hey everybody!!!am bored but i don't feel like studying. been feeling that way the whole hol, so a bit fei hua.debating whether to drink hot/warm/lukewarm/ice-cold milo. will limit myself to another 5 more mins of personal milo crisis. will write a poem for y'all!!
eeks, writer's block. well, according to most strange ppl lauded by mass population, stringing a montage of strange metaphors with looney paragraphing makes a good poem. right. and i can't write stuff that rhymes. too difficult. could sound like twinkle twinkle little star if not handled properly. borrowed this book from library which seemed pretty cool at first glance.but it turned out to be a total dud. proof that you should never judge a book by its cover. the writer is apparently a music and theatre studies lecturer. he writes like he doesn't know what a woman looks like,the poor deprived goof, much less love/sex (interchangeable nowadays). the worse thing is, most of his stuff are about those topics which he doesn't seem to know much abt. the supposedly poignant stuff turn out funny... anyway, will stop being the failing literary critic. extremely bored now,listening to whitney houston scream "i will always love you".ok.
just read keiffy's blog.
oohmytian it's DISGUSTING. couldn't stop laughing.now in the mood to write crap love poetry
oh you are my heaven
oh my love
where art thou
muacks
there u go, mah opus...:) it's even got onomaetopia (however you spell that) the sound thing.oookkk...
should i bathe first?or drink milo?or listen to whitney? i downloaded 5 different versions of "i will always love you" it's amazing she does these strange vocal gymnastic thingys all the time. plus i got one in spanish. contrary to barcelonians, spanish is not that sexy anyway.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Song
Today on the bus home I heard a dangerous song.
It was venom, flowing into my ears and in my brain,
extemporaneous as a colourless surgical liquid.
It was warm and mellow, yet it quashed my insides,
fuming into descent and self rage, into an anchor in a cup of tears.
It was the slant eyed advocate, whispering in my ear lacy
Mutterings of self hate and hellish verse, and pinching my reddened
flesh to show how soft and crumbling it was.
It was the poetry of the sirens, each heartbreaking contralto
Rending the heart closer to the murderous rocks, each voiceful
quiver the slice of a nail--
Or, shall we say--
it was the soulful rhapsody on love,
curved like the body of the moon, silk thick with the blues
Of love and loss, of distance and stars, of nearness and breath,
and of the everlasting mystery of beauty, its welcome tragedy.
Every sentence an unobtainable rise or a fall, enough to dip my heart
in blood, and to sorely ache the frail dusty body which would henceforth
doubt its staunch disbelief forever after. And my bones nearly broke
themselves like monks in grief-- my body now near fatally astral and
vicarious, watching that unconquerable and hence unredeemable--
I survived, and now I am weak.
What of you churchgoer, visitor of the temple of man, the faith
of his mystery? (I know love and its convictions tingles in your limbs,
brands you like a slave.)
I think. I think I shall not tell you what the name of this
elegy of goddesses and mourn song of man is, lest its karma
one day be your irrevocable death.
joel tee
Experimenting
We don't need no safety net, we're out here on our own--
This is fledgling time:
Experiments in dusty attics
Count and do the mathematics
Free speech, free love, democratics--
And thus:
My muse, unloosed, just confuses
Perhaps the alcohol induces--
I.
We fumble in the dark:
Or you fumble, and I'm lying passive.
I'm lying now, when I say I love you.
And do you mean it, either?
Or were we just a pair of raging hormones--
You with the debonair flair
(And me, just there)
Conveniently, where
Hands in the dark meant nothing, just
Simulating stimulating
Groping and
(manipulating)
--Never you mind, now, dear.
Cup of tea?
Me? (Shall we?)
Fake your innocence: this is daylight; not the time to play with fire.
(Our situation isn't really
that dire--
we're too young
for desire.)
Liar.
II.
Number two was found in a fit of blue
But was unfortunately too straight to do anything with.
Nevertheless:
This was an unknowing inspiration; a summer waxed and waned
And passed me by, and was filled with memories of you.
I still remember the fragments, now, and the glass
pieces have been picked up and put into boxes and labelled safely
behind distant windows.
