"Be prepared". That's what the doctors told us. How now?
"It's good to wait for his salvation silently."
Who's going to help us deal with it?
So many questions, but still need to obey.

Just received the confirmation that I'll be spending my third year in Wharton - so that's going to be exciting. But as of now, it seems something very far away. More immediate are the mid terms and various term paper deadlines. Anyway, one of the first things I did after receiving the news was to google for the Philadelphia Church of Christ, but I was seriously traumatized when the first 5 sites returned were all sites labeling the church as a banned cult. Was obviously uncomfortable with that, but as of now, I think I'll leave that for later thinking.

In other news, Prof Lau has assigned me to the Manitoba team, so it turns out that I'll be going away to Winnipeg, Canada in January. I actually wanted to be on the Washington team, but owell, there's still Philly to look forward to. Will also be potentially facing the prospect of spending New Year's Eve alone in Manitoba. :( Ok, must make use of interim time to get to know the other 3 team members(All guys - why do I always get myself into situations where I'm the lone female?!?!)so my New Year's Eve won't be so pathetic.

Ok, back to the books! Sheares Library is kinda comfortable :)

WOW, what I wouldn't give to hear that live :)
Yeah, keep me in the light.

Feel a bit lost now,after hearing about David's condition worsening. Kinda puts things into perspective and makes certain things suddenly seem trivial. The most horrible feeling is knowing that there's really nothing you can do except to pray and fast for him. And pray for those around him to stay strong and faithful.

Just completed a four-day Nomura Equity Forum at the Fullerton Hotel.
It definitely was a very fancy affair, I felt very glamorous, though obviously also very out of place, being one of the youngest participants.

It's my first time attending a professional forum, being immersed in a culture where top CEOs hobnob, set up one-on-ones, try to sell their companies to investors and persuade people to buy equities and commodities. (and many many other things which have abbreviations that are too complicated to remember.)

I definitely found myself getting temoted by the luxurious and worldly lifestyle they enjoy, where people are constantly at your beck and call, your meals are culinary works of art (I was too embarrassed to snap pics of my food. But here's a brief list: caviar, poached salmon, lemon squid, grilled sea bass with Mediterranean vegetables, cod, grilled chicken with spanish rice, chilledvanilla parfait, tiramisiu, chocolate fudge-type thing, all spread across 4 days, of course.), and you are chauffeured to all your destinations. Had to really talk to the sisters about struggling with the worldliness. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be successful, and I know God has great plans for us, but I just have to be really careful about not getting obsessed over it.

Am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, cos just heard that D will have to repeat his 7 cycles of chemo all over again. Just when we thought he was gonna complete treatment in time for semester to start.

I think I really need to learn from the spirit of Job and stop questioning "why", but focus on the response instead, Amen.

Just came back from an awesome Sunday!
Had Bible study with Sen after service, and as usual, Joyce was working her magic. Thst's why I love sitting in studies - getting convicted all over again.

Then I managed to spend time with Van in the evening. Makes me miss the days when she was, errr, more "available". Hee. It's been a while since we just had a sisterly couple of hours together just chatting and catching up. I think I really needed that, so, Amen!

Have resolved to blog more regularly so as to give myself an avenue to reflect, cos I think I tend to be too focused on activities and filling up my time with things to do that I forget about the initial purpose. Plus I may be feeling alot for a moment, but because I don't spend enough time on reflection, the issue just whizzes past and I fail to learn anything from it. And when I look back, I can't remember exactly what happened, what my reactions were and so on.

And also because my linguistic skills are deteriorating. (See, had problems spelling that...)

Anyhoo, just wanted to explicitly remind myself to remain Christ-like in all areas of my life, especially in school and at home, and to really live out a life that is presentable to God.

Things that I NEED to accomplish this month:
-Continue with bible study
-Finish Stanford Research paper
-Blog and reflect regularly
-RAG
-DND
(and all the other things on my Resolution List at the beginning of this year.)

