Just came back from union camp yesterday and church 1/2 hr ago:) The brothers were extremely sweet- they surprised us with SAD day today. Haha, it actually stands for Sister Appreciation Day. The whole campus ministry (20 plus people or so?) gathered at Ant's void deck where the brothers sang "Prince of Peace" and "LOVE" (L is for the way you look at meee...) for us and Sera teared up a bit. Then each bro presented a sis with flowers and a short testimony. And they treated us to a cake with pink icing on top, which read "SAD", We were laughing that the patissier must be weirded out my the message. Well, now that the standards are set for BAD (I'm sure you can figure out what that stands for, heh), the sisters will have to come up with something memorable.

Union camp was fun! Er, save for SP night, where I was seriously bored with the programme and my SP. No offence to the organisers, but the pageant was seriously Boring!! Haha, ok, will stop being excessively mean:p Thank goodness for an awesome OG. Although we were a bit sian and unenthu at first, pool games and Sentosa really perked us up. Appreciate all the warm girls and guys who always had rubbish to contribute to conversations. Have come to notice that it's somewhat better to talk to guys about school, since they're older and more kancheong about being away from academics for 2 years. (David, I'm talking about you. bro:p)

Ok, will post up pictures when I'm done uploading them. OG outing in a coupla hours, so shall go totter about and complete my chores before then.:)

Woo, haven't loaded this page in ages! When I look at my last entry, I'm thankful that I've since grown up a lot. And of course, a whole lot has transpired since April. Stopped work at Tanglin during the June hols, slogged at Coffee Club as a waitress, studied the Bible intensively throughout, and got baptised on the 25th of June. :)

I'm slowly realising the subtle changes that are taking place in my life.(Clearly, aside from the glaring ones like, er, starting Uni!!!) Now, whenever I feel especially drained or swept away, I remind myself that my life is lived in God's glory, and that the Lord will provide me with refuge. I've learnt so many things about God, spirituality, life and love through the church, and I've noticed that whenever I pray, I'm usually thanking the Lord for all the People He has blessed me with.

The sisters and brothers are awesome and encouraging, and their friendship is of a different sort from worldly relationships. I know I can turn to them for spiritual guidance. There is a level of openness that I've not experienced thus far.(: The Campus Ministry is truly a dynamic place(:

Yes, some of the lessons are scary, and I don't agree with everything, but I'm convicted that if you are truly inclined towards God, you'll be welcomed into His arms. This may not mean worldly prosperity or a charmed life henceforth, because the Lord is more interested in making your life Holy than making it Happy. Yup, it's tough love. I always come home from service reaping a new lesson, no matter how small. Just yesterday, I came across for the first time, a verse that warns of the Lord abandoning you (Isaiah 54), this is markedly different from the usual preaching that God will never forsake you and so on. Strangely, it is somewhat comforting to know that yes indeed- do not take the Lord for granted, He will hide his face from you if you choose to turn away in the first place. But there is always the reassurance that God will warmly welcome you back should you decide to trek back in His direction.

Hm, am worried that this period of relative spiritual strength (as compared to my usual self-reliance not so long ago) will slowly erode once the hysterics of university starts. It is going to be a challenge to dutifully do Quiet Time, devote time and effort towards church and generally be Christ-like when the whole world around you seems to be zooming ahead with their own pagan speed. But I take heart that there are many others in the ministry who are at similar stages in their lives, and that through encouraging one another, we may grow in spiritual strength! (:

In other more secular matters (ahem, this is debateable since many people believe it is God's will being excercised, haha), World Cup 2006 has finally ended! The past month of fellowshipping with friends, cheering for the teams, stuffing our faces and basically reverting to primal behaviour has been awesome. That's why I love WC, even though I don't normally watch football. I'm amazed at how this event can bring people together and we temporarily indulge in ourselves.

Thanks to all mah football khakis out there who made the WC so enjoyable! Heh, late night ferrying from Macdonalds to home(Zw: I have faith in your driving even though you failed twice:p), lazing about and staying over at Ian's (feel slightly guilty for treating his place like a hotel, haha. Lan, U know we love u, man:)), the racuous crowd at church (what can I say? A bunch of campus students, free flow of caffeine and junk food plus a tight match=FUN).

Ok, it's getting late and I need to catch up on my sleep. NUS Union Camp tmr! Just know we'll have a blast, like we always do when we're together:) (er, ok, I may be in a different og, but we'll still have fun!! Heh)

The fears are too real for comfort. I hate this period of senseless waiting. It's torturous. Haven't heard from anyone yet, which must not be a very good sign.

At this point in time, I honestly feel that I can teach long-term. I've more or less settled into the environment, but everytime I think about this comfortable job, I'm forced to revaluate my chances.

Just tell me sooner. Life is still bleak.

it's hard to deal with the feeling you get when you realise your best isn't quite enough.



in the past week i've made bad calls, not thought over things well enough, reacted not-so-optimally to situations, been last-minute, been unable to focus, felt like i probably wasn't meant to do this, thought about myself as a person, thought about myself as a friend, thought about myself as a leader/worker and decided that, at least for now, i'm officially disappointed with me.



the thing that scares me is, i don't even have an optimistic phrase to put at the end of this blog that says oh you know, everything seems to be going bad and i'm upset but i know it'll be okay.



honestly, i don't.

Spent a nice, quiet day at home reading and caring for Bibs. The poor dearie got attacked by Tyson earlier in the week and had to be rushed to the vet's. Wounds are looking alot better, as compared to the two ghastly fang holes he had earlier. Ok, will not gross people out with descriptions of the pus. Anyway, Bibs will be duly entitled to the TLC he deservers. (:

Am planning to do something I haven't done in a loooong time -- go to church. Yes, my collegues have finally succeeded in dragging me off to their Punggolian congregation -- on Easter Sunday nonetheless! Will go with an open mind. (:

Uni stuff is trickling in slowly, and the wait is long and ardous. Feel like I'm back in December, all anxious and jittery. It's still kinda painful to read about how S is torn between Cambridge and Yale on her blog, but she really deserves her results, and even though I don't know her well, I'm happy for her.

Been thinking alot lately about future career paths (surprise, surprise). I don't really want to career jump too much, so the choice I make now is probably going to last a lifetime (sounds like I'm choosing a mate, eh?). But I'm not really in a position to choose now, am I.

In other news, The Sister's secret love affair thing is kinda cute, cos she takes care not to let anyone know about it, but there're always little tell-tale signs. (Ok, fine, maybe some need a little investigative probing...BUT I haven't told on her to The Parents...yet. Haha, I'm evil.) Well, she did leave her neoprints lying about... :p

Arrr, used to be unable to stand anything cutesy. Oh no, I'm turning to jell-o.

gahh... tests were atrocious. the math portion was amazingly difficult-no calculators allowed! reminded me of the d math paper one in secondary school. sigh, didn't even complete some questions, which is highly embarrassing, because i saw that the candidates around me had completed ahead of time. the moe one today had about 400 people (this is not an exaggeration) squeezed into an auditorium. which means that there are probably 1000 (since they conduct a number of sittings) people ALL applying for it. O M G.

Personality Test

Qn 1: Do you find yourself feeling inferior to others?

A Seldom
B Occasionally
C Frequently

Qn 2: Do you find it difficult to pluck yourself out of self-pitying moods?
A Yes
B Not Sure
C No

Oh dear.

bloody tests. pattern observation is Not my thing. am having a headache from looking at all the online practice tests, and attempted to print out some. but aborted plan when i found out i needed 53 pages. and yes, one more time with feeling- some students need to Die.

ahem, ok, maybe that wasn't so appropriate seeing how i'm applying to teach. owell, uni apps are all over and done with. except that i haven't mailed smu my cheque yet. oops, hope it's not too late. and i haven't gotten a teacher's reference for ntu. i think that's optional. gahh. life is back to being bleak.

