The fears are too real for comfort. I hate this period of senseless waiting. It's torturous. Haven't heard from anyone yet, which must not be a very good sign.

At this point in time, I honestly feel that I can teach long-term. I've more or less settled into the environment, but everytime I think about this comfortable job, I'm forced to revaluate my chances.

Just tell me sooner. Life is still bleak.

it's hard to deal with the feeling you get when you realise your best isn't quite enough.



in the past week i've made bad calls, not thought over things well enough, reacted not-so-optimally to situations, been last-minute, been unable to focus, felt like i probably wasn't meant to do this, thought about myself as a person, thought about myself as a friend, thought about myself as a leader/worker and decided that, at least for now, i'm officially disappointed with me.



the thing that scares me is, i don't even have an optimistic phrase to put at the end of this blog that says oh you know, everything seems to be going bad and i'm upset but i know it'll be okay.



honestly, i don't.

Spent a nice, quiet day at home reading and caring for Bibs. The poor dearie got attacked by Tyson earlier in the week and had to be rushed to the vet's. Wounds are looking alot better, as compared to the two ghastly fang holes he had earlier. Ok, will not gross people out with descriptions of the pus. Anyway, Bibs will be duly entitled to the TLC he deservers. (:

Am planning to do something I haven't done in a loooong time -- go to church. Yes, my collegues have finally succeeded in dragging me off to their Punggolian congregation -- on Easter Sunday nonetheless! Will go with an open mind. (:

Uni stuff is trickling in slowly, and the wait is long and ardous. Feel like I'm back in December, all anxious and jittery. It's still kinda painful to read about how S is torn between Cambridge and Yale on her blog, but she really deserves her results, and even though I don't know her well, I'm happy for her.

Been thinking alot lately about future career paths (surprise, surprise). I don't really want to career jump too much, so the choice I make now is probably going to last a lifetime (sounds like I'm choosing a mate, eh?). But I'm not really in a position to choose now, am I.

In other news, The Sister's secret love affair thing is kinda cute, cos she takes care not to let anyone know about it, but there're always little tell-tale signs. (Ok, fine, maybe some need a little investigative probing...BUT I haven't told on her to The Parents...yet. Haha, I'm evil.) Well, she did leave her neoprints lying about... :p

Arrr, used to be unable to stand anything cutesy. Oh no, I'm turning to jell-o.

gahh... tests were atrocious. the math portion was amazingly difficult-no calculators allowed! reminded me of the d math paper one in secondary school. sigh, didn't even complete some questions, which is highly embarrassing, because i saw that the candidates around me had completed ahead of time. the moe one today had about 400 people (this is not an exaggeration) squeezed into an auditorium. which means that there are probably 1000 (since they conduct a number of sittings) people ALL applying for it. O M G.

Personality Test

Qn 1: Do you find yourself feeling inferior to others?

A Seldom
B Occasionally
C Frequently

Qn 2: Do you find it difficult to pluck yourself out of self-pitying moods?
A Yes
B Not Sure
C No

Oh dear.

bloody tests. pattern observation is Not my thing. am having a headache from looking at all the online practice tests, and attempted to print out some. but aborted plan when i found out i needed 53 pages. and yes, one more time with feeling- some students need to Die.

ahem, ok, maybe that wasn't so appropriate seeing how i'm applying to teach. owell, uni apps are all over and done with. except that i haven't mailed smu my cheque yet. oops, hope it's not too late. and i haven't gotten a teacher's reference for ntu. i think that's optional. gahh. life is back to being bleak.