Hm, ok, Reflection of the Day: I think I am a goal-oriented person, who also cares about feelings, which leads me to be arrogant in my frustration at the way meetings are being carried out, whether in school or in church. As to how I am going to respond to this trait. uh. Don't know yet, but I have an inkling of the direction I need to take ;)

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In the midst of a flurry of camps. Had Business FOC and Campus retreat back to back, and now Rag camp in 2 days.

Am physically very tired, but also feeling like I'm in a good place in my life now. Just celebrated my first spiritual birthday. Woot! Can't believe that it's been a year. I'd like to think that I've changed alot - for the better of course. But I know that I still struggle with the same insecurities, the same sins at times. But nevertheless, am truly grateful for the disciples that have come into my life to help me grow. Indeed, God works through people, otherwise, how can you expect to "see God"? He's obviously not going to send a bolt of lightning or a burning bush or part the clouds to talk to you.

It is through His children that you see Him, and I'm blessed with an awesome bunch of brothers and sisters in the kingdom.

I am also very thankful for old friends like Qing, Sherry and Sen. Our friendship stretches back to literally one third of my life. (!!!) I love you guys and I love the way I can be myself around you all:) Qing is going to faint, but it is really my hope that you all can get to know God - trust me, He's a pretty awesome chap.

And even though we're not that close, I'm thankful for NUS Bizaders whom I hang out with. We may have very different personalities, but I am always surrounded with laughter. Bizad Club rules!

And of course, Hall mates whom I share my living space and consequently, my life with. You girls are the best neighbours ever, and you all are the reason I love Sheares Hall. :)

And my family, even through all the squabbles and annoyances, I love you all loads. (The feeling is mutual,right? Right??? :p)Although I definitely think we can handle our relationships alot better, it's a family that, for all its dysfunctional quirks, will stick together.

I'm looking forward to the starting of school. Just being immersed in the hectic schedule of academic work, CCAs, and balancing everything with being a disciple. I know that I need to rely more on faith, and not be so "geng" (as Van would say..) Opportunities abound, and I hope that I will make use of all that God has blessed me with, but also really to remember that there are somethings that I can control (which I should give my best to) and somethings that I can't (that is His territory). Like what Jesus says, each day has enough troubles of its own, so why worry about tomorrow?

Truly, when my spiritual life is doing good, everything else seems to fall in place.
Now to back my words and faith with deeds. :)

I'm finally home.



Here are some of the lovely people I spent my time with.


Some of the guys with our ever cool professor Dan on the left.
The crazy place that is Hollywood.


The Grand Canyon. It's more beautiful than it looks.


Trekking across the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and almost getting my face blown off by the wind.

More photos coming up when I've gotten all of them in order:)

Arrived at LA today, it's not as glamorous as I envisioned it to be, it’s actually kinda run down in some places, and like most of America, is starkly divided between the haves and the have nots. I’m staying in a hostel that’s opposite the Kodak Theatre where the Oscars are held every year, so I suppose that’s quite exciting in terms of being in the middle of town and everything.

Almost everything here has got to do with the world of entertainment, from Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Odditorium (hurhur) to Hollywood Wax Museum, History Museum, and the pavements lined with red stars to commemorate the careers of Hollywood greats, and of course, the souvenirs – the cutest of which are mini Oscar statues congratulating their receivers for being the best Mother/Son/Teacher etc.

There are just sooo many different people here!! For example, on the way home, there was a group of extremely rowdy teenage girls who were possibly prostitutes. They were swearing their mouths off and the whole train just kinda turned around to look at them, but after that, the other passengers just acted as if this were a normal occurrence.

Then outside our hostel. There’s this group of people who are Jesus lovers, so they’d be screaming with loudhailers “Give me a J!!!!...E…S…U…S!!!!!!!!!” What do you get?!?!? Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!”