March hols are here! but still have to do work--> setting mid-yr exams. don't think i'm gonna get paid for doing ot though. owell, will hopefully be able to get my ass down to finishing up all the essays i have to submit (boo) and finish reading all the books i have lying around (i'm horrible like that). all's ok i guess. one year ago, if you told me i had to remain in sg, i would probably whine and moan, but now, i'm genuinely ok with that fact. just hope that i'll accept whatever comes my way with an open heart.(: ok i'm off to craft crafty MCQs, heh

I'm going to start my crazy-assed militant training programme tomorrow. This requires the stripping of individual identity to form a cohesive whole contingent. I shall address the students by reg nos, and they will address me as "Miss Ooi Please" (Yes I have included "Please" as part of my name.) or "Mdm". I will not respond to anything else. Especially not "cher" or "oy". Corporal Punishment will be included in the regime, and this includes standing on the table and spinning according to the ceiling fan's motions. Miss Ooi (my new Christian name "Please" has been omitted for the sake of proper syntax and sane English) will periodically change the speed of the fan (we have moronic slowness suited for the -ahem- heavier ones. (Yes political correctness aka common courtesy is also encouraged in this new regime. I shall set the example.) We also have maniacal spinning when Miss Ooi is in a groovy mood and turns the knob to the max. And by groovy I mean Krakatoan explosion)

Male students are prohibited from standing less than one arm's length to Miss Ooi, unless I make the first move towards you (note the subtle switch of pronouns. Muahaha, this is part of my psychological warfare strategy which will break down even the nastiest bastard.)

Targets:

3E2: Aaron, Weijun, Teck Cheong (unless he crosses over to the Light ie Miss Ooi's side--Darkness must not, it must never(!) triumph)

3E3: Andrew, Chipong, Chuan wei, Terence. The whole schoolboy crush has long worn thin and I have to restrain myself from literally strangling them. To curb these murderous thoughts, I have taken to reading "Siddhartha", but sadly, I have yet to relinquish my worldly violent tendencies and desires to amputate certain teenaged beings.

Behold the new militant bitch in town. Bring it on, man.

came back from a nice meal with some of the ns guys who were not struck with tekong flu, so yayy to white blood cells and uh various bodily things that protect teenage boys from nasty viruses(:
yabbered the whole afternoon away in breeks with the 15ers, and i miss the guys with all their corny jokes. everyone needs people like junyong and ian in their lives to hammer.

steamboat at shuki's house last night was nice and cosy with just the few of us. heh, felt a tad guilty cos we left all the washing up to her parents, plus, they had to wait for us to finish before they could eat:x but i'm proud to announce that i was the only polite guest who brought stuff over. the rest just shamelessly sponged off. plan to play mahjong failed miserably cos we got carried away with the yabbering. and we left at the rather sad time of 10 since most of us had to work the next day. talked about some pretty sobering stuff last night, but the future has always been bleak and very sobering, so yes, that's that- deal with it.
the whole "we're at the crossroads where we have to make life changing decisions" thing does not get easier the more you talk about it. in fact the enormity increases every single time you think about it. hurhur, it's always at the back of our minds.

it's times like these that i wish for some religious rooting to fall back on. zing said that living for yourself is just not worth it. initially, i disagreed, but i think i've come to see her perspective. anyway, i think i need some alone time- not the watch tv alone type, but some serious quiet time. i haven't been doing that in a looong time.

Oh man, I never thought a bunch of 15 year olds could make me so frustrated. I really appreciate crescentian discipline now that I'm at Tanglin. The sec 3 syllabus is in a total mess. The two classes are having such serious discipline problems that I'm actually panicking at the speed we are going, seeing that I spend most of the time yelling at them. We are NEVER going to finish in time for the test, haha-next week. This would all be terribly funny if it wasn't happening to me. The sec 2s are angels compared to those insufferable attitude giving pubescent twits. Gar. Ok, must stop muttering under my breath in class cos they can hear me and it would hurt their feelingsyadayadayada. Anyway, the point is, what happened to the good old days of yore when sec 3 students actually paid attention?!?! Ive stopped nagging at them and allowed some to do as they like, which is not doing any good for the rest who want to learn. Ohdear, I'm beginning to sound like one of those bitter spinster teachers who nag all day long and are the most unpopular creatures in school. Ok, we'll see how my killer test goes, maybe that'll wake them up.

Went back to beloved Hwachu yesterday(: the songs always give me goosebumps. sigh, i <3 Hwachu. pity i missed the fire display and glam fac heads cos I almost cancelled going in favour of watching Lovers in Paris :x heh, i know,iknow, it's pretty pathetic right? haha, but whatever la. it's my first korean drama!(: omg, they are SO addictive. much better than whatever ch8 spews. went to makan at adams after the campfire! and felt slightly better cos i just read a new study proclaiming that it's not how late you eat, but WHAT you eat that matters. Uhh, i'm still trying to figure how much of that was a breakthrough :x

Anyway, in other updates: my teaching job is....uh kinda fun. I mean i'm not hollering in ecstasy or anything, but yeah, it's fine. The students can get a little rowdy at times. Case in point: I was relief teaching with Mrs C during home ec and both of us were in chare of 2 normal sec 3 classes put in the same room. the guys simply were not in the least bit interested in completing a complex mindmap on Veggies (no kiddingman) so they were basically making alot of noise and playing online games when they should have been researching on the methods of cooking,storage and nutritional value of Vegetables. I sorta understand the reluctance of 15 yr old gangster-types being repulsed by such topics. ("cher!!!zhu se mo zhu?!?!dunno larrr.you so clever you help me do everything lahhh" To which i actually burst out laughing, which, on hindsight might be just slightly inappropriate given that Mrs C was fuming just behind me:x) But these guys do have a sweet side. Was travelling on the bus in the morning when i saw Leo (one of the aforementioned anti-veggie guys) swaggering up the bus. Then i saw that he was holding his little brother's (pri3?) hand on the moving bus, and sort of shoving him into the inner seat so he won't fall onto the aisle. The coarse affection really brought an all round aww feeling, which was definitely a nice respite from the usual gar-i-want-to-strangle-you-so-shut-up thoughts.

Am now online trying to look for interesting geogy pictures, and am complating whether to show them Han's geog porn collection, which is really amusing. But am worried about whether the content is too explicit. Um, actually it's nothing much la, just a couple of phallic looking landforms and provocative patches of grass. yeah, you get my drift. otherwise i guess i'll just have to settle for scenic looking farms. (We're on Arable Land now:))

ok, off to look for PG geog pics now...

New musical find: Arcade Fire:)))

Last night's countdown at Esplanade was possibly the saddest countdown I've ever attended. But in a good way, haha. It was beyond crowded and everyone was quite literally pasted to each other. eeks. Did not even manage the traditional 54321 countdown since we were too far away from the main action to hear the countdown, so by the time we realised it was time, well, it was past time.:X oh well, but the fireworks were amazing-10 glorious minutes, albeit hampered by badly positioned trees. Arrr, could only catch glimpses of the pyrotechnics through the leaves, which might sound vaguely poetic now, but, trust me, is immensely frustrating. gar.

But met nice new ppl!I think their names were Wesley and April. Sher and Qing's collegues from Hellish Hanabi (alliteration!heh). Had fun lounging in Hagan Dazz at 12.30 am.(:

2005 has been an intense year, and I'm glad it's over. Hope 2006 turns out great(: Good luck to all of us. Show me the moneyy!!! I'm sure I'll have lots to blog about later on when my pupils (who might very well be older than I am-!!!) start giving me brain aneurysms and heart burn. gar. Plus all the begging for money from various Orgs. gar. BUT! Our True Warrior (haha, I'm never gonna hear the end of this, but gimme a break, I was 13 and into Tamara Pierce:p) will remain optimistic and doggedly persistent. Pugnacity is puggalicious. ok, ok, enough with the canine allusions.

I guess what I want to say is Happy New Year Everyone!

The club that became St. Catherine's Society took its name from its original meeting place, St Catharine's Hall, a house in Broad Street now forming part of Hertford College. However the connection with the saint is is appropriate for a college founded on an ethos of high academic standards combined with a doggedly independent streak.

Catherine was one of many women carried off from Alexandria by the Emperor Maxentius in 305. Maxentius brought fifty philosophers to convince her that her belief in Christianity was foolish but Catherine had studied in depth, and although aged only eighteen, confounded the arguments of the philosophers and ended up converting them. Maxentius had the philosophers put to death and Catherine imprisoned. However, when the Emperor's wife was also converted after visiting Catherine in prison, the Emperor decided that she had to die. A wheel set with razors was constructed and Catherine was tied to its rim, but instead of cutting her to pieces, the wheel broke and some of its splinters and razors injured the onlookers. Finally Catherine was beheaded.

