Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note -
Amiri Baraka
Lately, I've become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus...
Things have come to that.
And now, each night I count the stars.
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.
Nobody sings anymore.
And then last night I tiptoed up
To my daughter's room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there...
Only she on her knees,
peeking into
Her own clasped hands
***********************************
haha, oh well, not really suicidal, just bummed about promos and sucky results. two more to collect. argh..going crazy.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Thursday, October 14, 2004
The Three Oddest Words
When I pronounce the word Future,
the first syllable already belongs to the past.
When I pronounce the word Silence,
I destroy it.
When I pronounce the word Nothing,
I make something no non-being can hold.
Wislawa Szymborska (1996 Noble Literature Laureate)
yay! in my opinion, she's way better than this year's nobel literature laureate. i mean, "The Piano Teacher" is kinda high class porn....what with sex for violent gratification, self mutilation of your genitals (?!!!?)..right....
in other news, i finally found a job with famous amos selling their cookies. working hours are on weekends from 6pm-11pm. yep, it's quite late, so my mum's a bit worried that i might not be able to cope, and i'm starting to see some sense in her reasoning. i should probably get another job in queenstown (anchorage...) that has earlier working hours. qing, what did your parents say abt the job?
am relatively happy, though still mugging for chinese ao. lao shi is so friggin nice that if i don't do well, i'll most probably kill myself out of guilt.love lao shi....hmmm, we should all work hard since it's her last year of teaching (scandal: she can't stand the hod,so she's quitting in protest..BUT she'll forfeit 30 yrs worth of govt pension for civil servants.*gasp*)
oh, by the way, will join in the unanimous chorus:
pw sucks!!!!!
When I pronounce the word Future,
the first syllable already belongs to the past.
When I pronounce the word Silence,
I destroy it.
When I pronounce the word Nothing,
I make something no non-being can hold.
Wislawa Szymborska (1996 Noble Literature Laureate)
yay! in my opinion, she's way better than this year's nobel literature laureate. i mean, "The Piano Teacher" is kinda high class porn....what with sex for violent gratification, self mutilation of your genitals (?!!!?)..right....
in other news, i finally found a job with famous amos selling their cookies. working hours are on weekends from 6pm-11pm. yep, it's quite late, so my mum's a bit worried that i might not be able to cope, and i'm starting to see some sense in her reasoning. i should probably get another job in queenstown (anchorage...) that has earlier working hours. qing, what did your parents say abt the job?
am relatively happy, though still mugging for chinese ao. lao shi is so friggin nice that if i don't do well, i'll most probably kill myself out of guilt.love lao shi....hmmm, we should all work hard since it's her last year of teaching (scandal: she can't stand the hod,so she's quitting in protest..BUT she'll forfeit 30 yrs worth of govt pension for civil servants.*gasp*)
oh, by the way, will join in the unanimous chorus:
pw sucks!!!!!
Saturday, October 09, 2004
an island emerges, and the future peeks out
promos are over, therefore, am temporarily (very) happy. went to bedok jetty in east coast with friends (i never want to forget, so, : huizhen,shuki,xy,nurul,penny,peck,ruimin,faith,anthony)
took alot of pics, with various people standing by the sea, holding their catch. even though it drizzled for a while and the sunset disappeared before we noticed, fishing was still wonderful. i had imagined that all of us would be standing in the magnificent backdrop of a placidly setting sun, but it was grey by the time we got there (around 6). somehow, the diminished sky was not reflected on our moods, the wind thrashing the paper plates , the satay (love nurul), the coconuts. perhaps it was due to the weather, but the waves seemed exceptionally loud, crashing and receding.
i was just taking a look at the pictures, they were beautiful. we were beautiful.
not in a supermodel milla jovovich way, but in our own youth at seventeen, the glamour was/is overpowering. yes, we were all stinky and sweaty, zhen's hands stank from handling the fishes, but we were, or at least i was, happy. stupidly, dastardly happy posing beside our 10 cm long fishes no one would normally eat. (in our defence, they were small, but we caught quite a few) (haha, they were an awkward size, too big to be eaten as ikan bilis, but far too small to make a decent meal)
an unknown virtual thanks to them (the people, not so much the fishies) for making the first thing i do after promos so enjoyable, esp zhen (for suggesting it, for sending us back, and for general "zhenness"..haha couldn't be more accurate, if translated to chinese); nurul (for providing satay for all us bums, we love you because of that, and so much more);anthony (for bringing the rods, without which we wouldn't be able to fish....duh)
good grief, i sound like i'm writing an eulogy. it is, in a way, i think, a fitting way to commemorate the night. i hope that's not the peak, cos then it would mean there's only downhill to go.
right, bottom line is, i'm in love with fishing! not so much the activity perhaps, but the company one has.cheers to the 04a15 peeps.(:
promos are over, therefore, am temporarily (very) happy. went to bedok jetty in east coast with friends (i never want to forget, so, : huizhen,shuki,xy,nurul,penny,peck,ruimin,faith,anthony)
took alot of pics, with various people standing by the sea, holding their catch. even though it drizzled for a while and the sunset disappeared before we noticed, fishing was still wonderful. i had imagined that all of us would be standing in the magnificent backdrop of a placidly setting sun, but it was grey by the time we got there (around 6). somehow, the diminished sky was not reflected on our moods, the wind thrashing the paper plates , the satay (love nurul), the coconuts. perhaps it was due to the weather, but the waves seemed exceptionally loud, crashing and receding.
i was just taking a look at the pictures, they were beautiful. we were beautiful.
not in a supermodel milla jovovich way, but in our own youth at seventeen, the glamour was/is overpowering. yes, we were all stinky and sweaty, zhen's hands stank from handling the fishes, but we were, or at least i was, happy. stupidly, dastardly happy posing beside our 10 cm long fishes no one would normally eat. (in our defence, they were small, but we caught quite a few) (haha, they were an awkward size, too big to be eaten as ikan bilis, but far too small to make a decent meal)
an unknown virtual thanks to them (the people, not so much the fishies) for making the first thing i do after promos so enjoyable, esp zhen (for suggesting it, for sending us back, and for general "zhenness"..haha couldn't be more accurate, if translated to chinese); nurul (for providing satay for all us bums, we love you because of that, and so much more);anthony (for bringing the rods, without which we wouldn't be able to fish....duh)
good grief, i sound like i'm writing an eulogy. it is, in a way, i think, a fitting way to commemorate the night. i hope that's not the peak, cos then it would mean there's only downhill to go.
right, bottom line is, i'm in love with fishing! not so much the activity perhaps, but the company one has.cheers to the 04a15 peeps.(:
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