked his maid to blow me off. "he nn nnooo in now". for pete's sake i could HEAR HIM SAY "tell her i'm out" in the background . fucking asshole. just talking abt it makes me so pissed.
then i called his mommy the next day.
gracious tongwei didn't bitch abt the bastard to his mommy, instead, i very politely requestred that my phone be procured as soon as possible. starting to regret tht i didn't use stronger language. he certainly didn't rein in on the profanities.argh.
pw is not going anywhere either, ocs it seems that only ruilin n me are doing the proiject. melvin is another asshole, i have yet to receive any work done by him at all, but peck tells me he's always online. why the hell are u not participating in pw if you have so much time to go online!?!?!?! u sad bastard, i'm not going to give you a good grade at the end of pw. but then again, melvin has gained a rep for being an asshole, so i guesss he's not expecting a v good grade either. life is ruled and ruined by various assholes all over the place.
"and i rise from the ash
with my red hair
and i eat men like air"
!@#@#@%$#@ to all the bastards out there.mess with someone else.humph.
argh, got into MAJOR trouble with parents for lack of fillial piety..dad was yelling abt how i spend time giving free tuition to ouutsiders but never bothering to help with the family's needs. i do!!i sweep, clean, cook..when i told him that he threatened to slap auntie millet "THEN WHY THE FUCKING HELL DO I HIRE HER FOR???!!!"
proceeded to swear at me for next 15 mins, which wasn't the worst bit. stupid sister, after returning from england, started behaving in her pom pous anglophillic way, and didn't even stand up for me. argh, n she's not that fillial either, u know.only avoided screaming session by pretending ot be asleep. she woke right up the minute dad went downstairs.argh, she still has the cheek to talk to me abt the royal shakespeare theatre. since when was sharkespeare royalty anyway?and the play wasn't even some blockbuster tragedy...it was "THE LION KING". apparently she now thinks it's the best work of literature ever.
honestly, i was just having a frank talk w my mom 3 days ago on how all her children suck, and that she had better not bequeth anything to us, keep some money for herself, in case her bastard children abandon her n she has problems with spousal infidelity or something. she smiled the wane smile of realising that i'm right (hey, at least i admit that i'm not a very good kid), but at the same time wanting me to shut up.seriously, i hope that i won't grow up to be like those money grubbing bitches on tv who dump their parents in weird homes with strange redlippedcurlyhairedfullboobied nurses. that's why the gov. should subsidising old folk's homes, it's so cheap now it's convenient to dump your parents there..tsk.
anyway, cos of my total lack of morality, my parents forbid me to go out, i'm missing the sentosa trip..but still...HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRY!!! u guys could send me some pics and i could probably super-impose my face next to qing. or something. argh, still have a few more days to mug before block tests, need to do well so that mr barnard won't think i'm stupid. and so that i won't think i'm stupid. ditto for all the people i know. so that THEY (no one in particular...just, um, EVERYBODY~!!!@@#$#) won't think i'm stupid. sigh, i refuse to be stuck in this cycle of mediocrity all my life, determined to get SOME kind of scholarship.
anyway, on to happier things...
lemme think...
i lost 100g
i have 5 chocolate bars at home.
there's buffy tonight.
yep, that's abt it..:)ahh.. in bliss.
*rudely interrupted by asshole named handoko*
he's the absolute bastard n he ranks up there with my brother on the list of pple who piss me off most. was so angry i almost cried. no classmate has ever made me cry since pri one when the stupid bitch stole my pink crayon.this F#@$#@ asshole hasn't returned me my phone, and his attitude about it was plain wrong. i mean he asked me to stop bugging him cos "he needed to study for his geog". wtf, as if our phone conversations ever last past 3 mins.then he promptly proceeded to HANG UP ON ME. being the alpha female who would not stand to be bullied, i called back to retaliate, but, guess what, he asked his maid to blow me off. "he nn nnooo in now". for pete's sake i could HEAR HIM SAY "tell her i'm out" in the background . fucking asshole. just talking abt it makes me so pissed.
then i called his mommy the next day.
gracious tongwei didn't bitch abt the bastard to his mommy, instead, i very politely requestred that my phone be procured as soon as possible. starting to regret tht i didn't use stronger language. he certainly didn't rein in on the profanities.argh.
pw is not going anywhere either, ocs it seems that only ruilin n me are doing the proiject. melvin is another asshole, i have yet to receive any work done by him at all, but peck tells me he's always online. why the hell are u not participating in pw if you have so much time to go online!?!?!?! u sad bastard, i'm not going to give you a good grade at the end of pw. but then again, melvin has gained a rep for being an asshole, so i guesss he's not expecting a v good grade either. life is ruled and ruined by various assholes all over the place.
"and i rise from the ash
with my red hair
and i eat men like air"
!@#@#@%$#@ to all the bastards out there.mess with someone else.humph.
Monday, June 07, 2004
ah well, getting nostalgic,realised i'm starting to miss crescecnt, even though the last two yrs weren't that great, but still fondly recall some 4c1 ppl.. shiwen,quiying,shrads,gek,tracey,wila,abby,terri,daphne, ppl sitting at the right side of the class, right by position, and right by character:)we had some fun times, i still remember the time when hui ee was convinced that our sub was actually a male masquerading as a female, she had an awkward bump SOMEWHERE, you see, it's all so stupid now, but it was hysterically funny then..the queer female sub is teaching at hc now, and she does have some weird underwear, which could prob explain the weird growth... anyways, just chatted w shrads online, hiaz miss them cute ppl w all eccentric habits "stand on my right!!!" (yashira)
yellow plate food stall's no. one fan.. etc, well, if it's any comfort, i still see some of them online:) guess you'll just be friends for as long as possible, then you'll part amicably, not out of choice, but ...(is this the right word?) out of convenience, this way, when you see each other on the streets, you'll wave and exchange a perfunctuary greeting..."oh, hey, she was my best friend in secondary sch. wait!!give me one second, i'm sure i can remember her name...ahh!mary!no..wait, lucy!!yes, that's it. hey!lucy!!!"