The College celebrates its patron saint each year with a special Catz Night dinner, attended by junior and senior members of the College, at the end of which a giant Catherine wheel is lit in the quad.

Oh boy.

PROM PICTURES (:

http://www.shutterfly.com/view/slideshow.jsp?auto=1&aid=67b0de21b34c632e6576&js=1134188969578

(Bitte - nicht so schnell! = Please - not so fast (drive slowly))

OMG... can't believe this is an actual place in Austria. Imagine putting this in my tourism essay. (negative externalities of sex tourism eh.)

anyway, been worrying about bibs (my cutestfurrywurrydoggiewogie) lately, there seems to something wrong with his right eye, and he looks as if he's squinting all the time. Oh no, this is very bad, but he's not that old (only 10) but everyone says they usually live till 15-16. I'll give it a few days, but if his condition's still not improving, it's off to the vet's...

I feel a complusive Need to blog about this, release some angst and hopefully feel a bit better. The interview was BADbadbad, so the following post is going to be a Blow by Blow (pun intended) account of it.

Argh, it started off ominously, I couldn't really understand what she was saying because of her accent, so when she asked me if I was the last of Mr White's little lambs (ie the last Geoger of the day), I heard "Have you tried any of Mr W's little lambs," which I of course thought was an appreciative tribute to Mr W's culinary skills, so I almost told her all about the chocolate fudge brownies he baked us last week. Fortunately I stopped myself in time and deciphered her question properly enough.

Then she asked me the inevitable Friendly Social Question ("Where would you most like to visit?"), to which I chamged my choice destination THREE times. 1. Africa (then I realised it wasn't a country) 2. Kenya (then I realised I forgot the name of the tribe I wanted to visit) 3. Peru (because it has 28 out of the 32 available climates!)

Following that, she asked me about solving the aging population problem, which was okay, I suppose, but then she asked me why I would want to solve it. So I gave her the standard quip about how sensitive jobs in the political arena and the military should be taken up by Singaporeans. AND THEN -ahem- she accused me of being xenophobic. (!!!BADBAD) So there was this small silence where I frantically tried to save myself, while she went on about "how sewn up our society was", how "PAP (she pronounced it pap) has killed off the opposition," and the" ideal solution would be to kill off everyone aged above 65." In comes horrible joke about recurring costs of burial and funerals.

It goes further downhill-

We went on to talk about The Article (this arcane piece on "Fossils of Quadrupeds"). (AAAAArghhhh)

I didn't really know where to start, so I just gave a summary, and stupidly started talking about Paleoclimatology--> global warming and how skeptics question it, to which she said "Global warming? My foot" (I'm not kidding, those were her exact words), to which I laughed weakly in response and said "So I see you're a Skeptic".

Then she started on this truism "the absence of evidence is the evidence of absence", and she asked me whether the author agreed with the statement. ARghhh. badbad. She had to ask me the question 3x before I gave her the specifics.

I was absolutely freaked out by now, so her constant pausing to cough made me all the more nervous (were my answers so shockingly absurd as to induce a coughing fit?!?!). Then she asked me about a giant mammal found in Madagascar (homoflorenscian or something) and I didn't anything about it!!!!! ("So the debate is, are these creatures a new species of quadrupeds, or were they merely suffering from island dwarfism 20000 years ago?" omgddddd)

I think by this time she was kinda fed up, so she said, "Alright, now, do you have any questions for me?" Diediediedie. Intelligent Question Thinking Time suddenly sprang up, and I wasn't prepared to leap into fluvial geomorphology, so I asked her about some lame thing regarding conducting a census of the ocean, and whether she believed in the existence of exotic, undiscovered species on earth. Then she told me about some giant squid they found off the coasts of Africa or sth.

Her parting words: "Go find out more about those homoflorenscians."

And no I do not feel any better.

urgh, am a bundle of nerves. the interview is tmr, and i'm scheduled to go after sh and jy, both very good students. i'm going to look like a complete moron next to them. and Dr Babs Kennedy (the interviewer) is one helluva geographer. she specialises in -ahem, wait for this- Fluvial Geomorphology. i mean wth is fluvial geomorphology (i even had trouble typing that out)(!!!). argh. Must Calm Down, in order to avoid difficulty pronouncing multi-syllable words-yes- that tends to be a problem sometimes. Mr White very cheerfully informed me that past topics of discussion have included "The Lunar Landscape"- ?!?!?!?. right. (am turning out to be a Punctuation Whore.) argh. the only understanding i have of that topic is it's association with ancient Latin medical hypotheses relating to lunacy, which i am succumbing to slowly - but oh so- surely.

Must Not Panic.

Dr B Kennedy
Summary - Fluvial geomorphology, history of geomorphological and geological thought.

A fluvial geomorphologist by training, Dr. Kennedy's research in that field has moved from valley asymmetry to river networks in general and the role of tributary junction in particular. In parallel with this, she has become increasingly interested in the historical development of ideas about landscapes and land forms, especially valleys, since the Eighteenth Century. Her work at present is focussed upon Charles Darwin's experience of valley forms during the Beagle voyage and the significance of his Patagonian and Chilean travels.

-ohno, i'm too young and ignorant to face such brilliance.-

should i shake her hand? but everyone tells me i have sweaty palms when i get stressed, and tmr, make no mistake, tw WILL "get stressed", to put it mildly.

Somebody please help me. I think i might need to see a doctor for some of those pills hz n k have been popping. seems to have done them ALOT of good :x me want some tooooo.

yes,yes, i know i'm lousy, no need to keep reminding me.

haha, the Beckhams always crack me up.

anyway, just found that that there's not going to be any lessons on tues and wed, cos the tutors haven't finished marking - this break is lasting waaayy longer than i thought it would/should. arghh, can't regain my mugging momentum, so am a bit worried about that. have been relatively happy and carefree for the past few days, cos of, well yeah, the extended break and of course because i have yet to know my results (except for math and gp). heh, so have been spending time watching movies, eating, shopping, lounging around (semi-stylishly :X)

but sending off huixin and co last week brought me much grief. sigh but that has been discussed to DEATH. haha, shuki, risse and i were so depressed after that and worrying about econs, but mr b has *benevolently* decided to drag out our anxiety.

anyway, wanted to blog about "city of god", cos it's a freakin gooood movie. damn sad though, i actually cried a number of times, esp when i saw all these kids (apparently, none of them are professional actors, and they're mostly real ppl pulled out from Rio de Janeiro) shooting and killing with guns bigger than they are. urg, extremely disturbing. and i cried when Benny, (without doubt my favourite gangster-he's kinda cute n v funny, ok, i know i'm trivialising the film but he's cute what...) died after being mistakenly shot by some hoodlum.

the show's based on a true story (originally a novel written by Paulo Lins) about gun/drug gangs in the slums of Rio and the constant power tussle between the lords. the cinematography is fantastic and everything looks so grimy and real. there were times i forgot i was watching a movie, cos it seemed so much like a documentary. the angles are alternately subtle and in your face, and there's an added layer of narration from the central charac, who's an aspiring photographer, so the story is told partly through his lenses.

