Have resorted to the curious and potentially destructive habit of snipping off a bit of my fringe whenever I'm extremely frustrated with studying. Somehow, I feel just a little better without all that hair in my face. Entertained whimsical thoughts of collecting hair from individual snips, putting them in a little glass bottle and labeling them with love - "2oth Nov 2007, 3.14 pm, Qn4(b)", tie it up with a fancy lace and then toss them out the window.

Well, for now, the aesthetic consequences are putting a very quick stop to this new inclination.

In other more exciting non-follicular news, I've been checking out on the fantastic phenomenon of the "aurora borealis", commonly known as the "northern lights", which are visible from the tundra terrains of Manitoba. Plus I also found out that there are polar bears to be seen around this time of the year! Whee, the adventures that come with the Arctic. :)

The bad news: actually traveling to the outskirts from Winnipeg and finding accommodation is hellishly expensive and might snuff out any chance of me getting to witness these beautiful sights. Will have to contend with Google Images to satisfy my wanderlust for now.


A picture I pilfered off the net - the aurora borealis in Manitoba.

我很想家，但是我要离开这个国家， 到一个很远的冬天， 去哪儿看北斗星。

Yet another awesome Sunday, Amen.

Was pretty discouraged in the morning, cos I witnessed a caustic little argument between my parents and realized that my father can be a difficult man to be married to. And when I got to church, things were a little frenetic and people were generally irritable. (Mostly due to feeling sick I suppose) But then I heard an absolutely cutting lesson from ZQ, and I'm thankful that there are always people who really give it to be and tell me what I need to hear, although I don't necessarily want to hear it.

ZQ started off by asking if we think God meant to deny certain things from us, by giving us so much, but yet forbid us from eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Then he said that as much as God loves us, there are certain things he reserves for Him and only Him to define for us - mainly the prerogative to define our moral framework, to give a truly universal definition of Good and Evil, because we obviously don't know how - as evident from all the wars people are fighting over controversial issues, where each side thinks they are doing the "right" and "good" thing. Then he just said that we are so stubborn in living our lives in our own terms that we don't want to follow God's will for us.

Man. Just what I did NOT want to hear. Since I've been pretty much self-absorbed and neglecting other people. Timely reminder indeed.

Cookies were generally well received, save from a brief moment when I caught someone trying very hard to bite into one. Ahem, since I baked them in different batches, some were unfortunately not up to standard. Hee. Ohwell, there were some good ones from the other batches though! ;p

Then I headed to Ahyi's house for Simin jie's 21st Birthday Celebrations. Woot! Had sooo much fun just catching up with my cousins, cooing and fussing around my newborn nephew, getting advice about stuff, listening to my uncles talk shop and of course, stuffing my face silly. :p On the menu: Ee-fu noodles (good!), Cereal prawns (juicy!), Breaded fish (good!), mango pudding (sweet!) and other stuff. Generally had a good time just letting my hair down, talking about girly stuff (boyfriends, or the lack thereof (but we agreed that we are generally nonplussed about that:)), hair, shopping, traveling, studies, work). I like my extended family (well, most of them anyway...). And Daddy managed to coax Mummy with some very shiny birthday presents. ;p

Ok, back to prepping for tomorrow's presentation :)

I spent a lovely afternoon mixing, kneading, and baking in my little kitchen. Here are the fruits (cookies?) of my labour of love :)

The batter

The happy baker. (The shine on my face is testament to my hard work slaving over the oven ;p)

Made the mistake of baking the cookies till they were slightly brown. While they tasted absolutely delectable when they first popped out of the oven, the moisture has since evaporated and the cookies are now a tad hard to bite into. Well, a lesson learned for the next round of culinary adventures in Blk 232 Westwood Ave ;p

It's been a relatively good week, save from the initial grief at David's passing, but I've now come to accept it. Helped that we were all mentally prepared for the worst for a couple of weeks now. Nonetheless, I'm sure our brother is now enjoying far more exquisite delicacies in heaven. The rest of us will have to be contented with TW's chocolate cinnamon cookies. :)

Went to watch "Stardust" with the Bizaders last night, and I have to say that it's a Fantastic movie! Reminds me of why I love Gaiman so much. Am now lusting after the novel because I'm dead certain it will be eons better - all of Gaiman's subtle humour that cannot be translated onto the cinema screen will be made apparent on the humble pages. But for now, it will just have to be on my reading list, after I complete my current fixation "Cloud Atlas" (which is quietly hilarious and a really good period adventure/murder mystery/tragicomedy all rolled into one.) Anyway. Back to Stardust. Yavine was absolutely gorgeous, but what I relished most was Robert De Niro's turn as a gay pirate. Woot! Arrr! (I guess you'd have to watch it to get the joke ;p) Michelle Pfeiffer was suitably evil as the witch consumed by her vanity and the rest of the supporting cast were all pretty up to par.