And I happened to walk past the loudhailer just as they leader was starting the cheer, so my ears were ringing for a bit. I haven’t actually resolved what I felt about that, because on on hand, I think it’s admirable that they are proclaiming their love for Christ in such a public manner, but on the other hand, it just seems kinda in your face and all that….Hm, these are possibly the same mixed feelings I get towards street evangelism….

Along those lines, I find myself getting more impatient, bad-tempered and worst, of all, more judgemental about others. Take for example those teenage girls on the train, basking in their overt sexuality. Or H, with her whining. Or a myriad of other little pet peeves that bother me.

But the thing is, they don’t deserved to be judged like that by me, because God knows I have much worse thoughts and I haven’t been exemplary in my behaviour either. I didn’t manange to get in touch with the LA disiples, so of course I’m disappointed by that – was looking so forward to visiting the LA church.

Ok, 3 smokers have sat across me and I’ve been inhaling 2nd hand smoke for the past half hour -_-‘’

Off to bedroom bow:)

I'm falling asleep in the Green Library in Stanford right now - just so tired!!
But I know there's work to be done, so I'm blogging for a while to sufficientlty wake my brain up in preparation of research.

Well, came back to Palo Alto from Berkeley yesterday, and upon our return, we visited the Opportunities Industrialization Center West (OICW). The people there are deeply passsionate about the work that they do to benefit the East Palo Alto (EPA) community, with many of them having grown up in EPA themselves.

EPA is what I suppose someone would call a "ghetto", except that it has evolved from a majority Black community in the 1970s - 80s to the current majority Hispanic-Latino community. Most of the families there don't have a father figure because so many of the males are incarcerated and are absentee fathers.

Youths don't really seem to be motivated to invest in their own education, probably fuelled by Hollywood-style fairy tales of striking it rich by rapping or making it into the NBA. As Ms Chache (pronounced "Shashay") (I LOVE this woman!!!) "They think they got a bit of bling on their necks and they all that."

The parent(s) also tends to feel guilty and splurges on designer gear for the kids when the money could have otherwise gone into something more constructuve like buying books or their kids' college fun. Another Chache quote ("They got them $75 Nikes for them baby feet. I ain't gonna dress up my daughter in designer while I look like a ragdoll.")

Anyway, we had a really long discussion with Chache with what can be done to help the community, and she wrapped up by reading us one of the poems - entitled "I belive in Love". Kalamu Chache, I want to remember that woman.

We met so many fascinating characters here that I think the way I view people now has irrevocanbly altered. People here may not be especially religious, but they are doing so much good and they have so much passion for their work.

Some people I don't want to forget:
Lauren- effervescent Stanford girl. wrote on the 4-million smiles campaign
Ami and Paul - Viet-American girl and her WASP boyfriend who provided a blanket when it was freezing during Macbeth out in the open, sent us back to Comfort Inn, talked and shared with us their experiences and perspectives on American multi-culturalism. Ami wrote about the foreign maids in SG. Paul works in Google.
Bernard- smart gentleman. wrote paper on the political corruptness of the Singaporean judiciary system.
Prakash- viny's friend who works at Google as A GUI designer. Loves his job. We got a free smoothie courtesy of Google, who feeds all its employess for FREE.
Jamie-NY native who came to Berkeley to study cos the weather here rocks :P He brought us mountain climbing. The view up at the peak was AMAZING. Almost the entire San Francisco Bay Area was visible.
ACES group - a group of students interested in business. Had donuts and milk during the meeting. Taiwanese guy drove us back, but Vinod saw a Jack in the Box sign and an alarm went off in his head, so we ended up walking in the cold for 40 mins.

Ok, time to do research, will recount my experiences soon!!

*visit to Oakland, trying to find a church, visiting 9 churches, attending services, lunch with Dan and the guys, shopping, murals, People's park, tree huggers, zen, love, esoteric profressors, Macbeth, Memorial Church, meeting Singaporeans in Stanford and Berkeley....