I was remembering all the facts we learnt abt Rio in Geog last year, as one of the main case studies of slums and sqatter settlements in ELDCs, and i realised how different it actually is in the movie. our notes tell us of all the govt plans to provide cheap mass housing, electricity, jobs etc for the people, with only passing mention of the deep rooted corruption that is so much a part of reality. the situation of the brazilian middleclass sounds really bad, but it 's alot worse for those living in the periphery. everyone is hooked on drugs and it's the only livelihood for many of them, cos we all know that peddling drugs brings decent money in a town where the drug lords make the laws. (it's actually constuctive in a thwarted way cos the drug lords ensure law and order so they don't attract the attention of the cops, which leaves them to carry out their business without interference.) almost everyone in the movie talks about "getting out of here someday". the cynic in me says that sounds like Davies wanting to get to Sidcup, and that there will always be shattered dreams but i better not be too dismissive, cos i just might be at the wrong end of the stick :X cynicism is too much of a luxury right now.

yes, will enjoy last few moments of peace before pandemonium breaks loose when my maid returns to manila for 2 weeks and i start receiving my papers back.

it's the last paper tmr (S Lit), am feeling an odd mix of relief and dread, and a very draining haplessness, but i can't bring myself to study anymore. have been staring at TWO shelves full of books, half of which i've never read before, and the other half of which i've totally forgotten. i think i may be the only candidate tmr who's got nothing to talk about except a few A and O Level texts. KOC anyone?

quite depressing, especially when others are doing cool stuff like Ian McEwan, JM Coetzee etc, but i don't know much about their work, so, yes, am reduced to a bout of whining and self-pitying. but i do think i read quite considerably, it's just that i don't really absorb all the complex intricacies and Themes/Concerns of the books. I just read them y'know? As a result, i can remember that I've read the book, I can remember if i liked it or not, but i have no clue as to discussing it at an academic level. Plus i just can't crap enough to link and cross-reference them properly. (imagine cross referencing jeanette winterson and Koc...hmm, actually, i do see a sort of semblance, with jw's lesbos and the possible suppressed homosexual desire edmund has for kingshaw..hey, i might not be that hopeless afterall...) argh, am panicking, but not quite. (it's another sort of brooding and brewing sort of panic)

and haven't been writing in a long time, sigh, can't seem to start again. (it's kinda like exercising :x)

BUT, am muchly looking forward to traditional class fishing outing on tues, heh, still remember the trip last year, and HZ actually going home to cook our catch (: i hate (most) fish though, can't stand the taste, so when she brought these yummy looking fried things that looked like macdonalds fish fillets, i characteristically stuffed one in, but immediately spat it out, and i saw glimpses of silver and almost vomitted. would have been quite funny though-- imagine the new hwa chong insignia: a brown girl, holding a brown fish, projectile vomitting brown liquid, all very colour co-ordinated and etc.

argh, perpetually stuck in state of Existential Panic. people have been commenting that those 2 have become my favourite words of late, hah, but i think i shall reduce my usage of them, cos i want to preserve some of their oomph. :)

i usually have tons of crap to talk about here, but today, am strangely at a loss for words, but just felt like blogging anyway, probably cos i spent the last hour blog surfing :x eeps, i know, feel guilty.

Daddy's birthday is on tues! so, am happy that i'll be free from mugging to celebrate it with him, will be getting a nice prezzie for him from the whole family, so the budget has inflated quite considerably :p <3 him alot though he often gripes (jokingly i hope) about me being fat, lazy, stupid, unfilial -- did i mention i was getting him a present....

ok whatever, shall definitely blog more tmr when the plug from my throat is pulled out by the Post-Prelim Goddess. wth, how am i supposed to write 3 passable essays like that!?!?!?

Antony and the Johnsons

oh man, they make me cry

Fistful of Love

I was lying in my bed last night staring
At a ceiling full of stars
When it suddenly hit me
I just have to let you know how I feel
We live together in a photograph of time
I look into your eyes
And the seas open up to me
I tell you I love you
And I always will
And I know that you can't tell me
So I'm left to pick up
The hints, the little symbols of your devotion
I feel your fists
And I know it's out of love
And I feel the whip
And I know it's out of love
I feel your burning eyes burning holes
Straight through my heart
It's out of love
I accept and I collect upon my body
The memories of your devotion

Cripple and the Starfish

Mr. Muscle forcing bursting
Stingy thingy into little me, me, me
But just "ripple" said the cripple
As my jaw dropped to the ground
Smile smile

It's true I always wanted love to be
Hurtful
And it's true I always wanted love to be
Filled with pain
And bruises

Yes, so Cripple-Pig was happy
Screamed " I just compeletely love you!
And there's no rhyme or reason
I'm changing like the seasons
Watch! I'll even cut off my finger
It will grow back like a Starfish!
It will grow back like a Starfish!
It will grow back like a Starfish!"

Mr. Muscle, gazing boredly
And he checking time did punch me
And I sighed and bleeded like a windfall
Happy bleedy, happy bruisy

I am very happy
So please hit me
I am very happy
So please hurt me

I am very happy
So please hit me
I am very very happy
So come on hurt me

I'll grow back like a Starfish
I'll grow back like a Starfish
I'll grow back like a Starfish
I'll grow back like a Starfish

I'll grow back like a Starfish
I'll grow back like a Starfish
I'll grow back like a Starfish
I'll grow back like a Starfish
Like a Starfish...

It's poetry, heh, but strictly not for mugging listenership, which brings me to the another purpose of this entry:

Ode To Jay Chou's Fantasy Album (in my opinion, the best fecking mandarin album i own)

Year of purchase:2002
Location: Pirated cd shack in Hong Kong

IT'S easy listening, and i know all the lyrics by heart, his mumbling has attached itself irrevocably in a comfortable cranial corner (awwyeah, alliteration) you just flow with his music, and it's like listening to an old friend musing about life. i'm never bored of this album (i should know, i listen to it almost everynight). In fact, zhoudong eradicates boredom, you are suddenly not that tired anymore. the arrangement of the songs show a flow that mirrors the mugging process.
first you start out wistful, hopeful,(ai zai xi yuan jian~love before the western era, or sth liddat) then you start getting a bit frustrated, vindictive (the anti-mother-basher rap opus ba, wo hui lai le~ ahpa, i'm home). But you start to mellow, trying to convince yourself that it's all v simple (jian dan ai~simple love). you persevere as the night drags on (ren zhe~the tolerant one...it's difficult to translate the sublime poeticism of jay;p)you enter a period of existential panic as you realise that the fecking prelims are 3 days away, you ask fundamental questions about your existence, but you find out that (kai bu liao kou~my mouth cannot open) all you yearn for is to hark back to a simpler era (shanghai 1943) but you're suddenly reminded of all the blessings of the 21st century, and you feel slightly embarrassed about your incessant whining (dui bu qi~sorry la) the witching hours are the hardest to deal with (wei lian gu bao~the old castle with witches) you start hallucinating about macbeth's ghosts etc (no kidding)the climax is approaching! you psyche yourself up with a high-energy nanchaku flinging number (shuang jie gun~nanchaku). the end is nearing, the dawn is dawning you feel a sense of accomplishment from reading 2pgs of sloman, and you retire to sleeeep (an jing~quiet).

Right, that was my incoherent ode to mah homeboy jay chou. <3 him
ok, am off to listen to jay (:

because i'm a dreadful slacker.

1.

Han: So there's this cool james bond villain with a metal jaw and he goes around eating ppl
Nurul: how cool!!
Tong Wei: hey nurul, aren't you only supposed to eat halal food? but men are not halal
risse, shuki: omg, that was classic
Tw: i'm losing it

2.

Ian: yo wanna go kap to muggg?
Tw: no, it's damn late and i wanna go home. how abt tmr? a couple of us are mugging at orchard
I: no lar, i can't mug outside one

3.

N: I'm so not a pink person, it's so bimbotic
Tw: no lar, you look quite sweet in pink! and bimbos are Babes In Total Control of Themselves!
N: er, that's a bitch dear

(i hope the sublime comedy is apparent. heh)

4.
while watching a hot wushu babe practising her swordplay

I: man, she should just stay at home and cook
Tw: or she cld come right up and impale you with her xiaolongniu skills

5.

Joel: A Wife is a useful thing to have
All: rrrighttt
J: see, she can be used to Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc

6.

Joel (again): hey, what to gays do when they fight?
Tw: what
J: they exchange blows



omggg, we're all dying, and seniors all leaving soon/have already left. feeling a tad desperate.

i told my mother abt applying to unis during dinner time, but then i added that not much hope shld be pinned upon them, cos i honestly think my chances are quite slim.

tong si then said: "then why waste money applying?"

right, thanks alot for the vote of confidence.

i suppose only self-doubt is tolerable.

Oh yeah, so apparently the whole film issue is now settled, cos we have sammysam sim who has emerged as filmsoc’s saviour. And what’s even cooler is that she makes a waayy better film v. head than pw-obsessed sl. Yes, it was truly a blessing in disguise. To think that sam didn’t run initially cos she was afraid of all the competition from the other elects. Now sl can screw off and bury herself in peeedubbb..ok will stop harping on the fact that she thinks pw’s better than actually having a cca.