Friday was movie marathon for me. After watching Stardust at Vivocity GV, I came back to my room in hall, snuggled up with a tub of BnJ's (strawberry cheescake!) and watched "Elizabeth". Also set in the Tudor times, but this movie had a totally different tone. Cate Blanchett was mindblowing as the titular Queen, and Geoffrey Rush chilled me as her scheming but loyal advisor. Bloody murders galore, double espionage, accusations of heresy, assassinations and high treason - very action packed Elizabethan drama, led by a very manly Queen. (Oooh, a memorable line: "I may be only a woman, but I am my father's daughter and if I so choose I can have the heart of a man." - imagine Blanchett's steely grace and baritone...*shiver*) Now I'm all psyched up to watch the sequel "Elizabeth: The Golden Age", which chronicles her reign, since the first one was about her ascension to the throne.

So, 2 very good movies back to back, managed to get my Finance done, now working on my UWC paper. Am doing a paper on "The Rise of the Prosperity Gospel: Faith and the Promise of Conspicuous Consumption", focusing on New Cr***ion Church in Singpapore. Must constantly remind self to remain objective and neutral. Definitely learning alot from the research, and just listening to some of the sermons scares me a bit. Something's a bit warped about their doctrine, and it's a bit suspicious that I can't seem to dig up any information on their founder Jose*h Prince (is that even his real name?). But ohwell, helps to strengthen my conviction on certain things. If you can't learn from their example, then at least learn from their mistakes.

Whoa, look at the time, better get back to my essay. :p

A highly peculiar scene unfolded on Saturday night as 10 people gathered round a brown coffin, simultaneously in laughter and in tears.

I'll never forget that moment, when it truly struck me how different Christian attitude towards death is. Had we been in a traditional Chinese setting, all of us would have been disowned and chased out of the funeral hall for being disrespectful, but because it was David, who laughed the loudest when he was alive, others understood our strange grieving process.

Our chuckles and tears blurred into one wet circle, as bittersweet partings are when we mourn the loss, but rejoice in his salvation. We held hands and recounted all our silly, irreverent stories about David, the little things that lift the corners of our lips when we think of our mighty mouse. The rocker in him, singing "My Sacrifice"; the amazing vocalist, who took on both the male and female singing roles in "One Night in Beijing" (full operatic splendor!); David going on and on during the devo the both of us led together, and how I was annoyed at him the previous night for forgetting to buy Kaya for the rest; our brother was always a talker, often running into overtime during his sharings; David with his earnest smile, I told him if I ever earned enough money, I'd pass it to him to manage it for me; David, with his epistles chock full of insights stemming from a maturity miles beyond his 21 years; David, with his small physique (I first noticed when we were on the MRT and I hovered a bit above him), and how his school mates would tease him about THAT tight SMU T-shirt - bro, you'd look good in that tight T-shirt in heaven now; David, dancing and karaok-ing with all the other great men of God named David;David, touring the hallowed halls and preparing a room for his family, his brothers and sisters.

David is loved for all the major ways he has impacted us, the warrior who fought hard and strong, but we find and have come to love him in the minute details of our shared lives as well.

I miss you bro, but I know you'll be waiting at the other side of the river.



In Loving Memory of our beloved brother,
David Liao Xiang Ping
20 Nov 1985 - 27th Oct 2007

OMG, I have to post this:

"Another study involving 17,600 men and women in 28 countries found that married men report doing even less housework than men who are live-in boyfriends.

Apparently, when couples just cohabit, they see themselves in more of a 'you do your part and I'll do mine' roommate relationship.

But once the institution of marriage kicks in, the division of labour changes. Even for couples with an egalitarian view on gender - seeing men and women as equal - husbands still report doing less housework than their wives.

Centuries-old standards of what a wife's 'duty' is just aren't so easy to change.

Thankfully, it's not a problem I have to deal with as a single.

What I do worry about, though, is what I'll do for dinner when my mother passes on.

Much as I like takeaways, there's only so much outside food one can stomach. But I can't cook, don't cook and won't cook.

My solution? Start compiling all her recipes. And then get a domestic helper who can not only do all the chores - but who is also a really, really good cook. " - Sumiko Tan, Straits Times Life Editor

This woman is hilariously callous. She's worried about her mother dying only because she won't get to eat her food any more?!?! And her solution? To find a maid to replace her mother. I think if I were the woman that gave birth to her, I mightjust keel over earlier from heartbreak.

Here's another paragraph that irks me: "I feel so lucky living in an era when women don't have to stay home but can go out to the workforce and kick ass, just like the men do. And when you're so busy in the corporate world, who has time to indulge in the culinary arts our mothers excelled in? Who wants to be like our mothers?

And isn't it even rather charming to be a damsel in distress in the kitchen? Isn't it kind of cute when a confident, competent woman becomes a little ditzy when she's in the kitchen? I think so, anyway. "

Seriously??!?! This is a woman who is highly accomplished in her career and she thinks acting cute in the kitchen is going to melt some hearts?!?! I'm imagining the scene - this 50 year old woman has got her index finger on a pouting lower lip, her hair is on fire and she looks bewildered at some man in the kitchen who'll save her from the torch on her head. -_-''

Incidentally, have been biased against her ever since her two-faced rampage against Catharine Lim in 1994. But yes, that does not detract from how woefully trapped she is in her bubble of spinsterhood.

