too lazy to write an entry, so copy and pasted from various sites
from One-Way Street by Walter BenjaminThe Writer's Technique in Thirteen Theses
I. Anyone intending to embark on a major work should be lenient with himself and, having completed a stint, deny himself nothing that will not prejudice the next.
II. Talk about what you have written, by all means, but do not read from it while the work is in progress. Every gratification procured in this way will slacken your tempo. If this regime is followed, the growing desire to communicate will become in the end a motor for completion.
III. In your working conditions avoid everyday mediocrity. Semi-relaxation, to a background of insipid sounds, is degrading. On the other hand, accompaniment by an etude or a cacophony of voices can become as significant for work as the perceptible silence of the night. If the latter sharpens the inner ear, the former acts as a touchstone for a diction ample enough to bury even the most wayward sounds.
IV. Avoid haphazard writing materials. A pedantic adherence to certain papers, pens, inks is beneficial. No luxury, but an abundance of these utensils is indispensable.
V. Let no thought pass incognito, and keep your notebook as strictly as the authorities keep their register of aliens.
VI. Keep your pen aloof from inspiration, which it will then attract with magnetic power. The more circumspectly you delay writing down an idea, the more maturely developed it will be on surrendering itself. Speech conquers thought, but writing commands it.
VII. Never stop writing because you have run out of ideas. Literary honour requires that one break off only at an appointed moment (a mealtime, a meeting) or at the end of the work.
VIII. Fill the lacunae of inspiration by tidily copying out what is already written. Intuition will awaken in the process. IX. Nulla dies sine linea -- but there may well be weeks.
X. Consider no work perfect over which you have not once sat from evening to broad daylight.
XI. Do not write the conclusion of a work in your familiar study. You would not find the necessary courage there.
XII. Stages of composition: idea -- style -- writing. The value of the fair copy is that in producing it you confine attention to calligraphy. The idea kills inspiration, style fetters the idea, writing pays off style.
XIII. The work is the death mask of its conception.
ok, nice lit stuff is over. cue bloody politics :) (much of it i don't really understand...:/)
Let the hundred flowers bloom
What follows is an extract from the recent National Day Rally Speech in which Lee Junior actually refers to a policy introduced by Chairman Mao, which eventually led to a crackdown on political dissenters in China.
"The second thing we are going to do is to open up the Speakers'Corner where you can go and make any speech you like and we are going to say, 'Well, if you want to go there and have an exhibition, go ahead.'
Once in a while, Think Centre says they want to go to the Speakers' Corner and they want to plant 100 flowers there,let the hundred flowers bloom.Well, I think go ahead. They want to water the flowers, go ahead. They want to turn the flowers down, go ahead.I mean, free expression as long as you don't get into race and religion and don't start a riot.It's a signal that speak, speak your voice, be heard, take responsibility for your views and opinions. "Of all the quotations in the "Little Red Book", by Chairman Mao, none is more inspiring or chilling than this. It comes from a brief period of reform in the fifties known as the "Hundred Flowers Campaign" during which Mao encouraged complete freedom of thought, including criticism of the Party.
The result was much more vigorous debate than Mao had expected and the period ended with an abrupt crackdown against those who had raised their voices in opposition. It could stand as a critique of the failures of the Cultural Revolution itself, which tried to settle ideological questions by force under the guise of debate.
You have been warned.
oooooh.....
Friday, August 27, 2004
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
edition of letter i wrote with the intention of "di sheng xia qi", but which i couldn't resist inserting some of my sincerest feeings:
Dear Sir,
My sincerest aplogies for any inconvenience caused. Since we are unable to reach a consensus on the meeting time, I request that we conduct the interview via email, in which case we will mail you the questions, and you mailing back your answers. Any further queries will be mailed to you after we have analysed your response.
This system of communication seems to be the most effective in light of this situation, as shown by your great efficiency in bitching.
Since you love checking your mail so much, i'm sure we'll receive the answers in no time.You are free to answer the questions in your own time (that is, of course, within a logical and viable time period).
We do not think that this mode of communication would compromise the quality of your answers in anyway. unless, of course, your answers are lousy in the first place.
Yours Sincerely
Ooi Tong Wei
*****************
cleaned up version of what i eventually sent out:
Dear Sir,
My sincerest aplogies for any inconvenience caused. Due to over-extended school hours and limited availability of internet excess, I am unable to check my email as frequently as I might desire.
Since we are unable to reach a consensus on the meeting time, I request that we conduct the interview via email, in which case we will mail you the questions, and you would then mail back your answers. Any further queries will be mailed to you after we have analysed your response.