And wink at me, kindly, and I forget how they cut, then.
III.
The next was fully a year later.
Less intense; drifting incense of my passion burning it away
Keeping up the pretence (better this way)
That this
Was an unrhythmic uncyclical phase
(life's an irregular
chase,
anyway)
And I'm still caught up in this tangled web of roses
My prose's all about love, now, or lust--
And there's that song, you know, about how
The Girls: capitalised, italicised, romanticised in Italian and brought back down
Sharply
Precipitate a reaction that's not worth what you give it.
And dreams, now, and teasing behind the drapes
And familiar shapes in the half-dark of the room
(not the bedroom, you'd never be caught here with me:
Suspect me of date rape
whatever.)
Italicise me, romanticise me, remind me and mind me
And rewind your memories, when this is twenty years behind me
And Realise (yes, capitalised) that this is what binds me:
That I am a Girl.
--to you, and you were kind to me.
IV.
I never learn, do I.
Juggling two at once
Tuppence, I thought--it's experimental!
(and, of course, detrimental
to our mental health, but never mind)
So we promised to kiss.
We haven't yet.
kelly lai
ahhh.. in love with their writing. ok, somewhat intimidated now, what are we supposed to do together? he seems awfully worldly, hope i don't spontaneously combust once everyone discovers i'm dumb.i should stop saying that. so implusible. so fluctant. i never could stand those weak changelings. now i'm just another one.argh, i actually get nervous before calling han. what if he screams at me?what if he hangs up? [it's my phone dammit.]
right. haven't written anything for quite a while now, not in the mood for poetry. it seems so flippant next to econs. i love econs. sadly, love is unrequited, this is probably the only crush i'll ever have in jc - on a subject. yayzers.
but whatever.need to get in the mood before cap. will not be overtly concerned with how my poetry fares against mr joel poet laureate tee.can't stand it, i wished i wrote "song".hrmph.
Today on the bus home I heard a dangerous song.
It was venom, flowing into my ears and in my brain,
extemporaneous as a colourless surgical liquid.
It was warm and mellow, yet it quashed my insides,
fuming into descent and self rage, into an anchor in a cup of tears.
It was the slant eyed advocate, whispering in my ear lacy
Mutterings of self hate and hellish verse, and pinching my reddened
flesh to show how soft and crumbling it was.
It was the poetry of the sirens, each heartbreaking contralto
Rending the heart closer to the murderous rocks, each voiceful
quiver the slice of a nail--
Or, shall we say--
it was the soulful rhapsody on love,
curved like the body of the moon, silk thick with the blues
Of love and loss, of distance and stars, of nearness and breath,
and of the everlasting mystery of beauty, its welcome tragedy.
Every sentence an unobtainable rise or a fall, enough to dip my heart
in blood, and to sorely ache the frail dusty body which would henceforth
doubt its staunch disbelief forever after. And my bones nearly broke
themselves like monks in grief-- my body now near fatally astral and
vicarious, watching that unconquerable and hence unredeemable--
I survived, and now I am weak.
What of you churchgoer, visitor of the temple of man, the faith
of his mystery? (I know love and its convictions tingles in your limbs,
brands you like a slave.)
I think. I think I shall not tell you what the name of this
elegy of goddesses and mourn song of man is, lest its karma
one day be your irrevocable death.
joel tee
Experimenting
We don't need no safety net, we're out here on our own--
This is fledgling time:
Experiments in dusty attics
Count and do the mathematics
Free speech, free love, democratics--
And thus:
My muse, unloosed, just confuses
Perhaps the alcohol induces--
I.
We fumble in the dark:
Or you fumble, and I'm lying passive.
I'm lying now, when I say I love you.
And do you mean it, either?
Or were we just a pair of raging hormones--
You with the debonair flair
(And me, just there)
Conveniently, where
Hands in the dark meant nothing, just
Simulating stimulating
Groping and
(manipulating)
--Never you mind, now, dear.
Cup of tea?
Me? (Shall we?)
Fake your innocence: this is daylight; not the time to play with fire.
(Our situation isn't really
that dire--
we're too young
for desire.)
Liar.
II.