Will be making my way to Mumbai, India the coming summer for an internship with Tata Group. Am extremely excited about it. But a bit worried too, because of the severely limited amount of time I have between the internship and NOC. I hope I have time to at least pack! Plans for my mother and sister to visit me in Philly are, at the moment to be reconsidered because of the timing, but you know, God will work something out :)

Prayed hard for this Tata thing, and for God to let me go if He thinks I'll grow from it. Heard lots about the place from Don, who went there this past summer, and he's had many good things to say about it. Apparently, his boss is Christian, and they spent every Sunday going to church and fellowshipping after that. I saw him give a bear hug to his boss when they saw each other in Singapore. Must say that's pretty rare.

Anyway, the selection round for the internship was pretty grueling. Spent almost the entire Friday (2 pm to 11 pm - NINE HOURS!!!) stuck in school for the selection. Definitely a good experience, cos I think future interviews might be conducted in a similar format.

Here's a recount:

First we had a presentation by one of the senior management from the group. Gave us an introduction to Tata and some snapshots of the IIP (International Internship Programme) from this summer (May 07). Snazzy movie clip about Tata's companies. Catchy soundtrack with Bollywood music.

Then we had the first round called the Chairman's discussion, where we were divided into groups and each individual took turns to lead the group discussion on a scenario presented to us by Tata. My scenario was about some competitor poaching the entire research team for one of the projects. I think if that happened in real life, I'd laugh and then decide if I want to jump ship as well. (Relax! I'm kidding :p Have more integrity than that la)

Then from there, a first cut was made and those who got through proceeded for a 2:1 interview, meaning one candidate with two senior executives. Thank goodness, no technical questions were asked, because I know nuts about engineering and what not. The lady told us it would be an informal chat for the panel to "get to know us better".

Ha.

Sample of the questions:
"What is Singapore's national bird?"

I actually giggled (!!!!:() and told them sorry, I have no clue, to which the kind gentleman give me a sympathetic smile.

"Who wrote the national anthem and under what circumstances?"
Thank goodness I <3 LKY and could tell them about our early nationalistic tendencies, heh.

"Give me your honest opinion about working in a limestone quarry where English is not spoken. And electricity has not been introduced."

I have to confess, I lied a bit about liking being in the sun. For those who know me, I detest getting burnt and I think UV rays are evil.

"Compare yourself to an animal"
My favourite, simply because this was so HUH?!?!

"Give me ten reasons why wearing a tie is unnecessary" (posed to Mili, who also got in - say Holla to a summer of crazy jokes: This guy is half Buddhist, half Catholic, depending on meal time inclinations to consume beef :p)

Star response: It is not part of my culture but I am forced to wear it as a reflection of western imperialism. (Woot! Love it!)

"Sing me a Singhalese lullaby" (posed to this girl called Sakina)
Response: "I don't know any, but I can sing you a Hindi lullaby if you want."

To which Mili, after being told of this question went "Man, that would have been an excellent question for me. I would still have been singing for them with percussion and everything" (Haha, I guess you'd have to be there for this one)

Anyway, 2008 is looking to be an exciting year with lots of traveling for me :)
Manitoba, Canada in Jan
Mumbai, India in May
Philadelphia, USA in July

Must spend remaining year in Singapore very wisely with family, disciples and friends. And will drag Qing along with me to Philly :)

Socrates says that "The unexamined life is not worth living." But then why is it always so painful to carve yourself up during reflection, gouging out all the critical judgments about you as a being, and treating yourself as a disparate entity to be prodded at. I wonder if reflection ever elicits a glow of satisfaction, that stems from the realization that I have indeed run the good race. We all fall short, but to continually feel melancholic about our mediocrity is to indulge in worldly sorrow.

Nevertheless.

This morning I spent time cleaning up my table and thinking about whether I was a good person and a good Christian, although those two are not necessarily interchangeable. And I realised that I'm still very selfish and unwilling to change that. Alot of things are still important to me.

Still.

The MMIS Competition is taking up waaay too much of my time. But there's Manitoba the fishing and whaling village to look forward to at the end of all this :)
(Is whaling even legal anymore?!?)

Anyway, been feeling bouts of blueness this last couple of days - a feeling I haven't had in a longlong time. But you know, one can't always be bursting at the seams with joy. Such is life, deal with it constructively and move on.

In happier news, have been fantasizing about the Philly holiday us three girls are going to embark on next year. My mom and sister are coming along with me for 2 weeks before term starts to help me "settle down". Whee! Which means Mummy gets to go on a long-deserved holiday!!! The woman needs to take a break and go off to see the world. I'm going to stuff her in walking shoes and we're gonna roam New York City - the Bronx, Flushing (American style Hainanese Chicken Rice! Mummy says smart people in America sell chicken rice), Brooklyn, Greenwich (Gay art! Haha, will get S to compare with her fav Victorian style:p). (I also suggested to stuff the both of them in YMCA to save on hotel fees so we can splurge on food, but we'll see about that) Note to self: Must plan itinerary such that sister will not have spare time to shop, since we all know how uncontrollable she gets upon catching a whiff of whatever silly brand she's into. Personally, I much prefer to spend moolah on good food rather than some bag which will go out of season the moment the temperature changes.