This system of communication seems to be the most effective in light of this situation.
You may then answer the questions in your free time, subsequently sending us your reply within the next week or so. (If you have problems in meeting this projected deadline, please feel free to inform us.)
Please indicate your consent to this form of interviewing.
Thank you for your help regarding this matter, it is much appreciated. Once again, we are sorry for any inconveniences.
Yours Sincerely
Ooi Tong Wei
Hwa Chong Junior College
*************
sigh,the things i do for my education.
Dear Sir,
My sincerest aplogies for any inconvenience caused. Since we are unable to reach a consensus on the meeting time, I request that we conduct the interview via email, in which case we will mail you the questions, and you mailing back your answers. Any further queries will be mailed to you after we have analysed your response.
This system of communication seems to be the most effective in light of this situation, as shown by your great efficiency in bitching.
Since you love checking your mail so much, i'm sure we'll receive the answers in no time.You are free to answer the questions in your own time (that is, of course, within a logical and viable time period).
We do not think that this mode of communication would compromise the quality of your answers in anyway. unless, of course, your answers are lousy in the first place.
Yours Sincerely
Ooi Tong Wei
*****************
cleaned up version of what i eventually sent out:
Dear Sir,
My sincerest aplogies for any inconvenience caused. Due to over-extended school hours and limited availability of internet excess, I am unable to check my email as frequently as I might desire.
Since we are unable to reach a consensus on the meeting time, I request that we conduct the interview via email, in which case we will mail you the questions, and you would then mail back your answers. Any further queries will be mailed to you after we have analysed your response.
This system of communication seems to be the most effective in light of this situation.
You may then answer the questions in your free time, subsequently sending us your reply within the next week or so. (If you have problems in meeting this projected deadline, please feel free to inform us.)
Please indicate your consent to this form of interviewing.
Thank you for your help regarding this matter, it is much appreciated. Once again, we are sorry for any inconveniences.
Yours Sincerely
Ooi Tong Wei
Hwa Chong Junior College
*************
sigh,the things i do for my education.
excerpts from email messages between Tong Wei and YEW PENG SOH
*****************
Dear Sir/Mdm,
My name is Ooi Tong Wei and I am a JC1 student from Hwa Chong JuniorCollege. I am currently involved in Project Work (PW), part of the required"A" Level syllabus.My group is doing a project on Advertising Trends, and we would like to schedule an interview with an expert in this field.We understand that your hectic schedule may not make allowances for other activities, but we would greatly appreciate it if you could kindly spare us15-30 minutes of your time to answer a few questions pertaining to thetopicof advertising and the media.The interview would ideally be scheduled in the late afternoon (preferablysometime within the next week - 23rd - 28th Aug 2004) to accommodate yourwork schedule. My group members are also willing to make a trip down to thePolytechnic so as to save you the hassle of traveling. Please kindly reply soon to indicate your consent for granting us an interview.
Thank You for your attention.
Yours Sincerely
Ooi Tong Wei
04A15
Hwa Chong Junior College
22nd Aug 2004
3.30 pm
***************
Dear Sir
I am terribly apologetic, but my group members and I will not be able to conduct the interview tomorrow, due to school activities. (sorry!) However, if you are free either this Friday (27 Aug 2004) from 4 pm onwards, or on Saturday (28 Aug 2004) from 8-9 am or after 2 pm, we could conduct the interview then.
Thank You for your help, it is much appreciated.
Yours Sincerely
Ooi Tong Wei
04A15
Hwa Chong Junior
****************
Tong Wei,
To be frank, it's very "unprofessional" or poor time management on yourpart.Please re-read your request below:
"The interview would ideally be scheduled in the late afternoon (preferably sometime within the next week - 23rd - 28th Aug 2004) to accommodate your work schedule." When I re-arranged my schedule to conform to your request, I do not expect you to have other "scheduled activities". After all, I followed your time-table.On one hand, you claimed to have understood our busy schedule, but on the other, you took close to 12 hrs to reply this e-mail and asked for a change of meeting time at the last minute!!! This means I have to re-schedule my appointments again!
Tell me, how should I react?
YEW PENG SOH
*****************
Dear Mr Yew Peng Soh (your name is indeed befitting your great brilliance),
Please understand that I had to liaise on behalf of all my fking lazy pw group members who don't give a damn about anything, all of whom have varying schedules. I would also like to to note that I checked my e-mail the moment I got home yesterday night (yes, i reached home at 9.00 pm). Prior to that, I had to reconfirm the meeting time with all my group members. I would also like to take the time to point out that you sent out your mail at 2.49 am. Do you expect my life to revolve around securing a PW interview with you, you sad fking anal piece of shit with zero sex life.