Number two was found in a fit of blue
But was unfortunately too straight to do anything with.
Nevertheless:
This was an unknowing inspiration; a summer waxed and waned
And passed me by, and was filled with memories of you.
I still remember the fragments, now, and the glass
pieces have been picked up and put into boxes and labelled safely
behind distant windows.
And wink at me, kindly, and I forget how they cut, then.
III.
The next was fully a year later.
Less intense; drifting incense of my passion burning it away
Keeping up the pretence (better this way)
That this
Was an unrhythmic uncyclical phase
(life's an irregular
chase,
anyway)
And I'm still caught up in this tangled web of roses
My prose's all about love, now, or lust--
And there's that song, you know, about how
The Girls: capitalised, italicised, romanticised in Italian and brought back down
Sharply
Precipitate a reaction that's not worth what you give it.
And dreams, now, and teasing behind the drapes
And familiar shapes in the half-dark of the room
(not the bedroom, you'd never be caught here with me:
Suspect me of date rape
whatever.)
Italicise me, romanticise me, remind me and mind me
And rewind your memories, when this is twenty years behind me
And Realise (yes, capitalised) that this is what binds me:
That I am a Girl.
--to you, and you were kind to me.
IV.
I never learn, do I.
Juggling two at once
Tuppence, I thought--it's experimental!
(and, of course, detrimental
to our mental health, but never mind)
So we promised to kiss.
We haven't yet.
kelly lai
ahhh.. in love with their writing. ok, somewhat intimidated now, what are we supposed to do together? he seems awfully worldly, hope i don't spontaneously combust once everyone discovers i'm dumb.i should stop saying that. so implusible. so fluctant. i never could stand those weak changelings. now i'm just another one.argh, i actually get nervous before calling han. what if he screams at me?what if he hangs up? [it's my phone dammit.]
right. haven't written anything for quite a while now, not in the mood for poetry. it seems so flippant next to econs. i love econs. sadly, love is unrequited, this is probably the only crush i'll ever have in jc - on a subject. yayzers.
but whatever.need to get in the mood before cap. will not be overtly concerned with how my poetry fares against mr joel poet laureate tee.can't stand it, i wished i wrote "song".hrmph.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
ah well, just finished reading everybody's blogs...apparently no one is doing ANY studying..lol, wonder how much of that i should believe, anway, it's stupid, but somehow it makes me feel better, even though i know those toads have been MUGGING!!! econs tys open beside me now, i've been on the same page for the past five hours. i'm getting really good at economies of scale,lol...
argh, got into MAJOR trouble with parents for lack of fillial piety..dad was yelling abt how i spend time giving free tuition to ouutsiders but never bothering to help with the family's needs. i do!!i sweep, clean, cook..when i told him that he threatened to slap auntie millet "THEN WHY THE FUCKING HELL DO I HIRE HER FOR???!!!"
proceeded to swear at me for next 15 mins, which wasn't the worst bit. stupid sister, after returning from england, started behaving in her pom pous anglophillic way, and didn't even stand up for me. argh, n she's not that fillial either, u know.only avoided screaming session by pretending ot be asleep. she woke right up the minute dad went downstairs.argh, she still has the cheek to talk to me abt the royal shakespeare theatre. since when was sharkespeare royalty anyway?and the play wasn't even some blockbuster tragedy...it was "THE LION KING". apparently she now thinks it's the best work of literature ever.
honestly, i was just having a frank talk w my mom 3 days ago on how all her children suck, and that she had better not bequeth anything to us, keep some money for herself, in case her bastard children abandon her n she has problems with spousal infidelity or something. she smiled the wane smile of realising that i'm right (hey, at least i admit that i'm not a very good kid), but at the same time wanting me to shut up.seriously, i hope that i won't grow up to be like those money grubbing bitches on tv who dump their parents in weird homes with strange redlippedcurlyhairedfullboobied nurses. that's why the gov. should subsidising old folk's homes, it's so cheap now it's convenient to dump your parents there..tsk.
anyway, cos of my total lack of morality, my parents forbid me to go out, i'm missing the sentosa trip..but still...HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRY!!! u guys could send me some pics and i could probably super-impose my face next to qing. or something. argh, still have a few more days to mug before block tests, need to do well so that mr barnard won't think i'm stupid. and so that i won't think i'm stupid. ditto for all the people i know. so that THEY (no one in particular...just, um, EVERYBODY~!!!@@#$#) won't think i'm stupid. sigh, i refuse to be stuck in this cycle of mediocrity all my life, determined to get SOME kind of scholarship.
anyway, on to happier things...
lemme think...
i lost 100g
i have 5 chocolate bars at home.
there's buffy tonight.
yep, that's abt it..:)ahh.. in bliss.