In slightly related news, I discovered that I will be spending a very lonely 21st birthday in Philly, away from everyone at home :( 21 is a lonely number indeed. This time round, will make sure I successfully contact the Philly church before I go so that I won't be so lost when I'm eventually there. :S

The work is really starting to flood in, and this week is the craziest yet, if my organizer provides any reliable forecast of my week's activities, my day will officially end at 9 pm on 2 days, and 11 pm on 3 days. :(

Ok, time to get back to those essays!

Now in the Sheares Library studying, but can't really concentrate cos can't stop thinking about David, which really makes me heavy-hearted. I think about Angela and his parents, how they must be dealing with his condition, I think about how it's like in the hospice. Is he the youngest there? What kind of uniforms do the medical staff wear? What's the pattern of the wallpaper? Is there fish and chips available? Bar Chor Mee? What does David want to eat? Does he have any appetite?

All these unanswerable, trivial questions, and of course, the biggest, baddest of them all, "Will he recover and get out, return to normalcy after all the metastasis is miraculously eliminated?"

Was doing my QT today and reflecting on how we may never understand God's ways, but are still called to obey his will.

Really made me reflect and decide not to take what I've been blessed with for granted. I can do so much more to love my family, friends. I can put so much more effort into whatever I'm doing, not out of obligation, but because I really love doing it, and also to present it to God.

Am very scared about visiting him tomorrow, but I hope he'll feel encouraged somehow.
Indeed, it's time to be prepared.

"Be prepared". That's what the doctors told us. How now?
"It's good to wait for his salvation silently."
Who's going to help us deal with it?
So many questions, but still need to obey.

Just received the confirmation that I'll be spending my third year in Wharton - so that's going to be exciting. But as of now, it seems something very far away. More immediate are the mid terms and various term paper deadlines. Anyway, one of the first things I did after receiving the news was to google for the Philadelphia Church of Christ, but I was seriously traumatized when the first 5 sites returned were all sites labeling the church as a banned cult. Was obviously uncomfortable with that, but as of now, I think I'll leave that for later thinking.

In other news, Prof Lau has assigned me to the Manitoba team, so it turns out that I'll be going away to Winnipeg, Canada in January. I actually wanted to be on the Washington team, but owell, there's still Philly to look forward to. Will also be potentially facing the prospect of spending New Year's Eve alone in Manitoba. :( Ok, must make use of interim time to get to know the other 3 team members(All guys - why do I always get myself into situations where I'm the lone female?!?!)so my New Year's Eve won't be so pathetic.

Ok, back to the books! Sheares Library is kinda comfortable :)

WOW, what I wouldn't give to hear that live :)
Yeah, keep me in the light.

Feel a bit lost now,after hearing about David's condition worsening. Kinda puts things into perspective and makes certain things suddenly seem trivial. The most horrible feeling is knowing that there's really nothing you can do except to pray and fast for him. And pray for those around him to stay strong and faithful.

Just completed a four-day Nomura Equity Forum at the Fullerton Hotel.
It definitely was a very fancy affair, I felt very glamorous, though obviously also very out of place, being one of the youngest participants.

It's my first time attending a professional forum, being immersed in a culture where top CEOs hobnob, set up one-on-ones, try to sell their companies to investors and persuade people to buy equities and commodities. (and many many other things which have abbreviations that are too complicated to remember.)

I definitely found myself getting temoted by the luxurious and worldly lifestyle they enjoy, where people are constantly at your beck and call, your meals are culinary works of art (I was too embarrassed to snap pics of my food. But here's a brief list: caviar, poached salmon, lemon squid, grilled sea bass with Mediterranean vegetables, cod, grilled chicken with spanish rice, chilledvanilla parfait, tiramisiu, chocolate fudge-type thing, all spread across 4 days, of course.), and you are chauffeured to all your destinations. Had to really talk to the sisters about struggling with the worldliness. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be successful, and I know God has great plans for us, but I just have to be really careful about not getting obsessed over it.

Am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, cos just heard that D will have to repeat his 7 cycles of chemo all over again. Just when we thought he was gonna complete treatment in time for semester to start.

I think I really need to learn from the spirit of Job and stop questioning "why", but focus on the response instead, Amen.

Just came back from an awesome Sunday!
Had Bible study with Sen after service, and as usual, Joyce was working her magic. Thst's why I love sitting in studies - getting convicted all over again.

Then I managed to spend time with Van in the evening. Makes me miss the days when she was, errr, more "available". Hee. It's been a while since we just had a sisterly couple of hours together just chatting and catching up. I think I really needed that, so, Amen!

Have resolved to blog more regularly so as to give myself an avenue to reflect, cos I think I tend to be too focused on activities and filling up my time with things to do that I forget about the initial purpose. Plus I may be feeling alot for a moment, but because I don't spend enough time on reflection, the issue just whizzes past and I fail to learn anything from it. And when I look back, I can't remember exactly what happened, what my reactions were and so on.

And also because my linguistic skills are deteriorating. (See, had problems spelling that...)

Anyhoo, just wanted to explicitly remind myself to remain Christ-like in all areas of my life, especially in school and at home, and to really live out a life that is presentable to God.

Things that I NEED to accomplish this month:
-Continue with bible study
-Finish Stanford Research paper
-Blog and reflect regularly
-RAG
-DND
(and all the other things on my Resolution List at the beginning of this year.)