In other news, we celebrated junyong’s birthday today, albeit being a bit late, but all the better, cos he was caught totally unexpected when we burst out with all the party poppers and related shit. Stuffed our faces with cake and GLORIOUS peanuts (: in a tribute to junyong’s nuttiness and his unforgettable peanut joke (ni men hen huasheng lehhh~ you guys are nuts) yayy, <3>

Btw, wasabi nuts are freaking funky lar, they make your nose so bad, but I guess that’s why some pple enjoy SM. (ohman, I did not just say that) haha, shld stop inventing weird allusions abt foos, I remember a particularly cringe worthy one abt erotic berries on zing’s b-day cake (they BURST in your mouth:) ok, am turning into a bawdy fool, and “ignorant as dirt!”

Talking abt which, we had a Peanut War after finishing the cake, which basically involved the peeps split along gender lines and throwing peanuts at each other. Sounds inane, but I assure you it was totally fun. Felt like I was back in orientation 04 again. Oman, sigh, can’t believe all this is going to end. I <3>

Well, was all in good fun. Oh right, we, no the guys were attempting to strip the birthday boy, when the attention inexplicably turned to ian. I don’t have a clue as to why, but ian has always been a favourite stripee object, haha. Funniest thing was when han chased ian all the way to Chinese high (er, that’s a pretty long way off, if you ask me), he got caught by some anal retentive teacher for running around and grabbing other boys (I suspect this is some underground clamp down on all homosexual activity in tchs…ooohhh) anyway, han landed his “lily-white Indonesian ass” (in his own words, mind you) in CS (corrective service for the uninitiated:p). we all had a good laugh abt it..heh

And there’s ld exco jts tmr!! Yay!! It’s at some posh place that our resident taitai keith picked out, called Merchant’s Court in Swissotel, and there’s buffet. Heh, keith’s so considerate(: oh no, am gaining weight like crazy, but hopefully I’ll be able to shed it all off at the end of the yr or sth (hey, I was at my skinniest post o’s and prom time) oh yeah.

Hmm, apparently xiaxue’s blog was hacked into, and all the 12 blogs and gmail account were hacked into. Singapore’s bona fide bog queen has just gotten jacked, but hopefully she’ll be back bigger and better. Cos she’s such a guilty bimbotic pleasure… heh

Right, better stop wasting so much time playing and start doing some proper work.

Ok, am off for dinner, then hopefully some productive time will be spent later on(: chin up girl.

sigh, everything seems to be falling apart now, sook lee, for some insane reason has decided to pull out of exco right after handover ceremony. wtf la. i smsed her to ask for an explanation abt her decision, and her reply was: "decision abt what?"
well, let's see, the decision where you simultaneously jacked 354646 ppl and any hopes of the cca functioning properly. she hasn't even started doing anything and she's already quitting. and amazingly, after she finally comprehended my question, she provided a couple of reasons, one of which includes PW. seriously, WTF?!?!?
am hyperventilating with rage now. wth did she even run in the first place. wisely refrained from calling her and stuck to using sms instead, cos i'm pretty sure i would have shouted some unpleasant stuff. following which, i would probably be decapitated by her despot of a father. (ok, am really pissed now...arghhh)

breatheeeee
wheew

will talk to her nicely tmr and try not to place her in WWF style headlock.
good grief....PW?!?! and i found out that she doesn't even have any other ccas.fine, she can remain an unparticipative, irresponsible, souless vacuum for all i care.

just really heartbroken that the club's gonna be interuppted cos of some uninitiated little twerp who decided to stand for elections just to see if she could get the post or sth. in retrospect, this makes all her earnestness at the interview so artificial.sigh. whatever, i'm sure gina can handle this :)
proof that abandoning the PEARLS system was a bad idea, cos now plenty of pple think ccas are no longer important. ok am getting incoherent.

arghh, am in no mood to do s lit presentation, which is tmr. oh no.

woohoo, school's out until thursday. i think the school's kinda afraid that we'll burn out or something, anyway, i love mr white!! heh, he exudes this sex-egenarian charm, and he's in pretty good shape for a sixty yr old :) haha, owell, back in school for some crappy ld thing. can't wait to FINALLY hand over. hmm, was pretty fun in retrospect, though i really felt like smothering some ppl a couple of times :X

can't believe that more than half a year is gone. arghhh, jc life is ending. i wanna start all over again, and i promise not to slack so much ;)

ok, really blogging just to kill time, cos i haven't got any angsty shit to pour out, but i've been surfing blogs, as usual, and ickleoriental's seemingly perfect life is sooo cute! she's in her twenties, has a deccent career as a journalist or something, has a cool "hubba"- some ex national sportsman. ok, being reallly sadd, cos i've nothing better to do. meeting a couple of friends at tea party tmr, so that should be cool. :) oh yeaahh, piggg out.

a bit of post blocks yayity here :) but berns just has to keep reminding everyone that it's "only 72 days to prelims" geez, i have a theory that that boy's gonna die young and possibly quite brilliant. i mean, coagulated yellow mucus plus dark red blood coming out of your mouth? that sounds like a case of dickensian consumption or something. hmm, hope he takes better care of himself. anyway, am quite screwed for geog, messed up one whole drq-omg. but, am determined to not worry about it for the next 2 days or so...the panicking can set in on tuesday.

spent yesterday bumming (aside from the first 3 hrs of torture in the morning) went to ian's house to watch a movie..heheh, being the cheapos that we are, we refused to fork out bloody 9 bucks for a movie, so we watched truman's show, which was pretty brilliant. i didn't cringe at jim carrey for a single moment in the whole 2 hours, so that was quite a record :) oh no, i think i'm turning into one of those vainglorious ppl who think they're above good ol' toilet humour :) heh. stuffed myself sick with pizza/pasta and gained all the weight that i lost during blocks mugging period-in the span of a SINGLE meal -_- carbs are EVIL !

ian's house rocks, and his room is really cute, cos his mummy buys him all these inspirational posters and he has them all over the room- "the strength inside you is the greatest strength of all" ,but his toilet paper was pretty creepy, they had pink flowers printed all over, haha. spent time talking cock and various gossipy shit. zing and i are both wallowing in our common ground-we're both loser tv junkies. haha, we'll watch anything, seriously. i proudly proclaim that i love channel 8. drama serials are strangely carthartic, and i am actually considering a career as a script writer. man, i'd have those aunties from toa payoh to jurong all tuned in.mediacorp will looove meee:) haha, am going a bit mad from all the tv watching- i counted-14 hours of tv today hoho. and waayy too many hahas. it's telling of my mental status whenever i repeat something too many times, haha.

then rushed home to change before heading out to meet sen n sherry for a concert at te third place. was expecting a whole slew of evangelical hymns, but was pleaseantly surprised. the band was cool, but it was the sharing that really meant somehting. :) those 2 girls were really brave to share something so intensely private with a couple of strangers, so kudos for their effort. i hope their faith never leaves them, cannot possibly imagine the devastation. but such things don't happen overnight, do they?

anyway, am beat, it's going to be a looong day tmr. have anthony's bbq thingy to look forward to!! haha, pig out session again:) life's gooood for now, and thank God:):):)

hmm, been spending an obscene amount of time surfing the web, reading blogs, gossip sites etc. quite a waste of time, but it's, haha, strangely enjoyable. just spent one n a half hrs on awfulplasticsurgery.com looking at celeb picks. yes, i know, it's such a loser thing to do. argh, wasting my life away. hmm, have been feeling strangely bad-tempered these days, esp towards ts. but seriously, she's morphing into paris hilton/random spoilt brat. she's bought a total of 3 outfits for her prom, which is more than half a yr away. goodness, and now she's complaining that she HAS to get a new skirt cos she's bored with the outfits (one of which she hasn't even worn,omg), n cos she accidentally worn one out before, so her friends have seen it n it wld be social suicide to let them see her wearing it again or sth. wth, ok this is all extremely petty, but i just get so irritated. got into a little screaming match with her just now which got both of us a scolding. ack. argh, ok breathe.

i feel like ripping up all her mini bikinis and halter tops and weird skimpy shit now. haha, i won't feel the pain, cos it's not like i can fit into those things anyway :/...owell, must stop being so whiny, on hindsight, i'm pretty spoilt myself. (ok, fine, this reflective, remorseful business isn't really working out)hmm, must learn how to deal with situations like this eg offer to save money by helping her sew her damn prom outfit or sth. thank goodness she thinks it's uncool to have it tailored, and has/will settle for a generic daniel yam thingy.