I understand that this shit is no business of yours, but if you could just be a tiny bit more understanding and considerate abt this matter, it would greatly alter your bitch rating.
You Bitch.
Look what you've done, you've ruined the night for me, in addition to everybody else's, including yours. I would now have to transfer your bitch energy down the chain. And unlike nature's norms, energy doesn't decrease as it's being transferred down the chain, contrarily, it friggin quadraples. Do I have to teach you sociology/biology you imbecelic ignoramus.
Plus the new date I very politely requested stuck to my original schedule I sent to you. For Pete's sake, I devoted the whole Saturday to you. Tell me, which decent, sane-minded girl has done that for you in your 40 odd years of virginal existence. I positively let you choose the friggin dates, so why the hell are you being irritating?!?!?!
I would seriously suggest that you don't stay up too late to surf porn, instead, generate your excess energy to comply with innocent students' requests, otherwise please channel your potency (I hope the irony is sorely unmissed) towards fking yourself you sad loser.
Thank You for your kind attention regarding this matter.
Please rest assured that you will be accurately quoted for our project, after which a copy of our analysis of your insightful speech will be sent to MOE and circulated among its staff.
Yours with Great Pleasure,
Ooi Tong Wei
04A15
Hwa Chong Junior College
*****************
Dear Sir/Mdm,
My name is Ooi Tong Wei and I am a JC1 student from Hwa Chong JuniorCollege. I am currently involved in Project Work (PW), part of the required"A" Level syllabus.My group is doing a project on Advertising Trends, and we would like to schedule an interview with an expert in this field.We understand that your hectic schedule may not make allowances for other activities, but we would greatly appreciate it if you could kindly spare us15-30 minutes of your time to answer a few questions pertaining to thetopicof advertising and the media.The interview would ideally be scheduled in the late afternoon (preferablysometime within the next week - 23rd - 28th Aug 2004) to accommodate yourwork schedule. My group members are also willing to make a trip down to thePolytechnic so as to save you the hassle of traveling. Please kindly reply soon to indicate your consent for granting us an interview.
Thank You for your attention.
Yours Sincerely
Ooi Tong Wei
04A15
Hwa Chong Junior College
22nd Aug 2004
3.30 pm
***************
Dear Sir
I am terribly apologetic, but my group members and I will not be able to conduct the interview tomorrow, due to school activities. (sorry!) However, if you are free either this Friday (27 Aug 2004) from 4 pm onwards, or on Saturday (28 Aug 2004) from 8-9 am or after 2 pm, we could conduct the interview then.
Thank You for your help, it is much appreciated.
Yours Sincerely
Ooi Tong Wei
04A15
Hwa Chong Junior
****************
Tong Wei,
To be frank, it's very "unprofessional" or poor time management on yourpart.Please re-read your request below:
"The interview would ideally be scheduled in the late afternoon (preferably sometime within the next week - 23rd - 28th Aug 2004) to accommodate your work schedule." When I re-arranged my schedule to conform to your request, I do not expect you to have other "scheduled activities". After all, I followed your time-table.On one hand, you claimed to have understood our busy schedule, but on the other, you took close to 12 hrs to reply this e-mail and asked for a change of meeting time at the last minute!!! This means I have to re-schedule my appointments again!
Tell me, how should I react?
YEW PENG SOH
*****************
Dear Mr Yew Peng Soh (your name is indeed befitting your great brilliance),
Please understand that I had to liaise on behalf of all my fking lazy pw group members who don't give a damn about anything, all of whom have varying schedules. I would also like to to note that I checked my e-mail the moment I got home yesterday night (yes, i reached home at 9.00 pm). Prior to that, I had to reconfirm the meeting time with all my group members. I would also like to take the time to point out that you sent out your mail at 2.49 am. Do you expect my life to revolve around securing a PW interview with you, you sad fking anal piece of shit with zero sex life.
I understand that this shit is no business of yours, but if you could just be a tiny bit more understanding and considerate abt this matter, it would greatly alter your bitch rating.
You Bitch.
Look what you've done, you've ruined the night for me, in addition to everybody else's, including yours. I would now have to transfer your bitch energy down the chain. And unlike nature's norms, energy doesn't decrease as it's being transferred down the chain, contrarily, it friggin quadraples. Do I have to teach you sociology/biology you imbecelic ignoramus.