"lucy says": "oh my gaaawwwd!!!is that you?!?! wei tong!!"
30 seconds later...
yellow plate food stall's no. one fan.. etc, well, if it's any comfort, i still see some of them online:) guess you'll just be friends for as long as possible, then you'll part amicably, not out of choice, but ...(is this the right word?) out of convenience, this way, when you see each other on the streets, you'll wave and exchange a perfunctuary greeting..."oh, hey, she was my best friend in secondary sch. wait!!give me one second, i'm sure i can remember her name...ahh!mary!no..wait, lucy!!yes, that's it. hey!lucy!!!"
"lucy says": "oh my gaaawwwd!!!is that you?!?! wei tong!!"
30 seconds later...
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
drama production is FINALLY over!!! hope this post-production ecstasy will last through the next few months...production was damn tiring, but we had sooooo much fun!got to know so many science ppl i probably wouldn't have had the chance of coming into contact otherwise!bought chocs for them, but hope i will not finish the entire packet by myself before i next see them.good karma propagating within, everyone is getting better looking!with exception of HAN WHO STILL OWES ME MY PHONE.THE ASSHOLE WHO HAD THE CHEEK TO REFUSE ME MY COMPENSATION!?!?!WTH?!?!WILL MAKE HIM PAY FOR IAN'S PRESENT...WILL CALL HIS MUMMY ONE DAY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM.HAN, THAT IS, NOT IAN.
anyway, had LD elections yesterday, which i kinda screwed up
(but what's new:)..mispronounced "similarly", finally gave up and said "likewise", which was really embarressing, but nevermind, will try not to screw up the interviews.
anyway, trying my best to finish up everything,ie writing new stuff for CAP;trying to impress no one in particular;hatching schemes to bribe cool singaporean gay poets to mentor me for CAP;finishing hol hmwk;cramming for 6 subjects in time for blocj tests next month;finish reading stack of books slowly piling up (i have no idea why i complusively borrow/buy somemore books even though i haven't finished the ones at home...argh);clean up room;spend more time with dog...and friends..lol,kidding, friends come first:);lose 2kg(that's not too difficult,right???:)
tiny bit of gossip i feel compelled to share(even though u guys might not care, but i HAVE to get it out)
it's really funny, voyueristic tendencies rearing and demanding for next visual feast..kl & cp & a are embroiled in some kind of torrid gut-wrenching triangle complex.it's hilarious(to me at least
) everything is SOOO cheesy it just makes you wanna slap them...qoute "I just want you to be happy with him.."*mournful look*lol, wth says that crap?!?!pointlessly hyterical..laughing to myself again.plus super humiliating and cringe-worthy spelling mistakes(online confessions splayed over person in subject's blog)!!!here's a teaser:
"Kisses are e norishments of life"
this is funnier:
"epitomy of saneness"
ok, will stop pruriently prying and gloating, it may not even be what it seems, cos there's some weird mention of JAS (strange new character i've never heard of, may be k's ex nanyang gf, who may not even be in hc, certainly not in humans though).okaaaay, mental apology to friends who don't deserve this ridiculing, but you know what, i can't help it, it's so funny.ianity.i must be too stressed out, either that, or too deprived, i mean even ch 8 drama serials have better scripts.
shut up and turn on the tv.
anyway, had LD elections yesterday, which i kinda screwed up
(but what's new:)..mispronounced "similarly", finally gave up and said "likewise", which was really embarressing, but nevermind, will try not to screw up the interviews.
anyway, trying my best to finish up everything,ie writing new stuff for CAP;trying to impress no one in particular;hatching schemes to bribe cool singaporean gay poets to mentor me for CAP;finishing hol hmwk;cramming for 6 subjects in time for blocj tests next month;finish reading stack of books slowly piling up (i have no idea why i complusively borrow/buy somemore books even though i haven't finished the ones at home...argh);clean up room;spend more time with dog...and friends..lol,kidding, friends come first:);lose 2kg(that's not too difficult,right???:)
tiny bit of gossip i feel compelled to share(even though u guys might not care, but i HAVE to get it out)
it's really funny, voyueristic tendencies rearing and demanding for next visual feast..kl & cp & a are embroiled in some kind of torrid gut-wrenching triangle complex.it's hilarious(to me at least
) everything is SOOO cheesy it just makes you wanna slap them...qoute "I just want you to be happy with him.."*mournful look*lol, wth says that crap?!?!pointlessly hyterical..laughing to myself again.plus super humiliating and cringe-worthy spelling mistakes(online confessions splayed over person in subject's blog)!!!here's a teaser:
"Kisses are e norishments of life"
this is funnier:
"epitomy of saneness"
ok, will stop pruriently prying and gloating, it may not even be what it seems, cos there's some weird mention of JAS (strange new character i've never heard of, may be k's ex nanyang gf, who may not even be in hc, certainly not in humans though).okaaaay, mental apology to friends who don't deserve this ridiculing, but you know what, i can't help it, it's so funny.ianity.i must be too stressed out, either that, or too deprived, i mean even ch 8 drama serials have better scripts.
shut up and turn on the tv.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
The blacklist was a time of evil. No one on either side who survived it came through untouched by evil. There was bad faith and good, honesty and dishonesty, courage and cowardice, selflessness and opportunism, wisdom and stupidity, good and bad on both sides. Failure felt very much like success.
Sylvia Plath,Edge
Sylvia Plath,Edge
Thursday, May 20, 2004
thank you God, whatever u are (Y.Martel changes your outlook:),for letting me get into CAP.thank you all non-bitchy friends whom i bugged with my sub-standard poems.thank you silence for exactly that.thank you, the triumvirate alliance who threatened to trample on my pride.thank you for doing as i requested (pleaded?)--to be gentle.
thank you Plath, for making me moody, because one needs to be screwed to up write.(now, isn't that true?:)
looking very much forward to attending CAP...Can't wait to find out who my mentor is..alfian sa'at, i hope.a screwed gay.does that explain itself?