Hm, ok, Reflection of the Day: I think I am a goal-oriented person, who also cares about feelings, which leads me to be arrogant in my frustration at the way meetings are being carried out, whether in school or in church. As to how I am going to respond to this trait. uh. Don't know yet, but I have an inkling of the direction I need to take ;)

I love my widget!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

In the midst of a flurry of camps. Had Business FOC and Campus retreat back to back, and now Rag camp in 2 days.

Am physically very tired, but also feeling like I'm in a good place in my life now. Just celebrated my first spiritual birthday. Woot! Can't believe that it's been a year. I'd like to think that I've changed alot - for the better of course. But I know that I still struggle with the same insecurities, the same sins at times. But nevertheless, am truly grateful for the disciples that have come into my life to help me grow. Indeed, God works through people, otherwise, how can you expect to "see God"? He's obviously not going to send a bolt of lightning or a burning bush or part the clouds to talk to you.

It is through His children that you see Him, and I'm blessed with an awesome bunch of brothers and sisters in the kingdom.

I am also very thankful for old friends like Qing, Sherry and Sen. Our friendship stretches back to literally one third of my life. (!!!) I love you guys and I love the way I can be myself around you all:) Qing is going to faint, but it is really my hope that you all can get to know God - trust me, He's a pretty awesome chap.

And even though we're not that close, I'm thankful for NUS Bizaders whom I hang out with. We may have very different personalities, but I am always surrounded with laughter. Bizad Club rules!

And of course, Hall mates whom I share my living space and consequently, my life with. You girls are the best neighbours ever, and you all are the reason I love Sheares Hall. :)

And my family, even through all the squabbles and annoyances, I love you all loads. (The feeling is mutual,right? Right??? :p)Although I definitely think we can handle our relationships alot better, it's a family that, for all its dysfunctional quirks, will stick together.

I'm looking forward to the starting of school. Just being immersed in the hectic schedule of academic work, CCAs, and balancing everything with being a disciple. I know that I need to rely more on faith, and not be so "geng" (as Van would say..) Opportunities abound, and I hope that I will make use of all that God has blessed me with, but also really to remember that there are somethings that I can control (which I should give my best to) and somethings that I can't (that is His territory). Like what Jesus says, each day has enough troubles of its own, so why worry about tomorrow?

Truly, when my spiritual life is doing good, everything else seems to fall in place.
Now to back my words and faith with deeds. :)

I'm finally home.



Here are some of the lovely people I spent my time with.


Some of the guys with our ever cool professor Dan on the left.
The crazy place that is Hollywood.


The Grand Canyon. It's more beautiful than it looks.


Trekking across the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and almost getting my face blown off by the wind.

More photos coming up when I've gotten all of them in order:)

Arrived at LA today, it's not as glamorous as I envisioned it to be, it’s actually kinda run down in some places, and like most of America, is starkly divided between the haves and the have nots. I’m staying in a hostel that’s opposite the Kodak Theatre where the Oscars are held every year, so I suppose that’s quite exciting in terms of being in the middle of town and everything.

Almost everything here has got to do with the world of entertainment, from Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Odditorium (hurhur) to Hollywood Wax Museum, History Museum, and the pavements lined with red stars to commemorate the careers of Hollywood greats, and of course, the souvenirs – the cutest of which are mini Oscar statues congratulating their receivers for being the best Mother/Son/Teacher etc.

There are just sooo many different people here!! For example, on the way home, there was a group of extremely rowdy teenage girls who were possibly prostitutes. They were swearing their mouths off and the whole train just kinda turned around to look at them, but after that, the other passengers just acted as if this were a normal occurrence.

Then outside our hostel. There’s this group of people who are Jesus lovers, so they’d be screaming with loudhailers “Give me a J!!!!...E…S…U…S!!!!!!!!!” What do you get?!?!? Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!”

And I happened to walk past the loudhailer just as they leader was starting the cheer, so my ears were ringing for a bit. I haven’t actually resolved what I felt about that, because on on hand, I think it’s admirable that they are proclaiming their love for Christ in such a public manner, but on the other hand, it just seems kinda in your face and all that….Hm, these are possibly the same mixed feelings I get towards street evangelism….

Along those lines, I find myself getting more impatient, bad-tempered and worst, of all, more judgemental about others. Take for example those teenage girls on the train, basking in their overt sexuality. Or H, with her whining. Or a myriad of other little pet peeves that bother me.

But the thing is, they don’t deserved to be judged like that by me, because God knows I have much worse thoughts and I haven’t been exemplary in my behaviour either. I didn’t manange to get in touch with the LA disiples, so of course I’m disappointed by that – was looking so forward to visiting the LA church.

Ok, 3 smokers have sat across me and I’ve been inhaling 2nd hand smoke for the past half hour -_-‘’

Off to bedroom bow:)

I'm falling asleep in the Green Library in Stanford right now - just so tired!!
But I know there's work to be done, so I'm blogging for a while to sufficientlty wake my brain up in preparation of research.

Well, came back to Palo Alto from Berkeley yesterday, and upon our return, we visited the Opportunities Industrialization Center West (OICW). The people there are deeply passsionate about the work that they do to benefit the East Palo Alto (EPA) community, with many of them having grown up in EPA themselves.