Plus the new date I very politely requested stuck to my original schedule I sent to you. For Pete's sake, I devoted the whole Saturday to you. Tell me, which decent, sane-minded girl has done that for you in your 40 odd years of virginal existence. I positively let you choose the friggin dates, so why the hell are you being irritating?!?!?!
I would seriously suggest that you don't stay up too late to surf porn, instead, generate your excess energy to comply with innocent students' requests, otherwise please channel your potency (I hope the irony is sorely unmissed) towards fking yourself you sad loser.
Thank You for your kind attention regarding this matter.
Please rest assured that you will be accurately quoted for our project, after which a copy of our analysis of your insightful speech will be sent to MOE and circulated among its staff.
Yours with Great Pleasure,
Ooi Tong Wei
04A15
Hwa Chong Junior College
Thursday, August 19, 2004
got the cap mentorship, so i went to moe headquarters in orchard to check out details. found out that my mentor is ..........ho poh fun.
yes, she may sound alien, but let me bring you back to about a year or so ago, when this very wonderful lady got embroiled in a typhoon of media scandals. apparently, her venerable status at rjc as one of the most hated teachers led to a (v brilliant n tech savvy) student to film her (secretly) tearing up some homework, throwing the sheets onto the floor etc, basically, behaving like uber bitch. anyway, the video somehow got leaked out and the media stirred up this big brouhaha abt it. i remember mdm kuan spent a whole lesson discussing the philosophical n societal implications of conflicts between innocent students n bitchy teachers. yep, that is the clandestine ms ho's claim to fame. except now that the poor camera man has already graduated, she'll have to direct her energy (ies) toward terrorizing us. have been thinking on how not to thread on her toes. she apparently(note the constant usage of this word, cos what i've heard abt her--ALOT-- have all come from ppl whom she has been an ass to...so it's not a v nice pic.) is still an old virgin, so maybe nudging her to indulge in some luurve (preferably with a consental male partner) would better her temper.
things she's apparently against:
-homosexuality
-writing about homosexuality
-hinting about homosexuality (i don't know how this is going to work out... she censored someone's "grass swaying in the wind", cos it was too erotic...i mean like huh???!!?! a poem which goes "happy bobbin birds, happily gay and bobbin together" must be FULL of innuendo to her.)
-sex
-writing about sex
-hinting about sex ("i sucked and sucked the juice all night" is NOT going to work with her)
-she likes cutting..( no, not that sort).. censoring whole chunks out. "pls delete stanzas 1-3"
so there's gonna be nurul, jy (vjc guy) and me under her charge. we're gonna have SO much fun. really.
*insert irrelevant pt here* qing! your animal welfare friend got in too...her name's grace. ing a bell?
*plus another irrelevant piece of gossip here.* vivian(from vjc...aiyoh, the girls down there all so wild one ah? lol:p) flashed han during cap. she did it a la sharon stone in basic intinct, crossing and uncrossing her legs really...um...bigly (perfect word to describe it)..um obviously/sensually/disgustingly etc to reveal her "kinky underwear". haha, cldn't stop laughing when i heard abt it. apparently the stupid ass han turned his head at the wrong time and missed the whole show. unfortunately, others at the v crowded table got an eyeful (wahlau, be more subtle can? at least go to some corner lar..tsk tsk)
anyway, have decided to give her (ms ho, not the v sexy vivian..hello, am relatively straight k..anyway, i'm out of her (vivian) league, even if i do say so myself.haha, kidding lar) a chance. maybe her reputation precedes her real personality. she's probably an old, lonely spinster yearnin for some sweet lovin (ooooh...that was bad:p). deep down all she really wants is to see her mentees ...um, i dunno, be able to hold a pen/breathe in her presence/do both at the same time etc? yep, anyway, if anything should go wrong (ohgodihopenotcosiwannabealiveaftercap) i'll just pretend to be her long lost niece/lesbian admirer(i figure she'll settle for anything)/plain sucker/bootlicker. umm, yup. or i could dedicate all poems to her or sth: ode to ms ho. elegy to fun (haha).
meeting her next sat for "mentorship tea session". i hope food's provided.
yes, she may sound alien, but let me bring you back to about a year or so ago, when this very wonderful lady got embroiled in a typhoon of media scandals. apparently, her venerable status at rjc as one of the most hated teachers led to a (v brilliant n tech savvy) student to film her (secretly) tearing up some homework, throwing the sheets onto the floor etc, basically, behaving like uber bitch. anyway, the video somehow got leaked out and the media stirred up this big brouhaha abt it. i remember mdm kuan spent a whole lesson discussing the philosophical n societal implications of conflicts between innocent students n bitchy teachers. yep, that is the clandestine ms ho's claim to fame. except now that the poor camera man has already graduated, she'll have to direct her energy (ies) toward terrorizing us. have been thinking on how not to thread on her toes. she apparently(note the constant usage of this word, cos what i've heard abt her--ALOT-- have all come from ppl whom she has been an ass to...so it's not a v nice pic.) is still an old virgin, so maybe nudging her to indulge in some luurve (preferably with a consental male partner) would better her temper.