a week plus till blocks. quite scared cos haven't been too productive. watching waayyy too much tv. am trying to cut down on 7 pm drama serial, charmed, smallville, csi,friends reruns etcetc
hmm, on a slightly happier note, ld stuff's gonna end soon, so yay for that, just various admin loose ends to tie up now. film camp was alright i guess, really grateful to the pple who turned up, owell, it's our first time doing it, so admittedly it was a bit rough on the edges. kudos to sihui, shuhui, melvin,shumay,woes xi, keith, shuki, anna, sen etc for helping out. glad the kids (actually, i shld stop referring to them as kids, most of them are bigger than i am) enjoyed it. Mr Foo was cool, even though her brought some weird pirated copy of a movie and screwed up the video system abit.heh.

n sher's birthday is coming!:) here's an advanced happy birthday to u dear!!

omg. 12 am essay crisis. argh chaucer is kkkiiiiillllinggg meeeeeeeee. argh shit, still have not touched shakespeare stuff. am going to dieeeee. ok, just had to get away for a while and whine - how sad, to no one in particular. humph. and hate realplayer.

hoho, qing, you've gotta read this
SCUM Manifesto (Society for Cutting Up Men) was published by Valerie Solanas

Eaten up with guilt, shame, fears and insecurities and obtaining, if he's lucky, a barely perceptible physical feeling, the male is, nonetheless, obsessed with screwing; he'll swim a river of snot, wade nostril-deep through a mile of vomit, if he thinks there'll be a friendly pussy awaiting him. He'll screw a woman he despises, any snaggle-toothed hag, and furthermore, pay for the opportunity. Why? Relieving physical tension isn't the answer, as masturbation suffices for that. It's not ego satisfaction; that doesn't explain screwing corpses and babies.

Solanas argued throughout the entire book for the elimination of men:

Retaining the male has not even the dubious purpose of reproduction. The male is a biological accident: the y(male) gene is an incomplete x(female) gene, that is, has an incomplete set of chromosomes. In other words, the male is an incomplete female, a walking abortion, aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples.

hmmm, and i thought germaine greer was disturbing enough, in comparison to solanas n dworkin (suitably ghastly name btw..), greer's like a kindly old lady...heh

plus it's damn sad, the way she (solanas) tried to kill andy warhol after he refused to produce her play "up your ass" about a man hating prostitue (in classic tradition of art imitating life--or is it the other way round?--nevermind, you get the gist--play was prob abt herself), and her gun jammed after a few shots. apparently she thought a.w. was a vampire, so she spray painted the bullets silver. she initially wanted to wrap the bullets in silver foil, but didn't do so cos she was afraid the gun would jam (which it still did anyway.) sigh.
but the amazing thing was, a.w. refused to testify against her even though he barely survived the murder attempt (he never recoverd fully). hmmm, what did he feel for her? admiration?pity?owells, am feeling bimbotic today, so probably will not ponder such deep thoughts.heh.


in other news, am planning to see mr b soon, but wanna wait for a private moment, cos i don't want him insulting me in fronmt of so many others, quite devastating. but i've mentally prepared myself for all the horrib,e things he's gonna say. mr white will probably be more comforting, but sometimes you need somene to slap you right across your face to wake you up. and stop you from watching all thoses meaningless, time-consuming tv programmes--tv is evilll!!! oman, what do i see on wu zong xian--he's not even funny, in fact, his humour is pretty tasteless..ugh, must stop obsession with reality tv n other similar celebrity-generated crap.

production is starting to overwhelm, and the real work hasn't even begun yet. sigh, mild resentment towards k, wish he wasn't so lazy n non-commital. argh, and have film camp stuff to fret over. so why am i still wasting time blogging?!?! or/and being serial blog-reader--j's blog is DISGUSTING btw... "harvard or yale??? my heart says yale, but my head says harvard" she's collecting all the entrance acceptances like trophies n depriving othes of a place. damn immoral la. why apply when you already have other plans? humph, ok, am being shamelessly jealous of her. n peck! luckylucky girl who flew off to stanford yesterday. hmm, hope she brings back interesting stuff :)

still don't get numerical mtds.

ok well, will go off swimming now.
edit/haha, as if....):

http://www.mistersingapore.org/mistersingapore/Contestants/contestants.htm

Omg, was rofl at these poor dudes who have been conned into participating in this sad sack of a beauty pageant. Almost died when i saw the very conspicuous "Paya Lebar-Photo Not Available". Quite in anticipation of Mister Queenstown, but sadly he must have failed to make the cut. Which just goes to show what miserable people we have in fako ghetto land (think Queensway//Bronx:/)- I mean, what kind of pathetic hunk does one have to be to out-pout Mr. Toa Payoh and his bee stung smackers?!?! Mr Yishun positively looks like a computer-generated gigolo in Sims 5 or something. Mr Hougang has got to be the worst sod there, with his "I-wanna-be-a-black-eyed-pea" hair, I wouldn't be surprised if his previous residence was Queenstown (think of pseudo black street culture again).

ok, have not managed to wrangle some utility from insulting all these unknown people, whom i'm sure are decent guys in real life, but yeah, i'm just bored and in a foul mood.

am kinda looking forward to weekend (duh) cos there's humans party:) hmmm, seem to be pigging out every single weekend since christmas. not good for waistline.haven't excercised properly or prepared for nafa on mon, so am quite dead. plus have incomprehensible complex nos n utterly "huh?!?!" discrete r.v. to go figure out. plus all the usual econs and geog shit. argh, this is so sad, my life is so bitter. whine!!

on slightly happier note, there's all the pigging out n meeting with qing n sher going on this weeekend, sooo yayy:)

to sherry: any of these guys fit your wakeboarder/surfer profile? heh.

yesss, post blocks stress relief..ahhhaaaahaaa. went to watch the woodsman today w friends. was damn good, though highly highly disturbing. ok, am too wonked out to provide insightful analysis of the film, but trust me on this- it's damn goood!!! vv sad, cried a bit when robin (this 12 yr old that walter is trying to XXX) revealed her history of sexual abuse by her father.

Scene at the park bench:

W: Would you like to come sit on my lap?
R: What?
W: I said would you like to sit on my lap?
R: No, no thank you.
(R's face starts to crumple)
My father always asks me to do that
W: Do you like sitting on his lap? do you like it when he asks you that?
R: (crying by now) No
W: does he tell you weird things and moves his legs in funny ways?
R: (continues weeping.)

silence

R: would you still like me to sit on your lap? you know, cos i wouldn't mind.
W: no. no, it's alright. go home robin.


omgggg...kevin bacon is firggin good as walter, there're times when you wanna slap him upside down, yet you somehow accept that he's trying to change (with varying degrees of success, but the effort is commendable). ensemble cast was also vv good, even the side characters were memorable.

gahhh, wanna watch it again. heh, thank goodness we didn't go watch stage beauty or miss congeniality 2 (which han n nurul said sucked, btw.)

anyway, am in a laidback mood, and am determined to exercise a bit before major pigout session this weekend. (haven't found a stupid costume for the party yet, but i figure i'll just go as messed up corpse in brown sack. no need for much preparation there..)

also feeling a bit vindictive, cos joyce yap (ex fellow guide/ex-classmate from crescent) ripped off my cool msn nick. humph. but wth, this shows that my nicks rock. haha, even the ones that merely say tw. heheh. ok, am not making any sense here. but who cares, cos i'm happpyyyy:)

edit/
new musical discovery of the week: fiona apple!
am on a paperbag high. :)

uhh.freezing in the sch library now, pretty much wasted the past 2 hrs blog surfing...heheh, was hoping to be inspired by various success stories from the seniors.

qing: two of my seniors have set up a cool site peddaling their handmade earrings. it's quite a good idea, and theyeven have a page explaining the various modes of payment available. you n sher shld go check it out: rachaelandjudith.com :)

yep, owell. went for the uk uni talk on fri w sihui. spent most ofmytime there pigging out at the buffet table (damn, the chicken wings ran out real quickly...) the professors/administrators all sounded like tired otur guides. esp this guy called jo, who was v earnest and adorably nervous when talkig to us, he kept saying "okkaiiiee" in a british accent, and it was allquite endearing really, as compared to the law prof fr kings (forgot his name), who quite blatantly fell asleep during his collegues's speeches. hmmm.then went to pig out, and in the process talked to the edb hr person, who's in charge of interviewing aspiring scholars. i think i was quite rude then, talking with my mouth full n oily n everything. must have been quite a sight..haha. hah had to demand that i stop eating and leave so she could get home in time for dinner..heheheh.