EPA is what I suppose someone would call a "ghetto", except that it has evolved from a majority Black community in the 1970s - 80s to the current majority Hispanic-Latino community. Most of the families there don't have a father figure because so many of the males are incarcerated and are absentee fathers.

Youths don't really seem to be motivated to invest in their own education, probably fuelled by Hollywood-style fairy tales of striking it rich by rapping or making it into the NBA. As Ms Chache (pronounced "Shashay") (I LOVE this woman!!!) "They think they got a bit of bling on their necks and they all that."

The parent(s) also tends to feel guilty and splurges on designer gear for the kids when the money could have otherwise gone into something more constructuve like buying books or their kids' college fun. Another Chache quote ("They got them $75 Nikes for them baby feet. I ain't gonna dress up my daughter in designer while I look like a ragdoll.")

Anyway, we had a really long discussion with Chache with what can be done to help the community, and she wrapped up by reading us one of the poems - entitled "I belive in Love". Kalamu Chache, I want to remember that woman.

We met so many fascinating characters here that I think the way I view people now has irrevocanbly altered. People here may not be especially religious, but they are doing so much good and they have so much passion for their work.

Some people I don't want to forget:
Lauren- effervescent Stanford girl. wrote on the 4-million smiles campaign
Ami and Paul - Viet-American girl and her WASP boyfriend who provided a blanket when it was freezing during Macbeth out in the open, sent us back to Comfort Inn, talked and shared with us their experiences and perspectives on American multi-culturalism. Ami wrote about the foreign maids in SG. Paul works in Google.
Bernard- smart gentleman. wrote paper on the political corruptness of the Singaporean judiciary system.
Prakash- viny's friend who works at Google as A GUI designer. Loves his job. We got a free smoothie courtesy of Google, who feeds all its employess for FREE.
Jamie-NY native who came to Berkeley to study cos the weather here rocks :P He brought us mountain climbing. The view up at the peak was AMAZING. Almost the entire San Francisco Bay Area was visible.
ACES group - a group of students interested in business. Had donuts and milk during the meeting. Taiwanese guy drove us back, but Vinod saw a Jack in the Box sign and an alarm went off in his head, so we ended up walking in the cold for 40 mins.

Ok, time to do research, will recount my experiences soon!!

*visit to Oakland, trying to find a church, visiting 9 churches, attending services, lunch with Dan and the guys, shopping, murals, People's park, tree huggers, zen, love, esoteric profressors, Macbeth, Memorial Church, meeting Singaporeans in Stanford and Berkeley....

Just finished the dreaded IT1801 paper. Gahhh. Well, at least it's finally over and done with. One more Statistics paper and I'll be done with my Freshman year. (!!!!)

Before you know it, I'll be graduating and working and getting married and giving birth and and becoming a grandparent and retiring.

Do you sometimes feel life is too short, yet too long - all at once?

*Update*

Tons of things to do after the exams, and I don't mean general goals of lying in bed watching TV, (though that is definitely on the list) but I mean things to be done with immediate emergency, like pack up all my stuff to move out of my lovely A316, unpack everything in new home in Lakeside (haven't even seen the place), finish up draft for Rag, delegate work so I don't get murdered by Pehsident, spend time with family, then pack everything and leave for the airport. All to be done within TWO days.

Ok, if you guys want anything specific from LA/San Fran, send me your list, heh.

"You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You" Isa 26:3

Thanks Hui Xian for the reminder(:

Wee Keong, sharing about his wife, Joyce during her birthday celebration:

Mushy Quote No 1:

"I always say, if I did not marry her, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now." (serving as an awesome leader in church!)

Even Mushier Quote No 2:
"I always ask my wife, "Are you an Angel?", Scarly on the deathbed reveal to me that she's not human, but an angel."

My goodness, can't believe that these 2 have been married for more than TEN years and each day they grow more in love with one another. It's amazing what a relationship built on the foundations of Christ can mature into.

Heh, I know it's way too early to even start thinking about it, but hopefully my marriage will be one filled with as much joy and love as theirs.

Uh, ok, feel abit funny for having that thought because I am right smack in the middle of EXAMS.

Gah, for now, my only love interest shall be Berenson the Amazing Statistician :) (3rd Edition, 2005)

Whee. Caught in the middle of a full on essay crisis. Funny, it's been a while since I had one. (I'm definitely not saying that I miss it though!) I'm currently totally blank about what to write to fill up the 3 pages, but I refuse to go all existential and uh, basically crazy.

Was up till almost 4 am last night wringing my brains out, it's really terrible to have to be bothered with this essay during reading week, but I guess I have no one to blame but myself. Was dozing off when I received a call from Qing. Although I was half concussed, and not making any sense over the phone, I thought it was sweet:) Someone's awake at this unearthly hour and bothers to call to tell me to switch off the lights, heh.

So, what do people generally think of Transnational Flows and Social Diversity in Singapore?
;)

Isn't it absolutely thrilling how I only blog during pre-exam periods? I swear the very feeling of refusal to do ANY sort of productive academic-related work will drive me to indulge in all sorts of nonsensical things.