things she's apparently against:
-homosexuality
-writing about homosexuality
-hinting about homosexuality (i don't know how this is going to work out... she censored someone's "grass swaying in the wind", cos it was too erotic...i mean like huh???!!?! a poem which goes "happy bobbin birds, happily gay and bobbin together" must be FULL of innuendo to her.)
-sex
-writing about sex
-hinting about sex ("i sucked and sucked the juice all night" is NOT going to work with her)
-she likes cutting..( no, not that sort).. censoring whole chunks out. "pls delete stanzas 1-3"
so there's gonna be nurul, jy (vjc guy) and me under her charge. we're gonna have SO much fun. really.
*insert irrelevant pt here* qing! your animal welfare friend got in too...her name's grace. ing a bell?
*plus another irrelevant piece of gossip here.* vivian(from vjc...aiyoh, the girls down there all so wild one ah? lol:p) flashed han during cap. she did it a la sharon stone in basic intinct, crossing and uncrossing her legs really...um...bigly (perfect word to describe it)..um obviously/sensually/disgustingly etc to reveal her "kinky underwear". haha, cldn't stop laughing when i heard abt it. apparently the stupid ass han turned his head at the wrong time and missed the whole show. unfortunately, others at the v crowded table got an eyeful (wahlau, be more subtle can? at least go to some corner lar..tsk tsk)
anyway, have decided to give her (ms ho, not the v sexy vivian..hello, am relatively straight k..anyway, i'm out of her (vivian) league, even if i do say so myself.haha, kidding lar) a chance. maybe her reputation precedes her real personality. she's probably an old, lonely spinster yearnin for some sweet lovin (ooooh...that was bad:p). deep down all she really wants is to see her mentees ...um, i dunno, be able to hold a pen/breathe in her presence/do both at the same time etc? yep, anyway, if anything should go wrong (ohgodihopenotcosiwannabealiveaftercap) i'll just pretend to be her long lost niece/lesbian admirer(i figure she'll settle for anything)/plain sucker/bootlicker. umm, yup. or i could dedicate all poems to her or sth: ode to ms ho. elegy to fun (haha).
meeting her next sat for "mentorship tea session". i hope food's provided.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Where
Oh Dog, if you should
Die one day,
Please don’t do it in the house.
for the stink of your beautiful carcass
would never leave my nostrils.
Don’t Do It in the garden either,
because then I would be arrested
by foolish American utopian-suburb romanticisms,
and decide to bury you there.
How gruesome to have you lying there
beside the spinach patch
for all eternity.
Don’t Do It within a 2.4 km radius of my house
because walking home,
back from some
Gothic heaven
would be even more disappointing than it already is.
You have taken away
my sorcerer’s stone of poetry,
of idyllic days and idle nights.
I would have to face your bridle presence,
knowing that you are somewhere better,
But without your blanket.
Oh Dog, this seems to leave the vet’s as the last option.
but you must think that cold black table
much too harsh for your baby navel.
It occurs to me that I would have to
schedule an appointment with the Doctor.
Mengele has awoken from the grave of Auschwitz,
and arrived at Clementi.
Together with my
wellpaidharlotaccomplice
I will tenderly plot,
over the phone, the
timedatevenue
of your Swan song,
Dog song,
Morning song,
Death song,
Or whatever it is you like to call your final bark.
My howl is that of a dishonored samurai,
Accompanying your lissome whine.
Then doggie bone to ashes,
after we have all
Done It Together,
You would be plucked,
gently,
flake
by
flake
and placed in my pencil box,
for you are more important than poetry.
Perhaps you would eventually fossilize
in that cuboidal domain,
Finally, then, can I truly write and love with you.
My bedroom provides the ideal conditions,
there, your scent can diffuse,
continue to mingle with my
Food, Clothes, books, hair, tongue, heart.
At least crystallization takes place within my lifetime.
I will cradle you in the sweet gutter of my bloodied arms,
mangled and tainted,
but still loving.
My fingers will wrap around,
licking the angular urn
tracing out your name.
Aren’t these hands familiar dear dog?