saw quite a number of ex-cresecentians and various pri sch mates at the exhibition on fri n sat.hmm, quite petrified that we're all competing for the same thing(s).in othernews, i can't stop eating, i'm hoping against hope that all the weight i've gained is due to water retention, but somehowww, i don't think so.must stop binging when stressed.

and yesss! am happy for the seniors, who were all pretty happy with their results. 19/47 peepsgot their 4 As, and 32/47 got 3As or more. hx,mel,sheryl,zhuanghui,lynn,em,judith (of course), zhipeng(of course) all got their 4As.
stats:
19/47 got the perfect 432/47got 3 As or more. hmmm,according to my current class ranking, i'm left out !!! ddiieeeee. wail!!!rjc 56%-4Ashci: 43%-4As (i think, some rumours have it at 47%, but still....)
yup, it does look quite bad eh?
ah what the heck, will mug harder. or at least try.

cross country/ian's birthday gathering at nydc


ehh, quite fun(gathering, Not x-ctry), but mostly a massive exchange of gossip re KEITH. ahahaha..so scandalous, our good buddy. i always knew he was a bit of a casanova, but PENNY?!?!? omg, am shocked and vaguely traumatised. hmmm, shall not ramble too much abt k n xiaoqi in front of her fr now onwards. heheh...can't stop sniggering..ah, feel quite mean. then discussed antony n his depression/parallel w some deranged rg chick/bisexual tendancies towards joel (ahhaha) etc


ok, sadly birthday boy occupies the second spot as his fodder is not as juicy as keithy's. the nice guy (ian, not keith, he cldn't come cos Someone is more impt...humph.he actually ditched us a couple of times for her, that ungrateful brat) offered to pay for all meals but then we were too paiseh when the bill arrived ($230.39!!!), so we ended up coughing up our own cash, as a result, am terribly broke now, and jts tmr is going to deplete my cny stash...argh.... basically we just made alot of noise there, but no one really noticed cos everyone else was ...engrossed. anyway, i have a comppliant!!: nydc is friggin ineffiecient, my plate of all american ziti pasta came like 20mins after everyone else's food had arrived, (leon n jyhc finished their pastas before mine had arrived.wahhhh) 3 ppl spent 10 mins counting the orders 5 times before they were convinced that my plate was not in front of me. irritating lack of food added on to general feeling of starvation and heatstroke from the horrible crosscountry. (which EVERYONE ponned except for the competitiors. eeps. haha, my placing was a v miserable 126...)

anyway, am rambling on: then we walked over to ian's house (yesss, the lucky shit literally lives in the middle of orchard road..humph)., sang teh v nice bday song, took pics with his parents and slacked by the pool for a while, then hcpple left him to fend for himself with his ac khjakis. err, apparently there's some sort of weird ac tradition to strip him, so most of us didn't reeallly wanna be there for that.

yup, then by the time i got home almost midnight and all my mugging intentions dissipated by the time i finished bathing (still having a bit of a headache now, though i didn't drink last night. (quite proud of meself :) initially thought it was brain freeze from all the ice cream, but now i think it was the bloody blazing sun during the run--> heatstroke.waahhhh) (ok, am whining alot, but wth.)

cap submissions due on mon, but i haven't finished editing ANYTHING, and hpf hasn't replied, but i'm not really frazzled....yet, let's All Wait Till Sun Night before we Panic k?

i think i dismiss teenage angst waayyy too hastily. antony tried to jump off the railings outside the lt on fri. jonny had to pull him off, and sihan and tee counselled him for like a few hours. i was too freaked to speak to him again until that night, but i called mrs lim and had her inform his dad, who came over for dfeste. yayy, glad he was feeling better after father-son /male-male bonding session :). anyway, he seemed quite alright today,joked a bit, and he even came over from his usual seat beside the curiously silent alvin (i think i spoke to him a grand total of 5 times this past yr...quite sheepish about that) to mingle. mingling is good, and it's much too often maligned for being shallow. one can't always be talking about life, death, sex, love and loss right? haha.

yup, will need to be friendlier, i remember nurul telling me once that i seemed so dao during the first week of sch..seemed to have lost my thick skinned egotistical friendliness after sec 3. *shudder* ok la, sec3-4 wasn't THAT bad....haha;p

am meeting hpf tmr w jy n nurul, and i've got shit to give her la. feel like i'm wasting my mentorship, we talk waaayyy too much crap when we're together. should stop rambling on about iraq/democracy/education in sg etcetc and various other murky issues and focus.hahaha. (ok, this haha thing is varying from the cynical, sarcastic to the plain perverted/retarded) want to go watch some romcom play at wheelock w them after meeting ends:)

tee's being weird as usual and asking everyone to marry him. i think he has some sort of quota to fulfill or sth. anyway, shall try to emulate his mugging successsss....arghhh

love cny (yes, the festivities are still going on in the ooi family, had another reunion dinner yesterday, am growing fat, and the fact that i've had to adjust my skirt buckle is testament to this. i don't have the courage to step up on the weighing scale :/) wanted to go jogging today, but got pulled out by sherry to Walk Around Aimlessly. (wasting our youth staring at lights;p)alright, i think we spent 1 hr plus mugging (futile...) in macdonalds. will go jogging later, and am thinking of bringing tyson in case i get mugged (ahhh, the irony of words..haha. sorry). he's damn irritating, ruining all our furniture, clothes,shoes etcetc. but i'm trying to tame him. can't really bear to give him away. plus bambi's really lovable as a pet, but probably an utterly inept guard dog. haha (i think this one falls under resigned loyalty. or depravity) remember folks, emily is not crazy, she's just mad.

i think i can only blog for a short while until it becomes intolerable.

yesss, dramafeste is finally over. humph feel a tad underappreciated tho. sigh, the backstage org team never gets enough kudos. haha, ok, will stop whining. argh so many essays, so little time.

i saw a flattened mynah on the road last week, with one of its compatriots picking at it. Funny how your friends literally eat you up. i saw the same mynah today, even flatter, crushed by a hundred more cars. its claws were strangely beautiful, spread out like a yellow flower in a dried pressing. the whole road a black strip of a book mark, made by an obscenely morbid being, for the undecipherable book that is Singapore.

************************************************************************************

mildly scandalous discovery: ho poh fun has been carrying a torch for arthur yap for a looooong time, tho he's already got a gay partner (the current one is caucasian)... hmmm, wonder if she knows she's being played like an old fag hag. sad, really... will gently bring it up the next time if see her. (gasp, she wants to meet on v day, cos she doesn't have plans. unfortunately i'm sad n undesireable as well, so i'll be free then. haha.)

There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It’s still a little hard to say what's going on
There’s still a little bit of your ghost your weakness
There’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That i can’t say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
There’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
There’s still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon..

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to crySo come on courage
Teach me to be shy'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare herIt's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna loseIt's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know
-Damien Rice

omg, near obsessed w this song, am looping it ad nauseum, tho am not sick of it--yet.
Damien Rice rocks! but i like a cover one of his fans did..err naomi something or other.
find it here: http://www.eskimofriends.com/mp3.asp lol, look for cannonball by naomi and danny. :)

Human time does not turn in a circle, it runs ahead in a straight line. That is why man cannot be happy: happiness is the longing for repetition.

-Kundera.


Wahhhhh....

went for a jalanjalan session w qing and sher at chinatown yesterday. loved the crowd, tho i'm not sure the other two liked it v much. had a headache for most of yesterday, was foolishly thinking that my eyesight was failing due to unhealthy reading positions. sher provided enlightenment and said that it was probably cos of all the "heaty" stuff i've been eating...hehe, yeah, on hindsight, that's a likely reason... -_-
stuffed myself silly yesterday:

`yin yang dessert (walnut + almond paste-hot)
warm familial feeling, shared various (peanut, seasame) concoctions w 2 vv good friends!