Just finished the dreaded IT1801 paper. Gahhh. Well, at least it's finally over and done with. One more Statistics paper and I'll be done with my Freshman year. (!!!!)

Before you know it, I'll be graduating and working and getting married and giving birth and and becoming a grandparent and retiring.

Do you sometimes feel life is too short, yet too long - all at once?

*Update*

Tons of things to do after the exams, and I don't mean general goals of lying in bed watching TV, (though that is definitely on the list) but I mean things to be done with immediate emergency, like pack up all my stuff to move out of my lovely A316, unpack everything in new home in Lakeside (haven't even seen the place), finish up draft for Rag, delegate work so I don't get murdered by Pehsident, spend time with family, then pack everything and leave for the airport. All to be done within TWO days.

Ok, if you guys want anything specific from LA/San Fran, send me your list, heh.

"You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You" Isa 26:3

Thanks Hui Xian for the reminder(:

Wee Keong, sharing about his wife, Joyce during her birthday celebration:

Mushy Quote No 1:

"I always say, if I did not marry her, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now." (serving as an awesome leader in church!)

Even Mushier Quote No 2:
"I always ask my wife, "Are you an Angel?", Scarly on the deathbed reveal to me that she's not human, but an angel."

My goodness, can't believe that these 2 have been married for more than TEN years and each day they grow more in love with one another. It's amazing what a relationship built on the foundations of Christ can mature into.

Heh, I know it's way too early to even start thinking about it, but hopefully my marriage will be one filled with as much joy and love as theirs.

Uh, ok, feel abit funny for having that thought because I am right smack in the middle of EXAMS.

Gah, for now, my only love interest shall be Berenson the Amazing Statistician :) (3rd Edition, 2005)

Whee. Caught in the middle of a full on essay crisis. Funny, it's been a while since I had one. (I'm definitely not saying that I miss it though!) I'm currently totally blank about what to write to fill up the 3 pages, but I refuse to go all existential and uh, basically crazy.

Was up till almost 4 am last night wringing my brains out, it's really terrible to have to be bothered with this essay during reading week, but I guess I have no one to blame but myself. Was dozing off when I received a call from Qing. Although I was half concussed, and not making any sense over the phone, I thought it was sweet:) Someone's awake at this unearthly hour and bothers to call to tell me to switch off the lights, heh.

So, what do people generally think of Transnational Flows and Social Diversity in Singapore?
;)

Isn't it absolutely thrilling how I only blog during pre-exam periods? I swear the very feeling of refusal to do ANY sort of productive academic-related work will drive me to indulge in all sorts of nonsensical things.

I've got to admit that blog-surfing must be the no 1 time-wasting activity that I frequently indulge in. And I hardly even know some of these people!-_-''

Well, in some attempt to justify myself, I suppose it's a good way of keeping up with friends( albeit a bit too one-sided and stalkerish for my liking) you don't see that often.

In other news, I've decided to extend my trip to the US by one week and just take some time to travel around the area. Will be traveling with a couple of other strangers, so hurrah for my bravery and edgy spontaneity! So far, nothing is planned, but I've engaged Ant to do a spot of itinerary planning for me, so I won't be totally clueless when I get there. Am hoping to be able to link up with disciples from either the LA church or the Bay Area church. Who knows? Maybe I won't have to worry so much about accommodation, heh ;p

Had a really intense bible study with one of my oldest friends yesterday. I was feeling alot, but I didn't know how to encourage her or put my thoughts into words, and I'm especially afraid that I'll say the wrong thing and shoot myself in the foot. Dear: I just want to let you know that J, V and I will be here for you! Please don't turn us away.

I'm really thankful for the disciplers that I've had, and I know that at times, I haven't been appreciative enough of them, taking them for granted. And in doing so, taking God for granted because it was He who put these wonderful people in my life. I think being focused on God will help me keep away all other distractions.