It wasn’t the bitter needle that you last felt,
But these very hands.
I cradled you then as I do now.
Oh dog, you died at home.
Oh Dog, if you should
Die one day,
Please don’t do it in the house.
for the stink of your beautiful carcass
would never leave my nostrils.
Don’t Do It in the garden either,
because then I would be arrested
by foolish American utopian-suburb romanticisms,
and decide to bury you there.
How gruesome to have you lying there
beside the spinach patch
for all eternity.
Don’t Do It within a 2.4 km radius of my house
because walking home,
back from some
Gothic heaven
would be even more disappointing than it already is.
You have taken away
my sorcerer’s stone of poetry,
of idyllic days and idle nights.
I would have to face your bridle presence,
knowing that you are somewhere better,
But without your blanket.
Oh Dog, this seems to leave the vet’s as the last option.
but you must think that cold black table
much too harsh for your baby navel.
It occurs to me that I would have to
schedule an appointment with the Doctor.
Mengele has awoken from the grave of Auschwitz,
and arrived at Clementi.
Together with my
wellpaidharlotaccomplice
I will tenderly plot,
over the phone, the
timedatevenue
of your Swan song,
Dog song,
Morning song,
Death song,
Or whatever it is you like to call your final bark.
My howl is that of a dishonored samurai,
Accompanying your lissome whine.
Then doggie bone to ashes,
after we have all
Done It Together,
You would be plucked,
gently,
flake
by
flake
and placed in my pencil box,
for you are more important than poetry.
Perhaps you would eventually fossilize
in that cuboidal domain,
Finally, then, can I truly write and love with you.
My bedroom provides the ideal conditions,
there, your scent can diffuse,
continue to mingle with my
Food, Clothes, books, hair, tongue, heart.
At least crystallization takes place within my lifetime.
I will cradle you in the sweet gutter of my bloodied arms,
mangled and tainted,
but still loving.
My fingers will wrap around,
licking the angular urn
tracing out your name.
Aren’t these hands familiar dear dog?
It wasn’t the bitter needle that you last felt,
But these very hands.
I cradled you then as I do now.
Oh dog, you died at home.
feel like i'm being buried under all the work. some oxonians (apparently, that's what those good folks call themselves there at oxford) came by today to show off there academic achievements/ promote their stinking university(ok, fine, i'm being bitterly sour here). anyway, found out that the too cheery female promoter is our grand-grand senior from 01a15....starting teasing us abt barnard in mock earnestness. argh. irritated. wanted to ask if she was on a scholarship, but was afraid to do so, lest it provoked the wrong reaction ie. the govt rejected her and daddy had to pay for everything.
unfortunately, that is very well how i may end up, and perhaps even that is an over-positive forecast. nus law fac is not such a breeze to get into either. according to mdm kwan (sec 4 chinese teacher, whose beauty pagaent contestant daughter is currently studying there) only 200 friggin ppl get in, amongst millions (ok, maybe nus isn't THAT hot) of applicants.....
smu....possible option. sigh. ahwellwhatevernonotreallybutstill.
unfortunately, that is very well how i may end up, and perhaps even that is an over-positive forecast. nus law fac is not such a breeze to get into either. according to mdm kwan (sec 4 chinese teacher, whose beauty pagaent contestant daughter is currently studying there) only 200 friggin ppl get in, amongst millions (ok, maybe nus isn't THAT hot) of applicants.....
smu....possible option. sigh. ahwellwhatevernonotreallybutstill.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
When me met his first disciples at Benares after his enlightenment, the Buddha outlines his system, which was based on one essential fact: all existence was dukkha. It consisted entirely of suffering; life was wholly awry. Things come and go in meaningless flux. Nothing has permanent significance. Religion starts with the perception that something is wrong. […] The Buddha taught that is was possible to gain release from dukkha by living a life of compassion for all living beings, speaking and behaving gently, kindly and accurately, and refraining from anything like drugs or intoxicants that cloud the mind.- A History of God; Armstrong, p. 32
hmm, been thinking alot lately about religion/what i "Believe" in.