I've got to admit that blog-surfing must be the no 1 time-wasting activity that I frequently indulge in. And I hardly even know some of these people!-_-''

Well, in some attempt to justify myself, I suppose it's a good way of keeping up with friends( albeit a bit too one-sided and stalkerish for my liking) you don't see that often.

In other news, I've decided to extend my trip to the US by one week and just take some time to travel around the area. Will be traveling with a couple of other strangers, so hurrah for my bravery and edgy spontaneity! So far, nothing is planned, but I've engaged Ant to do a spot of itinerary planning for me, so I won't be totally clueless when I get there. Am hoping to be able to link up with disciples from either the LA church or the Bay Area church. Who knows? Maybe I won't have to worry so much about accommodation, heh ;p

Had a really intense bible study with one of my oldest friends yesterday. I was feeling alot, but I didn't know how to encourage her or put my thoughts into words, and I'm especially afraid that I'll say the wrong thing and shoot myself in the foot. Dear: I just want to let you know that J, V and I will be here for you! Please don't turn us away.

I'm really thankful for the disciplers that I've had, and I know that at times, I haven't been appreciative enough of them, taking them for granted. And in doing so, taking God for granted because it was He who put these wonderful people in my life. I think being focused on God will help me keep away all other distractions.

Whoa, I actually think I managed to motivate myself a little after blogging!
Thank you blog for allowing me a space to reflect and refocus!

"Never allow anything to divert you from your insight into Christ. It is the true test of spirituality. To be unspiritual means that other things have a growing fascination for you"-Oswald Chambers

Pray that I'll always remember that.

Whee! Am excited. Will be flying off from 7 May to 20 May to Stanford for the Summer Programme. Promise to blog more about it soon(: In the meantime, study hard for the exams! My favourite examination-related verse:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Heb 12:1


And this made me cry yesterday-



Amen.

Oh man, this is classic, Alanis Morrisette is a genius.

Am mourning the loss of semblance of normal appearance. Hair is asymmetrical from all angles and fringe is a sharply defined staircase across my forehead. Sides are in the shape of a jagged bowl. The look is "village-idiot decides to go glam". Vaguely traumatized.

Photoshoot was relatively fun in the beginning, was feeling pampered having 6 people attending to me. Then all the hoity toity glee disappeared two hours into the process. I spent (no kidding) nine hours in the salon inhaling ammonia and having my face painted into a "chocolate tone".

What I initially thought was a simple shoot with me smiling into the camera for 30 mins max turned into a marathon photoshoot. They were aiming to have my skin colour and hair colour match. Goodness, we even shot a couple of poses against a similarly coloured wall, and I seriously blended into the brown wall.

Now have to contend with browless state cos they lasy shaved off half my brows. Will have to rely on brow pencil for the next couple of weeks. Amazing invention, the brow pencil.

Henceforth stops my experimentation with avant garde hairstyles.

In my room at 1 am, we're going crazy over our stats project, Joyce has her laptop on, well, her lap-

Ron: eh, put the laptop on the table lahh
Joyce: it's ok, i got no sperm.

-_-''

Culinary Science

I have never professed to be much of a cook, although I love to perceive myself as a connoisseur of sorts. The portentous descriptions of taste, with a vocabulary ballooning beyond the basic parameters of sweet, bitter, sour, and spicy (did I miss out anything?).

There is a dichotomous mix of admiration and scorn for those obscure food critics who abstrusely gush about the "full-bodiedness" and" intangible savoury flavours" of the food at hand. (granted the ability to Taste treads the strange line between the tangible and the intangible- it’s like love, really, but that’s best left for another time.)

Seasoning is never an exact science, each slab of fillet intrinsically different, each grain in a pinch of salt reacting differently with one another. Does one grain more or less really make a difference? This is different from the hard sciences like Physics, where one atom and another atom, under the same conditions, always produces the same results. You may argue that it is the same for food, but 2 slabs of fillets cooked under the same conditions are not the same to different people. Heck, the same fillet shared between 2 persons do not even illicit the same reactions. But on the other hand, a molecule of water is a molecule of water(is a molecule of water).

I wonder how people in the past used to cook, harking back to an era without calibrated weighing machines, thermostat ovens and all the Philip Starck designed kitchen appliances. Imagine – tender mammoth meat cooked by a cave man, compared to steak from Morton’s, that esteemed culinary institution. There is a curious revival of returning to basic methods of food preparation. Using coal ovens to bake pizza, prehistoric grills to cook meat- this manufactured primitivism has become a highly modern phenomenon in itself.

I would love to meet one of those people who proclaim that the food “talks” to them, one of those elusive food seers who draw prophecies from a plate of omelette. (Tea leaves are so last century.)

Perhaps that ability exists in some degree in all of us. An oily plate of Hokkien Mee from the hawker auntie who watched you grow up, pig innards stew painstakingly boiled by your grandmother because you have an exam tomorrow, and who can forget the ubiquitous black chicken with dang gui, that rancid concoction for bleeding girls – these speak to us in their own inimitable language, very often divine proclamations of love.

And on some days, I can taste God in a bowl of chicken soup.