"what do you tell the woman who believes her happiness lies at the other end of a Toto queue"
-alfian sa'at
anyway, com serve was (unusually)productive today. they were holding a party when i got there, to celebrate someone's birthday or something. something.don't they hate to be reminded of their birthdays?i think i may have spoilt uncle jaya.the nurses warned me abt doing tt, "girl
he'll ask u for thing,even if unecessary one"
strangely,(have been using this word too often for comfort)everyone was strangely hungry today.so that's good, right.the thing was, i kept cogitating if they knew that their time was nearing, so they might as well grab a last, full meal or something. i prefer something.
thank you Plath, for making me moody, because one needs to be screwed to up write.(now, isn't that true?:)
looking very much forward to attending CAP...Can't wait to find out who my mentor is..alfian sa'at, i hope.a screwed gay.does that explain itself?
"what do you tell the woman who believes her happiness lies at the other end of a Toto queue"
-alfian sa'at
anyway, com serve was (unusually)productive today. they were holding a party when i got there, to celebrate someone's birthday or something. something.don't they hate to be reminded of their birthdays?i think i may have spoilt uncle jaya.the nurses warned me abt doing tt, "girl
he'll ask u for thing,even if unecessary one"
strangely,(have been using this word too often for comfort)everyone was strangely hungry today.so that's good, right.the thing was, i kept cogitating if they knew that their time was nearing, so they might as well grab a last, full meal or something. i prefer something.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
damn, this piece is good.(http://www.livejournal.com/users/epicyclical/174739.html#cutid1)
i'll never look at harry potter n gang in the sameway again.rowling would have flipped.
disclaimer:be open minded.strictly NOT for coservatives.cassie claire rocks. i posted her LOTR slasher a few months back. well, this is even better.
i'll never look at harry potter n gang in the sameway again.rowling would have flipped.
disclaimer:be open minded.strictly NOT for coservatives.cassie claire rocks. i posted her LOTR slasher a few months back. well, this is even better.
Friday, May 07, 2004
had com serve at alexandra hosipital(AH) yest.
quite awkward really, cos we were late and past the optimum timing.patients were drab and sullen, but u can't really hold them responsible or blame them.
a few interesting old ladies though, one of them particulary spritely, wonderfully energetic, but darren or whatshisname very rudely interuppted my conversation by tapping me on the shoulder to remind me to go home. Peggy (tt's her name) got...guarded and vulnerable suddenly.
"sorry, for wasting your time.u see, normally, i am at home alone, and only the stray cats come into my house.there's no one.i don't close the door, u see, so if i faint, then someone can help me." almost cried AGAIN (i still remember in sec 2, there was this visit to peace haven, n this lady called Dorothy told me to study hard and tt may God bless me..i started bawling after tt..so embarressing.mushroom had to spend like 1 hr comforting me..damn whatever happened to all my best friends...it's a curse, i tell u, but anyway,gross digression here..)
i didn't want to say tt i would visit her, because i most probably wouldn't, i didn't want to say tt i would see her again, because tt would mean she'ld have to be admitted into the hospital again.damn how do you say goodbye to someone you'll never see again?
the ladies there are .....
An obsure fascination with the serviettes provided by the hospital during mealtimes.they would save the pieces of serviettes, then tenderly fold them, affording the monogrammed wipers with the intricate care that one would bestow upon expensive origami paper(i still have the weird jap origami envelope thingy i forced sher to give me in sec 1)the serviettes would be smoothened, folded, not into any byzantine crane or whatnot, but a simple square. their existence, if you will, though it seems horribly undermining and apathetic to say tt, esp after Peggy's stories (too long, too many to write down here)they would then proceed to place these scraps of rubbish under their pillows or in their sea green pockets. wong fong ching.
i offered to throw away a horribly crumpled piece of tissue, she'd only allow me to do it after she had carressed it and gave it the once over..byebyedearnapkin.i gave her another one and she repeated the moribund cycle. i cldn't speak shanghainese, so i sat there smiling at her, smoothening her blanket.resmoothening them. i tried to get her to read the newspapers, but then it occurred to me tt she couldn't.
well, the next time i go there, i'm bringing along my chess set. or bridge anyone?
quite awkward really, cos we were late and past the optimum timing.patients were drab and sullen, but u can't really hold them responsible or blame them.
a few interesting old ladies though, one of them particulary spritely, wonderfully energetic, but darren or whatshisname very rudely interuppted my conversation by tapping me on the shoulder to remind me to go home. Peggy (tt's her name) got...guarded and vulnerable suddenly.
"sorry, for wasting your time.u see, normally, i am at home alone, and only the stray cats come into my house.there's no one.i don't close the door, u see, so if i faint, then someone can help me." almost cried AGAIN (i still remember in sec 2, there was this visit to peace haven, n this lady called Dorothy told me to study hard and tt may God bless me..i started bawling after tt..so embarressing.mushroom had to spend like 1 hr comforting me..damn whatever happened to all my best friends...it's a curse, i tell u, but anyway,gross digression here..)
i didn't want to say tt i would visit her, because i most probably wouldn't, i didn't want to say tt i would see her again, because tt would mean she'ld have to be admitted into the hospital again.damn how do you say goodbye to someone you'll never see again?
the ladies there are .....
An obsure fascination with the serviettes provided by the hospital during mealtimes.they would save the pieces of serviettes, then tenderly fold them, affording the monogrammed wipers with the intricate care that one would bestow upon expensive origami paper(i still have the weird jap origami envelope thingy i forced sher to give me in sec 1)the serviettes would be smoothened, folded, not into any byzantine crane or whatnot, but a simple square. their existence, if you will, though it seems horribly undermining and apathetic to say tt, esp after Peggy's stories (too long, too many to write down here)they would then proceed to place these scraps of rubbish under their pillows or in their sea green pockets. wong fong ching.
i offered to throw away a horribly crumpled piece of tissue, she'd only allow me to do it after she had carressed it and gave it the once over..byebyedearnapkin.i gave her another one and she repeated the moribund cycle. i cldn't speak shanghainese, so i sat there smiling at her, smoothening her blanket.resmoothening them. i tried to get her to read the newspapers, but then it occurred to me tt she couldn't.
well, the next time i go there, i'm bringing along my chess set. or bridge anyone?