but it's so presumptous to come right out and say that i'm a devout ______, well, simply for the unaffected reason that i'm not. i don't go to church, i don't visit the temple, i don't pray at the mosque every friday. the closest thing that springs to mind when i think about God is the silver grey monster i kowtow to every evening. indeed, life is not one damn thing after another, it's one damn thing over and over. once again, been hearing/reading/seeing everyone around gushing about universities and educational paths. gahhh, am barely getting through school these days, i try my darnest to get out of school before the sun sets, on the pretext of going home to study, but i always falter. (that's the most wrenching thing - that i seem to "study" so much, but i don't have the results to show for it).yes, i do get home before my mother, but the minute i finish my daily dosage of worthless gossip from the newspapers, i flop into bed and promptly indulge in sleep until 7 pm, which is the time i get up to eat my dinner and watch tv. good grief, this does seem like a banal existence, because there's nothing to look forward to. i've not really looked forward to anything for a really long time. something that hits me with such an impact that i drown under it's enormity. i've not been out on a really refreshing event (the carnival misses that by a few notches) or read a wham-hityousmackinthemiddle book in _____. the time period's irrelevant, it's just the ebbing away of all that is spontaneous, that's perhaps what's slowly killing me.
the elddfs party is going to be this sat, but i doubt that anything revolutionary is going to come out of that. hopefully the science people will turn up and we can all mingle in a pretense of friendship and fellowship. "make the society more coherent and bonded". bah. i hate that word - "bonded". but maybe i'm being too difficult on things, that's why i'm permanently in a horrible mood. expecting great transforming and life-altering events to occur every other week seems to be the only way to extricate me from this vapid, pedestrian life. i wish someone would come up to me and convince me, indoctrinate in me the dogma of the modern capitalistic society. stop being a whimisical, lyrical, romantic, astral and foolish dreamer. strive for the free market ideal of perfect competition. perfect competition isperfect, isperfect, isperfect. and you ask yourself where do all these dreams go. or, if you have already been converted into a jaded, cynical city dweller, rephrase the question in another tense - "where did all those dreams go". but i digress.
whoever that person may be, or maybe i'm the already the one assuming that role, only without my inherent knowledge, perhaps that's why i always sit uneasily by myself with too much time (uninvested in more pressing matters), maybe that's why i'm always at odds with myself. self-annihilation irks me. i do know/think i love myself. i am sensible, right? right, maybe in retrospect, that's the problem, i love myself too much. u know of how some lovers always complain about being suffocated and drowned by their over-possesive partners, that could be applied to me, depending on which perspective one chooses to adopt. grapelling with what i want, what i should want, and how i intend to obtain them sucks. i look around the room, and the table is perhaps a reflection of things. it's supposed to be a paradigm of rectangular, clinical neatness. that's how it's shown in all the ikea catalogues.but there're all these .....horrible, disgusting stuff that's cluttering the table. but who's to say that this tender mess is not what characterises the table. sure, it lends individuality and all that crap, but it's ultimately not a table i would show to guests. perhaps a more cursory arrangement of things? ultimately, i'll just have to make do with this table, since buying another one is not an option.
hmm, been thinking alot lately about religion/what i "Believe" in.
but it's so presumptous to come right out and say that i'm a devout ______, well, simply for the unaffected reason that i'm not. i don't go to church, i don't visit the temple, i don't pray at the mosque every friday. the closest thing that springs to mind when i think about God is the silver grey monster i kowtow to every evening. indeed, life is not one damn thing after another, it's one damn thing over and over. once again, been hearing/reading/seeing everyone around gushing about universities and educational paths. gahhh, am barely getting through school these days, i try my darnest to get out of school before the sun sets, on the pretext of going home to study, but i always falter. (that's the most wrenching thing - that i seem to "study" so much, but i don't have the results to show for it).yes, i do get home before my mother, but the minute i finish my daily dosage of worthless gossip from the newspapers, i flop into bed and promptly indulge in sleep until 7 pm, which is the time i get up to eat my dinner and watch tv. good grief, this does seem like a banal existence, because there's nothing to look forward to. i've not really looked forward to anything for a really long time. something that hits me with such an impact that i drown under it's enormity. i've not been out on a really refreshing event (the carnival misses that by a few notches) or read a wham-hityousmackinthemiddle book in _____. the time period's irrelevant, it's just the ebbing away of all that is spontaneous, that's perhaps what's slowly killing me.
the elddfs party is going to be this sat, but i doubt that anything revolutionary is going to come out of that. hopefully the science people will turn up and we can all mingle in a pretense of friendship and fellowship. "make the society more coherent and bonded". bah. i hate that word - "bonded". but maybe i'm being too difficult on things, that's why i'm permanently in a horrible mood. expecting great transforming and life-altering events to occur every other week seems to be the only way to extricate me from this vapid, pedestrian life. i wish someone would come up to me and convince me, indoctrinate in me the dogma of the modern capitalistic society. stop being a whimisical, lyrical, romantic, astral and foolish dreamer. strive for the free market ideal of perfect competition. perfect competition isperfect, isperfect, isperfect. and you ask yourself where do all these dreams go. or, if you have already been converted into a jaded, cynical city dweller, rephrase the question in another tense - "where did all those dreams go". but i digress.