*rudely interrupted by asshole named handoko*
he's the absolute bastard n he ranks up there with my brother on the list of pple who piss me off most. was so angry i almost cried. no classmate has ever made me cry since pri one when the stupid bitch stole my pink crayon.this F#@$#@ asshole hasn't returned me my phone, and his attitude about it was plain wrong. i mean he asked me to stop bugging him cos "he needed to study for his geog". wtf, as if our phone conversations ever last past 3 mins.then he promptly proceeded to HANG UP ON ME. being the alpha female who would not stand to be bullied, i called back to retaliate, but, guess what, he asked his maid to blow me off. "he nn nnooo in now". for pete's sake i could HEAR HIM SAY "tell her i'm out" in the background . fucking asshole. just talking abt it makes me so pissed.
then i called his mommy the next day.
gracious tongwei didn't bitch abt the bastard to his mommy, instead, i very politely requestred that my phone be procured as soon as possible. starting to regret tht i didn't use stronger language. he certainly didn't rein in on the profanities.argh.
pw is not going anywhere either, ocs it seems that only ruilin n me are doing the proiject. melvin is another asshole, i have yet to receive any work done by him at all, but peck tells me he's always online. why the hell are u not participating in pw if you have so much time to go online!?!?!?! u sad bastard, i'm not going to give you a good grade at the end of pw. but then again, melvin has gained a rep for being an asshole, so i guesss he's not expecting a v good grade either. life is ruled and ruined by various assholes all over the place.
"and i rise from the ash
with my red hair
and i eat men like air"
!@#@#@%$#@ to all the bastards out there.mess with someone else.humph.
argh, got into MAJOR trouble with parents for lack of fillial piety..dad was yelling abt how i spend time giving free tuition to ouutsiders but never bothering to help with the family's needs. i do!!i sweep, clean, cook..when i told him that he threatened to slap auntie millet "THEN WHY THE FUCKING HELL DO I HIRE HER FOR???!!!"
proceeded to swear at me for next 15 mins, which wasn't the worst bit. stupid sister, after returning from england, started behaving in her pom pous anglophillic way, and didn't even stand up for me. argh, n she's not that fillial either, u know.only avoided screaming session by pretending ot be asleep. she woke right up the minute dad went downstairs.argh, she still has the cheek to talk to me abt the royal shakespeare theatre. since when was sharkespeare royalty anyway?and the play wasn't even some blockbuster tragedy...it was "THE LION KING". apparently she now thinks it's the best work of literature ever.
honestly, i was just having a frank talk w my mom 3 days ago on how all her children suck, and that she had better not bequeth anything to us, keep some money for herself, in case her bastard children abandon her n she has problems with spousal infidelity or something. she smiled the wane smile of realising that i'm right (hey, at least i admit that i'm not a very good kid), but at the same time wanting me to shut up.seriously, i hope that i won't grow up to be like those money grubbing bitches on tv who dump their parents in weird homes with strange redlippedcurlyhairedfullboobied nurses. that's why the gov. should subsidising old folk's homes, it's so cheap now it's convenient to dump your parents there..tsk.
anyway, cos of my total lack of morality, my parents forbid me to go out, i'm missing the sentosa trip..but still...HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRY!!! u guys could send me some pics and i could probably super-impose my face next to qing. or something. argh, still have a few more days to mug before block tests, need to do well so that mr barnard won't think i'm stupid. and so that i won't think i'm stupid. ditto for all the people i know. so that THEY (no one in particular...just, um, EVERYBODY~!!!@@#$#) won't think i'm stupid. sigh, i refuse to be stuck in this cycle of mediocrity all my life, determined to get SOME kind of scholarship.
anyway, on to happier things...
lemme think...
i lost 100g
i have 5 chocolate bars at home.
there's buffy tonight.
yep, that's abt it..:)ahh.. in bliss.