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Train Ride to Malaysia
Alfian Bin Sa'at
I
Remember us,
on the platform, sitting on luggage
with our Casios and sweaters
playing hand-games, picking flat cigarette butts
and having mother scrub their soot off our fingers
with gruff tissue. Then recall
how we'd grope the bags like birthday gifts,
feeling for snacks, the biscuits you proudly packed.
Then, tugging father's sleeves, you asked:
"Are there cows in Malaysia?". A nod triggered
a glimmer of milk teeth, and you peering at the rails
that stretched into the infinite night. Such moments:
sleepy footsteps, a passing boy's yawn, the water-stained pebbles,
forgave us for what we were,
mistaking the train's hoot for a far-flung moo,
the thresh of its wheels for a clamour of bells.
II
There was a man, in a PVC jacket,
and shades petalled with fingerprints,
vampiring marlboros, oozing
phantoms. Cheekless and cheerless
he clutched a brown PVC bag
with a yellow-nailed hand as mottled
as the bag. The ring on his finger
gawked at us like the eye
of a crocodile.
There was a woman,
green-eyebrowed, self-permed,
who beat her son for peeling
skin off his lips. When he bawled,
the speckled sores stretched open
and cried like little mouths.
We shrank a little,
but never found it in our hearts
to judge.
III
You exchanged your seat with mine
because yours could not recline.
You waved at the station-master, expecting nothing,
but he winked back at you.
Hair cream had misted the windows
as passengers coughed and shoved.
Outside, someone's washing rustled
soft against the huddling trees-
a picnic of ghosts. The train hummed
a restless tune, impatient for the first piston-heave.
But we patted the insides of our pockets,
clutching tickets like fireflies.
Published in One Fierce Hour (1998)
ahhh... i feel better...
Alfian Bin Sa'at
I
Remember us,
on the platform, sitting on luggage
with our Casios and sweaters
playing hand-games, picking flat cigarette butts
and having mother scrub their soot off our fingers
with gruff tissue. Then recall
how we'd grope the bags like birthday gifts,
feeling for snacks, the biscuits you proudly packed.
Then, tugging father's sleeves, you asked:
"Are there cows in Malaysia?". A nod triggered
a glimmer of milk teeth, and you peering at the rails
that stretched into the infinite night. Such moments:
sleepy footsteps, a passing boy's yawn, the water-stained pebbles,
forgave us for what we were,
mistaking the train's hoot for a far-flung moo,
the thresh of its wheels for a clamour of bells.
II
There was a man, in a PVC jacket,
and shades petalled with fingerprints,
vampiring marlboros, oozing
phantoms. Cheekless and cheerless
he clutched a brown PVC bag
with a yellow-nailed hand as mottled
as the bag. The ring on his finger
gawked at us like the eye
of a crocodile.
There was a woman,
green-eyebrowed, self-permed,
who beat her son for peeling
skin off his lips. When he bawled,
the speckled sores stretched open
and cried like little mouths.
We shrank a little,
but never found it in our hearts
to judge.
III
You exchanged your seat with mine
because yours could not recline.
You waved at the station-master, expecting nothing,
but he winked back at you.
Hair cream had misted the windows
as passengers coughed and shoved.
Outside, someone's washing rustled
soft against the huddling trees-
a picnic of ghosts. The train hummed
a restless tune, impatient for the first piston-heave.
But we patted the insides of our pockets,
clutching tickets like fireflies.
Published in One Fierce Hour (1998)
ahhh... i feel better...
Had a horrible time today at VJC funfair. Spent $20 on worthless stuff, plus Miss ZXQ didn't show us ard, didn't pick up her phone, didn't call and generally ignored us. Humph, not to forget tt she maid me wait for 3/2 hrs on thurs....(YES, i STILL remember)
lemme see, the litany of complaints incl sucky food, exaggerated pricing, rude and stingy vj pple : "10 mins lar, water still boiling OK" ARGH. resolve to make hc funfair a more fun place.
too tired and pissed to blog anymore.
Plus, some stuff are best left unsaid.
lemme see, the litany of complaints incl sucky food, exaggerated pricing, rude and stingy vj pple : "10 mins lar, water still boiling OK" ARGH. resolve to make hc funfair a more fun place.
too tired and pissed to blog anymore.
Plus, some stuff are best left unsaid.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Love and dignity cannot coexist. Unlike faith and doubt. But that is an abstruse, recondite mathematics that i can't comprehend. The contours on the map reflect an indomitable argument, an infallible logic. The craggy earthen lines on the phyical landscape, the warts and other awkward protrudings, they fit nicely into the the wrinkled craters that are your hands. i have given you my youth, dignity, and self, which were prerequisites of loving you. The clamouring hands are like crabs in a tank,dying to grab the buoy which was to lift them out of the salt sea.But the sphinx jinx bit the rope with acicular, sharp riddles. We all know this one: what walks four-footed in the morning, two-footed in the afternoon and three-footed in the evening?
But she has many more up her incisive jaws. The Pharaohs failed to decipher them, so to protect their éclat, the riddles were unceremoniously omitted from The Book.
And so, just like the ancient Pharoahs, you chose to omit the indecipherable as well, and I am undecorously drowned in the neat white coffin you have constucted for me. My lovely, ashen bones mixed with Philosophy, Politics, and Economics -- other esoteric subjects you failed to master. Perhaps I am being spiteful, but my coffin is warmer than your embrace.
The deux ex machina overruled.
But she has many more up her incisive jaws. The Pharaohs failed to decipher them, so to protect their éclat, the riddles were unceremoniously omitted from The Book.