whoever that person may be, or maybe i'm the already the one assuming that role, only without my inherent knowledge, perhaps that's why i always sit uneasily by myself with too much time (uninvested in more pressing matters), maybe that's why i'm always at odds with myself. self-annihilation irks me. i do know/think i love myself. i am sensible, right? right, maybe in retrospect, that's the problem, i love myself too much. u know of how some lovers always complain about being suffocated and drowned by their over-possesive partners, that could be applied to me, depending on which perspective one chooses to adopt. grapelling with what i want, what i should want, and how i intend to obtain them sucks. i look around the room, and the table is perhaps a reflection of things. it's supposed to be a paradigm of rectangular, clinical neatness. that's how it's shown in all the ikea catalogues.but there're all these .....horrible, disgusting stuff that's cluttering the table. but who's to say that this tender mess is not what characterises the table. sure, it lends individuality and all that crap, but it's ultimately not a table i would show to guests. perhaps a more cursory arrangement of things? ultimately, i'll just have to make do with this table, since buying another one is not an option.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
HC Carnival
had a really great time yesterday, even though i was apprehensive abt it at first, cos of all the advertising propaganda being shovelled down our throats, and even on the morning itself, cos it was raining, and i didn't think anyone would want to come. but thankfully, things picked up, cos pple actually patronised our stall. it was a mad rush at the end especially, and all of us slashed prices outrageously. but i had alot of fun anyway, we should have one every year, though i'm quite reserved about the plannning for it. it should be one on a smaller scale, and not too "commemorative", just a day where everyone can chill and have fun. qing and sher came, and i chuffed selling walletsandbags! for a while (ok, abt 1 1/2 hrs:p) to play host. lol, sorry if i wasn't a very good one..! but they seemed content to package flowers in the room with sen.lol. anyway, we took pictures and generally stuffed our faces before those two decided to take off and head for orchard *am offended, how can orchard road possibly be more exciting then hwa chong?!?" :p
elddfs stall did quite well too, ppl actually pay to shoot ping pong balls in the water ( water soccer, with water guns used to propel the balls into the goal net). played with the guns for a while, madly shooting tok.gahhh. but it was fun, so what the heck.
some ex guide juniors came trooping along, and i showed them around (i'm a very lousy guide - in the showing them around hc sense, not in the "i promise to do my very best to serve God etc" sense.-) anyway, they were really sweet n we took pics and were generally happy.
at this point, i wanna refute qing's point abt vj not having any cute guys. saw one with conan (also from vj, but not topic of cute guy expose). looked vaguely like edison chen, some eurasian thing going on. anyway, cant really remember how he looks like now. bah.what's my point.
yep, nothing really, except that we have no sch tmr!!!so yay!
had a really great time yesterday, even though i was apprehensive abt it at first, cos of all the advertising propaganda being shovelled down our throats, and even on the morning itself, cos it was raining, and i didn't think anyone would want to come. but thankfully, things picked up, cos pple actually patronised our stall. it was a mad rush at the end especially, and all of us slashed prices outrageously. but i had alot of fun anyway, we should have one every year, though i'm quite reserved about the plannning for it. it should be one on a smaller scale, and not too "commemorative", just a day where everyone can chill and have fun. qing and sher came, and i chuffed selling walletsandbags! for a while (ok, abt 1 1/2 hrs:p) to play host. lol, sorry if i wasn't a very good one..! but they seemed content to package flowers in the room with sen.lol. anyway, we took pictures and generally stuffed our faces before those two decided to take off and head for orchard *am offended, how can orchard road possibly be more exciting then hwa chong?!?" :p
elddfs stall did quite well too, ppl actually pay to shoot ping pong balls in the water ( water soccer, with water guns used to propel the balls into the goal net). played with the guns for a while, madly shooting tok.gahhh. but it was fun, so what the heck.
some ex guide juniors came trooping along, and i showed them around (i'm a very lousy guide - in the showing them around hc sense, not in the "i promise to do my very best to serve God etc" sense.-) anyway, they were really sweet n we took pics and were generally happy.
at this point, i wanna refute qing's point abt vj not having any cute guys. saw one with conan (also from vj, but not topic of cute guy expose). looked vaguely like edison chen, some eurasian thing going on. anyway, cant really remember how he looks like now. bah.what's my point.
yep, nothing really, except that we have no sch tmr!!!so yay!
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