*rudely interrupted by asshole named handoko*
he's the absolute bastard n he ranks up there with my brother on the list of pple who piss me off most. was so angry i almost cried. no classmate has ever made me cry since pri one when the stupid bitch stole my pink crayon.this F#@$#@ asshole hasn't returned me my phone, and his attitude about it was plain wrong. i mean he asked me to stop bugging him cos "he needed to study for his geog". wtf, as if our phone conversations ever last past 3 mins.then he promptly proceeded to HANG UP ON ME. being the alpha female who would not stand to be bullied, i called back to retaliate, but, guess what, he asked his maid to blow me off. "he nn nnooo in now". for pete's sake i could HEAR HIM SAY "tell her i'm out" in the background . fucking asshole. just talking abt it makes me so pissed.
then i called his mommy the next day.
gracious tongwei didn't bitch abt the bastard to his mommy, instead, i very politely requestred that my phone be procured as soon as possible. starting to regret tht i didn't use stronger language. he certainly didn't rein in on the profanities.argh.
pw is not going anywhere either, ocs it seems that only ruilin n me are doing the proiject. melvin is another asshole, i have yet to receive any work done by him at all, but peck tells me he's always online. why the hell are u not participating in pw if you have so much time to go online!?!?!?! u sad bastard, i'm not going to give you a good grade at the end of pw. but then again, melvin has gained a rep for being an asshole, so i guesss he's not expecting a v good grade either. life is ruled and ruined by various assholes all over the place.
"and i rise from the ash
with my red hair
and i eat men like air"
!@#@#@%$#@ to all the bastards out there.mess with someone else.humph.
Monday, June 07, 2004
ah well, getting nostalgic,realised i'm starting to miss crescecnt, even though the last two yrs weren't that great, but still fondly recall some 4c1 ppl.. shiwen,quiying,shrads,gek,tracey,wila,abby,terri,daphne, ppl sitting at the right side of the class, right by position, and right by character:)we had some fun times, i still remember the time when hui ee was convinced that our sub was actually a male masquerading as a female, she had an awkward bump SOMEWHERE, you see, it's all so stupid now, but it was hysterically funny then..the queer female sub is teaching at hc now, and she does have some weird underwear, which could prob explain the weird growth... anyways, just chatted w shrads online, hiaz miss them cute ppl w all eccentric habits "stand on my right!!!" (yashira)
yellow plate food stall's no. one fan.. etc, well, if it's any comfort, i still see some of them online:) guess you'll just be friends for as long as possible, then you'll part amicably, not out of choice, but ...(is this the right word?) out of convenience, this way, when you see each other on the streets, you'll wave and exchange a perfunctuary greeting..."oh, hey, she was my best friend in secondary sch. wait!!give me one second, i'm sure i can remember her name...ahh!mary!no..wait, lucy!!yes, that's it. hey!lucy!!!"
"lucy says": "oh my gaaawwwd!!!is that you?!?! wei tong!!"
30 seconds later...
yellow plate food stall's no. one fan.. etc, well, if it's any comfort, i still see some of them online:) guess you'll just be friends for as long as possible, then you'll part amicably, not out of choice, but ...(is this the right word?) out of convenience, this way, when you see each other on the streets, you'll wave and exchange a perfunctuary greeting..."oh, hey, she was my best friend in secondary sch. wait!!give me one second, i'm sure i can remember her name...ahh!mary!no..wait, lucy!!yes, that's it. hey!lucy!!!"
"lucy says": "oh my gaaawwwd!!!is that you?!?! wei tong!!"
30 seconds later...