Mid terms have been over for a while now, so it has been jolly and relatively peaceful the last couple of days. I love the routine of getting up, doing quiet time while eating breakfast (tea is my new addiction), reading the papers and catching up on my work in general.

Have been reading "My Utmost for My Highest" by Oswald Chambers for QT, and I have to say that it gets better everyday. Every single entry somehow seems to address whatever particular issue I'm going through. (So who says one needs to witness a burning bush or some other equally bizarre phenomenon to know that God works in our lives?)

In other reading material-related news, I have taken up "The End of Economic Man" by Brockway, which reminds me of Barnard and all his dry Brit ramblings. I miss his sense of humor. I have come to realize that I judge people heavily by their sense of humor, more specifically whether we are on the same wavelength. But I suppose friendships need to be based on more than our proclivity to laugh at the same jokes.
Anyway, this is one of my favourite shots of the campus ministry at Mari's place during the CNY cross-island house visiting extravaganza. We all look gloriously happy :)

Woot!

We celebrated dear Vanessa's birthday yesterday. The whole campus gathered at Raffles Hotel for an awesome time of fellowship. Heh, the sisters managed to squeeze a few tears from our august leader after all the sharing. Anyway, I'm really thankful to have her as a small group leader, where I can feel like I can tell her anything, and she'll be there to lend a listening ear. She really loves the ministry and everyone in it, even though we may not be all that lovable at times. (yeahyeah, self-admittedly).

Anyway, had a packed day today, had a great time visiting the cousins. Karen is getting bigger by the day, and I'm so excited about the new baby (potentially a nephew. wheeee!) It was nice just to spend time with the extended family, talking about nothing in particular, catching up with one another. Hm, I really do want to hang out with the cousins more, since they're mostly working and can afford the time, I suppose it 's up to me to take the initiative. I promise to make time for them during the break. (Heh, I kinda have my activities planned out: to the roads of Singapore, look out!)

Ok, been trying to stay on top of my work, which has been going on the way I suppose one expects work to go. I've forgotten the feeling of intense mugging, but oh well.

I've been thinking of a new blog name, and I contemplated "riversidegirl", just to "gek" (there really is no proper English word for this!!) Marilyn the lakesidegirl, except that there's no river nearby and I don't live close to any romantically scenic water bodies, save the Sheares Hall pond. :X heh.

Rationality and Religion

"I have converted to Life. I see his god in the millionth position of pi, in the arguments of Phraedrus, in a perfect paradox. But that is not enough for Millat"

-Magid, White Teeth, Zadie Smith

We're still in the middle of LNY (ahaha, the anal retentive side of me refuses to call it CNY.:p) and the visiting has dwindled down to a trickle. But I'm still looking forward to this Sunday's visits to John and Wee Keong's houses.

The week has flown past and I always catch myself doodling away my time, filling up my schedule with loads of activities, not all productive, but mostly enjoyable, heh.

It has come to my neighbour's attention, my somewhat irrational addiction to mediocre entertainment. I loooove watching TV, even when I obviously cannot stand what is being played on screen! I'd continue merely for some perverse need to have the screen flashing with moving images. Hmm, perhaps if motion is all I need, it would be better to tune in to some esteemed channel like BBC or CNA, so at least some of the useful information gets filtered to my brain. Anyway, I resolve to listen to MJ's nagging and wean myself off this addiction in time for the exams. I notice that I tend to replace one sin with another. It's like "Amen, I no longer smoke!! I've moved on to marijuana instead" -_-''

Am psyching myself up for the Bibletalk later, which will be the first that I'll be leading (and very hopefully not the last:p). Hm, I suppose it's like a usual sharing, except we have more friends over.

Someone is playing Hindi music at top blast, I think it's from upstairs. Just so happens that I'm currently reading "White Teeth" by Zadie Smith, which leads me feeling all Indian-ish. Think I'll have prata for dinner later.

I think I shall keep up with the blogging more consistently now, so that my writing abilities don't completely die out on me:) Anyway, it's nice to have an outlet to type out random thoughts and indulge in whimsical digressions every once in a while. As Mari would put it - Random White
Noise. Enjoy the fuzzzzzz.

Well, when one has exhausted all the options presented by blog surfing, one pathetically turns to updating one's own blog.

Life has been alot more complicated since I became a Christian, I have to worry about being righteous, denying myself, being sensitive to emotional sisters, being more self-controlled and minding my propriety with brothers. But all has been good, and I'm thankful for these people in my life.

It's quite scary how much my faith is based on my fellowship with the brothers and sisters, whether it's them encouraging me, keeping me accountable or just plain having fun. I think I need to learn to strengthen my personal walk with God.

Moved back in hall a couple of days back, and I have to say that I've missed this place and all the independence it gives. I do need some time away from the family- I think it actually helps our relationship that I'm not there to irritate each other.

The neighbours have been the same old raucous bunch and I've missed the 7 Lolitas of Block A.

Ok, seem to be suffering from a mild case of sore eyes, so am going to bed early.

PS The familiar stench from a dubious girl on our level is back:(

Hello 2007:)

I've done up my list of resolutions, my most thought out and seriously considered list ever. Hope to be kept accountable by all the sisters, especially those in my small group. Looking forward to an awesome semester!