Whoa, I actually think I managed to motivate myself a little after blogging!
Thank you blog for allowing me a space to reflect and refocus!

"Never allow anything to divert you from your insight into Christ. It is the true test of spirituality. To be unspiritual means that other things have a growing fascination for you"-Oswald Chambers

Pray that I'll always remember that.

Whee! Am excited. Will be flying off from 7 May to 20 May to Stanford for the Summer Programme. Promise to blog more about it soon(: In the meantime, study hard for the exams! My favourite examination-related verse:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Heb 12:1


And this made me cry yesterday-



Amen.

Oh man, this is classic, Alanis Morrisette is a genius.

Am mourning the loss of semblance of normal appearance. Hair is asymmetrical from all angles and fringe is a sharply defined staircase across my forehead. Sides are in the shape of a jagged bowl. The look is "village-idiot decides to go glam". Vaguely traumatized.

Photoshoot was relatively fun in the beginning, was feeling pampered having 6 people attending to me. Then all the hoity toity glee disappeared two hours into the process. I spent (no kidding) nine hours in the salon inhaling ammonia and having my face painted into a "chocolate tone".

What I initially thought was a simple shoot with me smiling into the camera for 30 mins max turned into a marathon photoshoot. They were aiming to have my skin colour and hair colour match. Goodness, we even shot a couple of poses against a similarly coloured wall, and I seriously blended into the brown wall.

Now have to contend with browless state cos they lasy shaved off half my brows. Will have to rely on brow pencil for the next couple of weeks. Amazing invention, the brow pencil.

Henceforth stops my experimentation with avant garde hairstyles.

In my room at 1 am, we're going crazy over our stats project, Joyce has her laptop on, well, her lap-

Ron: eh, put the laptop on the table lahh
Joyce: it's ok, i got no sperm.

-_-''

Culinary Science

I have never professed to be much of a cook, although I love to perceive myself as a connoisseur of sorts. The portentous descriptions of taste, with a vocabulary ballooning beyond the basic parameters of sweet, bitter, sour, and spicy (did I miss out anything?).

There is a dichotomous mix of admiration and scorn for those obscure food critics who abstrusely gush about the "full-bodiedness" and" intangible savoury flavours" of the food at hand. (granted the ability to Taste treads the strange line between the tangible and the intangible- it’s like love, really, but that’s best left for another time.)

Seasoning is never an exact science, each slab of fillet intrinsically different, each grain in a pinch of salt reacting differently with one another. Does one grain more or less really make a difference? This is different from the hard sciences like Physics, where one atom and another atom, under the same conditions, always produces the same results. You may argue that it is the same for food, but 2 slabs of fillets cooked under the same conditions are not the same to different people. Heck, the same fillet shared between 2 persons do not even illicit the same reactions. But on the other hand, a molecule of water is a molecule of water(is a molecule of water).

I wonder how people in the past used to cook, harking back to an era without calibrated weighing machines, thermostat ovens and all the Philip Starck designed kitchen appliances. Imagine – tender mammoth meat cooked by a cave man, compared to steak from Morton’s, that esteemed culinary institution. There is a curious revival of returning to basic methods of food preparation. Using coal ovens to bake pizza, prehistoric grills to cook meat- this manufactured primitivism has become a highly modern phenomenon in itself.

I would love to meet one of those people who proclaim that the food “talks” to them, one of those elusive food seers who draw prophecies from a plate of omelette. (Tea leaves are so last century.)

Perhaps that ability exists in some degree in all of us. An oily plate of Hokkien Mee from the hawker auntie who watched you grow up, pig innards stew painstakingly boiled by your grandmother because you have an exam tomorrow, and who can forget the ubiquitous black chicken with dang gui, that rancid concoction for bleeding girls – these speak to us in their own inimitable language, very often divine proclamations of love.

And on some days, I can taste God in a bowl of chicken soup.