And so, just like the ancient Pharoahs, you chose to omit the indecipherable as well, and I am undecorously drowned in the neat white coffin you have constucted for me. My lovely, ashen bones mixed with Philosophy, Politics, and Economics -- other esoteric subjects you failed to master. Perhaps I am being spiteful, but my coffin is warmer than your embrace.
The deux ex machina overruled.
i think reverse psychology doesn't work on me any more. is it a sign of the death of naivety and a growing patina of cyniscim?or merely excessive insanity/stupidity? barnard the raconteur is much appreciated, cos everytime he mentions "studying in uk", i'll be like____tengdiduidumlalallah, which really gets me going..yay!positive encouragment!! plus i think i shall subscribe to the school of religion hereby known as good church karma.
asinine han commented that that was an inherent contradiction (elegant phrasing courtesy of yours truly. mr wahjudi used the words: "no, no like dat one")
haha, ok, fine,he didn't, anyw, tt's besides the point.some ppl have obviously never read life of pi..why can't i believe in two religions.fine, it is a bit kiasuist, but i really agree with (most) the teachings of buddhism and christianity.yay, cheers to my newly activated spiritual growth spurt!:)
yes, now to the requisite whining tt HAS to follow. risse is going to japan for three wks as a peace ambassador...WHAT?!?!?! ("peace, i hate the word, as much as i hate hell, all humanity and thee")ok lar, she didn't say tt, but that was the general vibe i got from her. risse is like (one of) the bitchiest girls in class lah!but she's smart, and i give her kudos for that...shitty lar, everyone's going for some exotic life changing mission (eg mongolia, cambodia,taiwan,japan) but i'm stuck in sg.
dammitdammitdammit.
ok, first two countries shld not really be on the list, since i was the one who didn't sign up i the first place.shall spend june hols mugging (lol..let's see..) pull off the block tests and show everyone i'm smart...haha.. geez.concurrent disembogument of arrogance anf humility= big joke.
quick.laugh.now.
i got my pw grpings two days ago. hope i don't scream at anybody.practically and calculatively speaking.-onmm, good church karma-onmm.
ok, have blogged felicititiously for an hour now...enough.
asinine han commented that that was an inherent contradiction (elegant phrasing courtesy of yours truly. mr wahjudi used the words: "no, no like dat one")
haha, ok, fine,he didn't, anyw, tt's besides the point.some ppl have obviously never read life of pi..why can't i believe in two religions.fine, it is a bit kiasuist, but i really agree with (most) the teachings of buddhism and christianity.yay, cheers to my newly activated spiritual growth spurt!:)
yes, now to the requisite whining tt HAS to follow. risse is going to japan for three wks as a peace ambassador...WHAT?!?!?! ("peace, i hate the word, as much as i hate hell, all humanity and thee")ok lar, she didn't say tt, but that was the general vibe i got from her. risse is like (one of) the bitchiest girls in class lah!but she's smart, and i give her kudos for that...shitty lar, everyone's going for some exotic life changing mission (eg mongolia, cambodia,taiwan,japan) but i'm stuck in sg.
dammitdammitdammit.
ok, first two countries shld not really be on the list, since i was the one who didn't sign up i the first place.shall spend june hols mugging (lol..let's see..) pull off the block tests and show everyone i'm smart...haha.. geez.concurrent disembogument of arrogance anf humility= big joke.
quick.laugh.now.
i got my pw grpings two days ago. hope i don't scream at anybody.practically and calculatively speaking.-onmm, good church karma-onmm.
ok, have blogged felicititiously for an hour now...enough.
Monday, April 12, 2004
i had an unimaginably spectacular time at the HC vs AC waterpolo match.i positively revelled in idol-worshipping those half-naked "sex-gods" (one day i'll look back and laugh/cringe my head off).anyway, i'm entitled to bouts of bimboticism.i think i've said this somewhere, but i feel the need to repeat it religiously to excuse sorry behavior. anyway, enjoyed ogling at those cavalier,highfalutin, but oh so pulchritudinous male specimens.eww..... waxing lyrical over himbos..love mindless superficiality, this is an absolute contrast to mr barnard's lecture earlier in the day on "The Social Contract". NONONONO.stop there brain . STOP.
Sadly,(this is to sherry) a certain coldfish was still his peremptory, disdainful self. i restrained myself from hurling expletives at him admist approx 121346576 people.argh, hasn't the goon ever heard of teamwork? i mean, he missed every single shot he fired when he could have passed to a teammate at a more strategically advantageous site.!!!?!?!?!(oops, sorry, dear keyboard) i relished noting tt he looked ******* ridiculous in his maryboop bonnet thingy he had to wear. To cap it all off (haha), hc players were accoutered in teeny highlighter orange speedos with a very "surreptitious" tick acros the penal area.
OMGICOULDN'TSTOPLAUGHING.
ahhh..anyway, ac players looked even worse in their flamingo pink trunks, man, they had the words "gigolo for rent" emblazoned across their (suspiciously hairless) chests.(metaphorically speaking of course, lest you sex-starved dimwits ou there have a literal reading of this) un/fortunately, they were admittedly better looking than those porcine ah peks in the hc team.
waterpolo is such a fun sport.
the testosterone secreting ceaslessly into the pool, the players lapping it all up, spitting it out and letting their mates have another go. the taunts, head locking (hysterical, babies fighting over a rattle come to mind).
i loved the subtle way they fouled, a secret underwater pinch/tug/pull/grab/squeeze. amazingly, the refree never seemed to miss all these offences, promtly puffing at his whistle, hereby causing those incorrigible brats to raise their hands in guilty unison. it was to the extent tt some players raised their hands in surrender even before the refree brought the friggin shrieker to his lips.
why didn't i ever watch waterpolo before??!?!?!
ok now on to the finer points of waterpolo....ahhh, shit u lar, who cares about the stupid game?lol...
next sport to "watch" : rugby.
that should be so much fun.(:
ok, good church karma still going (relatively) strong. i think going to church once in a blue moon really helps, if i adhere to marshallian theory of diminshing marginal utility.hence, going to church once a month seems viable..yay!ok, hope i don't get sent to hell after this (very sinful..lol) entry..
lol, interesting to note tt i'm always like tt after contact with acjc (remember funorama, anyone?:) thank goodness i didn't go there, imagine being like tt for the next 2 yrs. i would have shot myself if nobody beat me to it in the first place...
tw forsees influx of hatemail from ac pple...not tt they'd ever get to read this anyway.muahahahaha.