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
drama production is FINALLY over!!! hope this post-production ecstasy will last through the next few months...production was damn tiring, but we had sooooo much fun!got to know so many science ppl i probably wouldn't have had the chance of coming into contact otherwise!bought chocs for them, but hope i will not finish the entire packet by myself before i next see them.good karma propagating within, everyone is getting better looking!with exception of HAN WHO STILL OWES ME MY PHONE.THE ASSHOLE WHO HAD THE CHEEK TO REFUSE ME MY COMPENSATION!?!?!WTH?!?!WILL MAKE HIM PAY FOR IAN'S PRESENT...WILL CALL HIS MUMMY ONE DAY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM.HAN, THAT IS, NOT IAN.
anyway, had LD elections yesterday, which i kinda screwed up
(but what's new:)..mispronounced "similarly", finally gave up and said "likewise", which was really embarressing, but nevermind, will try not to screw up the interviews.
anyway, trying my best to finish up everything,ie writing new stuff for CAP;trying to impress no one in particular;hatching schemes to bribe cool singaporean gay poets to mentor me for CAP;finishing hol hmwk;cramming for 6 subjects in time for blocj tests next month;finish reading stack of books slowly piling up (i have no idea why i complusively borrow/buy somemore books even though i haven't finished the ones at home...argh);clean up room;spend more time with dog...and friends..lol,kidding, friends come first:);lose 2kg(that's not too difficult,right???:)
tiny bit of gossip i feel compelled to share(even though u guys might not care, but i HAVE to get it out)
it's really funny, voyueristic tendencies rearing and demanding for next visual feast..kl & cp & a are embroiled in some kind of torrid gut-wrenching triangle complex.it's hilarious(to me at least
) everything is SOOO cheesy it just makes you wanna slap them...qoute "I just want you to be happy with him.."*mournful look*lol, wth says that crap?!?!pointlessly hyterical..laughing to myself again.plus super humiliating and cringe-worthy spelling mistakes(online confessions splayed over person in subject's blog)!!!here's a teaser:
"Kisses are e norishments of life"
this is funnier:
"epitomy of saneness"
ok, will stop pruriently prying and gloating, it may not even be what it seems, cos there's some weird mention of JAS (strange new character i've never heard of, may be k's ex nanyang gf, who may not even be in hc, certainly not in humans though).okaaaay, mental apology to friends who don't deserve this ridiculing, but you know what, i can't help it, it's so funny.ianity.i must be too stressed out, either that, or too deprived, i mean even ch 8 drama serials have better scripts.
shut up and turn on the tv.
anyway, had LD elections yesterday, which i kinda screwed up
(but what's new:)..mispronounced "similarly", finally gave up and said "likewise", which was really embarressing, but nevermind, will try not to screw up the interviews.
anyway, trying my best to finish up everything,ie writing new stuff for CAP;trying to impress no one in particular;hatching schemes to bribe cool singaporean gay poets to mentor me for CAP;finishing hol hmwk;cramming for 6 subjects in time for blocj tests next month;finish reading stack of books slowly piling up (i have no idea why i complusively borrow/buy somemore books even though i haven't finished the ones at home...argh);clean up room;spend more time with dog...and friends..lol,kidding, friends come first:);lose 2kg(that's not too difficult,right???:)
tiny bit of gossip i feel compelled to share(even though u guys might not care, but i HAVE to get it out)
it's really funny, voyueristic tendencies rearing and demanding for next visual feast..kl & cp & a are embroiled in some kind of torrid gut-wrenching triangle complex.it's hilarious(to me at least
) everything is SOOO cheesy it just makes you wanna slap them...qoute "I just want you to be happy with him.."*mournful look*lol, wth says that crap?!?!pointlessly hyterical..laughing to myself again.plus super humiliating and cringe-worthy spelling mistakes(online confessions splayed over person in subject's blog)!!!here's a teaser:
"Kisses are e norishments of life"
this is funnier:
"epitomy of saneness"
ok, will stop pruriently prying and gloating, it may not even be what it seems, cos there's some weird mention of JAS (strange new character i've never heard of, may be k's ex nanyang gf, who may not even be in hc, certainly not in humans though).okaaaay, mental apology to friends who don't deserve this ridiculing, but you know what, i can't help it, it's so funny.ianity.i must be too stressed out, either that, or too deprived, i mean even ch 8 drama serials have better scripts.
shut up and turn on the tv.
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