Sadly,(this is to sherry) a certain coldfish was still his peremptory, disdainful self. i restrained myself from hurling expletives at him admist approx 121346576 people.argh, hasn't the goon ever heard of teamwork? i mean, he missed every single shot he fired when he could have passed to a teammate at a more strategically advantageous site.!!!?!?!?!(oops, sorry, dear keyboard) i relished noting tt he looked ******* ridiculous in his maryboop bonnet thingy he had to wear. To cap it all off (haha), hc players were accoutered in teeny highlighter orange speedos with a very "surreptitious" tick acros the penal area.
OMGICOULDN'TSTOPLAUGHING.
ahhh..anyway, ac players looked even worse in their flamingo pink trunks, man, they had the words "gigolo for rent" emblazoned across their (suspiciously hairless) chests.(metaphorically speaking of course, lest you sex-starved dimwits ou there have a literal reading of this) un/fortunately, they were admittedly better looking than those porcine ah peks in the hc team.
waterpolo is such a fun sport.
the testosterone secreting ceaslessly into the pool, the players lapping it all up, spitting it out and letting their mates have another go. the taunts, head locking (hysterical, babies fighting over a rattle come to mind).
i loved the subtle way they fouled, a secret underwater pinch/tug/pull/grab/squeeze. amazingly, the refree never seemed to miss all these offences, promtly puffing at his whistle, hereby causing those incorrigible brats to raise their hands in guilty unison. it was to the extent tt some players raised their hands in surrender even before the refree brought the friggin shrieker to his lips.
why didn't i ever watch waterpolo before??!?!?!
ok now on to the finer points of waterpolo....ahhh, shit u lar, who cares about the stupid game?lol...
next sport to "watch" : rugby.
that should be so much fun.(:
ok, good church karma still going (relatively) strong. i think going to church once in a blue moon really helps, if i adhere to marshallian theory of diminshing marginal utility.hence, going to church once a month seems viable..yay!ok, hope i don't get sent to hell after this (very sinful..lol) entry..
lol, interesting to note tt i'm always like tt after contact with acjc (remember funorama, anyone?:) thank goodness i didn't go there, imagine being like tt for the next 2 yrs. i would have shot myself if nobody beat me to it in the first place...
tw forsees influx of hatemail from ac pple...not tt they'd ever get to read this anyway.muahahahaha.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
sodom and gomorrah
ugly, ugly, Turlington denounced.
the blinding smoke evanesce,
fat salt tears dry,
pitypity enmity, ineedtotaketheMRT!
anywhere quick tickatickati. time is ticking tickatickati.
don'tshowernow justletmeout!
justwait,i'llbequick,thenwecango,
ohnodon'tpout.
don'twastemytimeleh
pleasedon'tshout
arghh! you stupid crazy showering lout!
i can't slip past the cacophony unnoticed?
i can, you can't, don't rant rant rant.
you can't why can't
you shan't why shan't
please don't why not
i'll be done soon, i promi-
oh sod, hell, rot.
"well, if you go now, i'll look bad
if you go now, you can't come back"
what, a threat?
no, not that. just to tell you, don't regret.
humpty dumpty breaks, leaving behind
nothing. the horsemen take leave, go off for cake.
stuck in room
voicelessness of the black black computer screen
the undone bed, garden of sin
whir and choke of the oscillating fan
the faceless silent creature outside
eye on tv,
you
crossed my path, fresh from bath
poemishy sylvia plath
head in oven currypuff
hard to live with, rough and tough
you and your own
aftermath
irreversible irreparable irrevocable irresponsible irreducible irre-
ire ire bloody fire, don't you offer to pay for my cab
don't you offer to carry my bag
because it's
irreversible irreparable irrevocable irresponsible irreducible.
i pull away again away from your kisses
hisses
red paperhearts crushed
you pushed me over the
pushpushpushpushPUSH! limit
wet sweet
butterflies that decayed into germs, worms, devious Hermes
black plaguey moths.
they who threaten. you threaten.
flutter stops.
mmeeellllttttt......
butter slops.
you die. nought
but a shadow melting in my heart
but
don't think it's only the heart that b-b-breaks.
-Joel Tee
argh, this is CAP standard, probably, i think, though i hope not...
ugly, ugly, Turlington denounced.
the blinding smoke evanesce,
fat salt tears dry,
pitypity enmity, ineedtotaketheMRT!
anywhere quick tickatickati. time is ticking tickatickati.
don'tshowernow justletmeout!
justwait,i'llbequick,thenwecango,
ohnodon'tpout.
don'twastemytimeleh
pleasedon'tshout
arghh! you stupid crazy showering lout!
i can't slip past the cacophony unnoticed?
i can, you can't, don't rant rant rant.
you can't why can't
you shan't why shan't
please don't why not
i'll be done soon, i promi-
oh sod, hell, rot.
"well, if you go now, i'll look bad
if you go now, you can't come back"
what, a threat?
no, not that. just to tell you, don't regret.
humpty dumpty breaks, leaving behind
nothing. the horsemen take leave, go off for cake.
stuck in room
voicelessness of the black black computer screen
the undone bed, garden of sin
whir and choke of the oscillating fan
the faceless silent creature outside
eye on tv,
you
crossed my path, fresh from bath
poemishy sylvia plath
head in oven currypuff
hard to live with, rough and tough
you and your own
aftermath
irreversible irreparable irrevocable irresponsible irreducible irre-
ire ire bloody fire, don't you offer to pay for my cab
don't you offer to carry my bag
because it's
irreversible irreparable irrevocable irresponsible irreducible.
i pull away again away from your kisses
hisses
red paperhearts crushed
you pushed me over the
pushpushpushpushPUSH! limit
wet sweet
butterflies that decayed into germs, worms, devious Hermes
black plaguey moths.
they who threaten. you threaten.
flutter stops.
mmeeellllttttt......
butter slops.
you die. nought
but a shadow melting in my heart
but
don't think it's only the heart that b-b-breaks.
-Joel Tee
argh, this is CAP standard, probably, i think, though i hope not...
So She walked in, without her usual trounce.The harsh light slashing at her, stifling the tints in her hair.Her mormal ruddy complexion is still present, but this time for different biological reasons.She doesn't just sit, she begs the chair to hug Her. But the armless furniture ebbs away, much like others.
Tears freefalldown, and we awkwardly use the convenient napkin to dab at them. It was ridden with bulletshots, aimed at her heart, who says it doesn't b-b-break? A lipid smile is squeezed out, ironically, to comfort us; frail attempts to denounce fastidious monsters who overdemand. And undersupply. So you ask where do all these dreams go, if Elysium is denied. We provide no answers, only psuedo-comfort, because we are undergoing the same turmoil. But I refrain from liberating pent up rivers. I refuse to, not there, with the horrendous singers, prying children and THE YELLOW PEOPLE. and of course, The Chickens, suffocated with oil, but still listening.
I scour for other options (both to do in the immediate and long term sch plans), but I failed dolorously, so we turned to the ever unwavering hand of gossip, always eager to save you in neverneverknowwhattodo situations. The cheap, disgustingly relished thrill of harmless chatter, which attempts to pass of as profound inquisitions of acquaintances. 3-mth-friends........?
She vomits out an excuse to go home, vile and pungent...to grief?to continue her sobfest?to detach herself from this matrix? I would probably do all. Throw myself into Plato's gnarled arms and let him pull the plug sticking out from my skull. Wait, that's too anachronistic, scrap Plato, Neo is the new messiah.
Flown to Hell and back, we'd better have learnt something.Abyssmal writing doesn't matter, abyssmal reading does. CAP!!!!!!!dammitammmitdammit.Plea for someone to churn out 10 f******** brilliant poems and pass it to me by 31st Mar. Oops, that's today.
Tears freefalldown, and we awkwardly use the convenient napkin to dab at them. It was ridden with bulletshots, aimed at her heart, who says it doesn't b-b-break? A lipid smile is squeezed out, ironically, to comfort us; frail attempts to denounce fastidious monsters who overdemand. And undersupply. So you ask where do all these dreams go, if Elysium is denied. We provide no answers, only psuedo-comfort, because we are undergoing the same turmoil. But I refrain from liberating pent up rivers. I refuse to, not there, with the horrendous singers, prying children and THE YELLOW PEOPLE. and of course, The Chickens, suffocated with oil, but still listening.
I scour for other options (both to do in the immediate and long term sch plans), but I failed dolorously, so we turned to the ever unwavering hand of gossip, always eager to save you in neverneverknowwhattodo situations. The cheap, disgustingly relished thrill of harmless chatter, which attempts to pass of as profound inquisitions of acquaintances. 3-mth-friends........?
She vomits out an excuse to go home, vile and pungent...to grief?to continue her sobfest?to detach herself from this matrix? I would probably do all. Throw myself into Plato's gnarled arms and let him pull the plug sticking out from my skull. Wait, that's too anachronistic, scrap Plato, Neo is the new messiah.
Flown to Hell and back, we'd better have learnt something.Abyssmal writing doesn't matter, abyssmal reading does. CAP!!!!!!!dammitammmitdammit.Plea for someone to churn out 10 f******** brilliant poems and pass it to me by 31st Mar. Oops, that's today.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
incendiary
adj 1: involving deliberate burning of property; "an incendiary fire" 2: arousing to action or rebellion [syn: incitive, inflammatory, instigative, rabble-rousing, seditious] 3: capable of catching fire spontaneously or causing fires or burning readily; "an incendiary agent"; "incendiary bombs" n 1: a criminal who illegally sets fire to property [syn: arsonist, firebug] 2: a bomb that is designed to start fires [syn: incendiary bomb]
Gosh i hate han.
therefore asbestos suit needed.whatever.
adj 1: involving deliberate burning of property; "an incendiary fire" 2: arousing to action or rebellion [syn: incitive, inflammatory, instigative, rabble-rousing, seditious] 3: capable of catching fire spontaneously or causing fires or burning readily; "an incendiary agent"; "incendiary bombs" n 1: a criminal who illegally sets fire to property [syn: arsonist, firebug] 2: a bomb that is designed to start fires [syn: incendiary bomb]
Gosh i hate han.
therefore asbestos suit needed.whatever.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
I am a map that you redraw.
Follow it. The buried treasure is really there.What exists and what might exist are windowed together at the core of reality. All the separations and divisions and blind allies and impossibilities that seem so central to life are happening at its outer edges.If I cld follow the map further and if i cld refuse the false endings (the false starts don't matter), I could find the place where time stops. Where death stops. Where Love is.
I Love You.
bah, what right do i possess to write like that, I've never really liked anybody before, it may seem quite pathetic to others, sixteen and not a taste of inexorable, inexplicable love...All the pple around me are "falling in love", whatever that means.Lusting after someone?hah, plenty, but love, no one, i think..Love pierces the hands and feet, but all these psuedo-lovers, petrachan in their extolling and exaltation of love, a warped notion, too contrived.mayb i'm too disillusioned, indoctrinated by my parents' mantra, isn't their marriage a prime example of antilove? no, its not fair to say that, they've really started to bond more these past few years. it's been subtle, but definite. we're "independent" now, there's no need to run to mummy (daddy never filled the role of gibraltar anyway) everytime we fall..(though i feel ts still does that , perennially) The midnight dates, the quiet, temporary, but much needed escapades from the family, i can can only empathise and understand how irritating we can get..the ebullience when i'm around ta, when will i ever grow out of it? momentary exodus from finances, businesses, and the endless litany of problems that plague them.it's frustrating being married to my mom, she tires easily, making a ten-hour sleep ritual complusory.dad works until witching hour to put us up in this friggin place, which i think is a total waste of resources.(guilty of wastage sometimes...)hopefully we're mmoving soon, to a more economic venue.he'll get to sleep more then..wth, i mean he's forty plus already, the race is ending (the money-grubbing rat race, not the bigger one of lkife , god, i hope NOT) Love him more than i usually express it.
anyway, contemplating whether to continue running for council, with daph posted out..she seriously hates the idea of going to sa.."too distractive", she says..well, the august reputationand reverence gained fr studying in a top institution has been flung out, very unceremoniously, of the window (jonny taught me this bombastic f word w the same meaning, can't remember now.shit)whatever, does running alone really present me with an edge, cos i think to play on sympathy is underhanded..
yeah well, A11's class population has effectively been decimated with the new posting results..will miss daph... andrew made it back though, gd for him..somehow ppl have formed this impression that i have lesbo tendencies..(horrors!!)i'm not hompohobic, but i think tt's absolute shit.perfectly straight,oestrogen pumped, heterosexual girl you know...lol, mayb it's the rep of crescent working up again..
(lol..this part doesn't really connect, cos i decided to delete an embarressing thingy, now tt sen's in hc too..)
with keiffy, i think we've(almost) reached a state where its purely platonic, very comfortable with him, like with xq (no, tt's grossly unfair to xq, friend of 4 yrs, but u get my drift..)don't want this to change, i don't think we'll quarell, but drifting away seems like a ineluctable fate that has dealt its hand on so many friends whom i thought would stick around. shit, edi pops to mind, been reminicising alot lately, too often for comfort..whatever happened along the way?i'm getting tired of asking the same old question no one has an (acceptable) answer to. if by some sleight of destiny u read this, i'm sorry, let's not assign fault, let's not dwell, let's not dally in the valley(irreverent contribution..bathotic). no. do i want that, for us to start again after a gap of almost 2 years?is it a mere stasis of is it indicative of the end?do i care? do u?
stop making a scene..
but i'm not a playwright...
sometimes i want to go back to those years of innocence (its a paradox really..) rather than dither in the realms of torturous self-knowledge.
because,
nothing can come between us except each other.
Follow it. The buried treasure is really there.What exists and what might exist are windowed together at the core of reality. All the separations and divisions and blind allies and impossibilities that seem so central to life are happening at its outer edges.If I cld follow the map further and if i cld refuse the false endings (the false starts don't matter), I could find the place where time stops. Where death stops. Where Love is.
I Love You.
bah, what right do i possess to write like that, I've never really liked anybody before, it may seem quite pathetic to others, sixteen and not a taste of inexorable, inexplicable love...All the pple around me are "falling in love", whatever that means.Lusting after someone?hah, plenty, but love, no one, i think..Love pierces the hands and feet, but all these psuedo-lovers, petrachan in their extolling and exaltation of love, a warped notion, too contrived.mayb i'm too disillusioned, indoctrinated by my parents' mantra, isn't their marriage a prime example of antilove? no, its not fair to say that, they've really started to bond more these past few years. it's been subtle, but definite. we're "independent" now, there's no need to run to mummy (daddy never filled the role of gibraltar anyway) everytime we fall..(though i feel ts still does that , perennially) The midnight dates, the quiet, temporary, but much needed escapades from the family, i can can only empathise and understand how irritating we can get..the ebullience when i'm around ta, when will i ever grow out of it? momentary exodus from finances, businesses, and the endless litany of problems that plague them.it's frustrating being married to my mom, she tires easily, making a ten-hour sleep ritual complusory.dad works until witching hour to put us up in this friggin place, which i think is a total waste of resources.(guilty of wastage sometimes...)hopefully we're mmoving soon, to a more economic venue.he'll get to sleep more then..wth, i mean he's forty plus already, the race is ending (the money-grubbing rat race, not the bigger one of lkife , god, i hope NOT) Love him more than i usually express it.
anyway, contemplating whether to continue running for council, with daph posted out..she seriously hates the idea of going to sa.."too distractive", she says..well, the august reputationand reverence gained fr studying in a top institution has been flung out, very unceremoniously, of the window (jonny taught me this bombastic f word w the same meaning, can't remember now.shit)whatever, does running alone really present me with an edge, cos i think to play on sympathy is underhanded..
yeah well, A11's class population has effectively been decimated with the new posting results..will miss daph... andrew made it back though, gd for him..somehow ppl have formed this impression that i have lesbo tendencies..(horrors!!)i'm not hompohobic, but i think tt's absolute shit.perfectly straight,oestrogen pumped, heterosexual girl you know...lol, mayb it's the rep of crescent working up again..
(lol..this part doesn't really connect, cos i decided to delete an embarressing thingy, now tt sen's in hc too..)
with keiffy, i think we've(almost) reached a state where its purely platonic, very comfortable with him, like with xq (no, tt's grossly unfair to xq, friend of 4 yrs, but u get my drift..)don't want this to change, i don't think we'll quarell, but drifting away seems like a ineluctable fate that has dealt its hand on so many friends whom i thought would stick around. shit, edi pops to mind, been reminicising alot lately, too often for comfort..whatever happened along the way?i'm getting tired of asking the same old question no one has an (acceptable) answer to. if by some sleight of destiny u read this, i'm sorry, let's not assign fault, let's not dwell, let's not dally in the valley(irreverent contribution..bathotic). no. do i want that, for us to start again after a gap of almost 2 years?is it a mere stasis of is it indicative of the end?do i care? do u?
stop making a scene..
but i'm not a playwright...
sometimes i want to go back to those years of innocence (its a paradox really..) rather than dither in the realms of torturous self-knowledge.
because,
nothing can come between us except each other.
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