`char quay tiao
i think i gulped down 10 tablespoons of oil, but it was good ($4 tho). then got a tad disgusted by the cockles, cos just after i finished praising them and asking sher n qing to try some, one started to ooze weird reddish black juice from its centre. was kinda piqued, then proceeded to set up "inedible and evil pus oozing marine bivalve mollusks" section on my plate and used my spoon to dissect all the other cockles, whereby they produced a pool of highly questionable liquid. the worse bit: the liquid blended right in with the rest of the dish, black, slimy, a bit bloody. cue plath who says morosely:"the blood berries are themselves, they are very still" lol

i went on to finish the whole plate. (haha, qing ate some too, but i think sherry was secretly disgusted by my dinner but had the courtesy not to say so...)

`chinese rojak w extra you tiao cos qing whined to the tattoed but surprisingly nice rojak uncle who wanted to pass his baton in the art of rojak making to qing... ("ni yao xue zou arh? zhe yang cha cha lor, haha")

`happy vegcrisps
basically a very unhealthy dish that uses a v healthy main ingredient. no one wanted to eat it when i got home cos apparently they had a HUGE dinner while iwas away. humph

`sampled alot of goodies along the way. what! they were offering k...

ohwells have the urge to write sth nice abt yesterday, been feeling like i'm wasting my mentorship, havn't written anything properly for almost a month. eek. will send ms ho a nice cny card to remind her that's she sorta loved... :)

barnard during econs today:
the poor in ethiopia are gruesomely different from the poor in britain. the situation in uk is, if you live in the inner city area of liverpool, u haven't got a car, a tv, an aircon, life is hell. but in ethiopia, u haven't even got food, but the relative poverty is lower.

why?

because they're used to dying over there.

.......

singapore govt trying to find more jobs for retirees, and raising retirement age.

does so on the pretext of letting elderly enjoy their golden years. but seriously, wth wants to spend their shining golden yrs pumping petrol at the neighbourhood shell kiosk?and if they do think that's a fulfilling way to spend one's later yrs, they've probably inhaled too much toxic petroleum fumes which have irrevocably damaged their brain cells, bringing them a step closer to senility.

argh, am being unfeeling bitch here. i'm just terrified of aging.

the deranged hardly ever know about their...disability. i don't want to euphemise it, but i can't help it. do you ever want someone to tell you that you've lost it, that you've gone mad,without you knowing when, or how. who knows the critical point of insanity, the precise moment when your remaining slivers of rationality precipitate into a single morose molecule before dissipating into the misted forests of your mind. wouldn't everyone prefer it this way, instantaneous, buffered by a comforting zone of ignorance, rather than to have it set in slowly, yourself excruciatingly aware of the existence of your mind's non-existence.

take away, all at once.
all at once, take it away.
take it all away, at once.

there ppl, here it comes, it's setting in already...i can feeel it. argh, utterly senseless post.
possible explanation: have been doing plath for the past TWO hours.

nothing much to blog about really, just chugging along in incessant routine. elddfs is taking over my life. there's just so much admin to deal with and nitty gritty details..argh, dramafeste is coming up just as film feste is ending. sigh, attendance was quite miserable, but whatever lar... lol. can't wait for cny. hey! let's go chinatown to jalan jalan!! :D ALOT of food available. been gaining wait at astonishing speed recently (ok, more like for the past month, but weight gain in dec was deserved...)
ewww,econs test soon on national income accounting (?!?!). can't bring myself to mug, am perpetually sleeping. ok, will halt this very boring and ... er boring update.

bye!!! meet up soon!!
***********************************************************************************

the words do not fit in the screen and this is not supposed to happen

Tsunami attacks in South Asia
26th Dec 2004


.


One year from now, this is going to be reduced to a problematic statistic. 130 000 is a horrific number, but who remembers the 100 000 killed in an Iran earthquake exactly one year before? It seems horribly pretentious to be grieving for them. I don’t know anyone involved, I haven’t visited most of those areas, I haven’t even heard of some of those places before this (Khaw Luak ??) I can’t do anything substantial for them, or perhaps I’m too afraid, ignorant, lazy, uninspired to do so. It’s unbearable and out of my depth to think about the victims and perhaps, even worse off, the survivors of the attack. (it‘s weird to use the word “attack”, like when we say “terrorist attack”, but now mother nature herself is the culpable one.) It’s been raining for the past few days, and I’m cold here in Singapore. Wonder how it is for those in Aceh. You know, if this disaster could spark off some inroads to a peace agreement between the central Indonesian government and the Aceh rebels, perhaps there will be at least some good to come out of this catastrophe.

Perhaps it’s best not to think too much about the disaster in it’s whole monstrosity, but to focus on the micro aspects of it. Dive into volunteer work. No, I’m not talking about going to Sri Lanka to help dig mass graves or direct emergency aid. Someone told me this: if you don’t know what you’re going to do, don’t go cos you’ll just be wasting everybody’s time and resources. Stay in Singapore and help ring bells for the RC or help to pack and box donated items. Donating $10 could go a long way if everyone chipped in. Japan has donated US$500 million, the biggest single donation from a country, and it touches me because if you think about it, they weren’t very much affected, in terms of geographical location, they didn’t feel any tremors. Neither did they suffer many casualties in terms of Jap tourist deaths. That’s why Bush frickin pissed me off when he initially commissioned US$35 mil for foreign aid. (He later upped the donation to US$350 mil after being sworn and cursed at by majority of the world, but it‘s still way less then Japan‘s donation, esp if you consider the proportionate size of each country‘s economy). For the record, Singapore only donated US$3 mil, whereas South korea and Taiwan have each donated US$5 mil. Well, if we’ve been experiencing “robust growth”, where have all the excess money gone to. I’m normally blindly adoring the PAP, but it’s disgusting that they prefer to keep the money in order to dangle election goodies for the people. I mean, who else are we going to vote for anyway?

.


Don’t feel guilty that you’re warm and alive while others are cold, in pain, too dead to even feel the pain, too in pain to even remember what pain is. There is no point to this guilt, and your energy would probably be more positively generated into doing actual work. Mere sympathy is not tangible, which translates into uselessness. The survivors won’t feel it, much less the deceased victims.

Tsunami attacks in South Asia
26th Dec 2004

.

One year from now, this is going to be reduced to a problematic statistic. 130 000 is a horrific number, but who remembers the 100 000 killed in an Iran earthquake exactly one year before? It seems horribly pretentious to be grieving for them. I don’t know anyone involved, I haven’t visited most of those areas, I haven’t even heard of some of those places before this (Khaw Luak ??) I can’t do anything substantial for them, or perhaps I’m too afraid, ignorant, lazy, uninspired to do so. It’s unbearable and out of my depth to think about the victims and perhaps, even worse off, the survivors of the attack. (it‘s weird to use the word “attack”, like when we say “terrorist attack”, but now mother nature herself is the culpable one.) It’s been raining for the past few days, and I’m cold here in Singapore. Wonder how it is for those in Aceh. You know, if this disaster could spark off some in roads to a peace agreement between the central Indonesian government and the Aceh rebels, perhaps there will be at least some good to come out of this catastrophe.

Perhaps it’s best not to think too much about the disaster in it’s whole monstrosity, but to focus on the icro aspects of it. Dive into volunteer work, no I’m not talking about going to Sri Lanka to help dig mass graves or direct emergency aid. Someone told me this: if you don’t know what you’re going to do, don’t gp cos you’ll just be wasting everybody’s time and resources. Stay in Singapore and help ring bells for the RC or help to pack and box donated items. Donating $10 could go a long way if everyone chipped in. Japan has donated US$500 million, the biggest single donation from a country, and it touches me because if you think about it, they weren’t very much affected, in terms of geographical location, they didn’t feel any tremors or suffer much casualties in terms of Jap tourist deaths. That’s why Bush frickin pissed me off when he initially commissioned US$35 mil. (He later upped the donation to US$350 mil, but it‘s still way less then Japan‘s donation, esp if you consider the proportionate size of each country‘s economy). For the record, Singapore only donated US$3 mil, whereas south korea and Taiwan have each donated US$5 mil. Well, if we’ve been experiencing “robust growth”, where have all the excess money gone to. I’m normally blindly adoring the PAP, but it’s disgusting that they prefer to keep the money in order to dangle election goodies for the people. I mean, who else are we going to vote for anyway?


.


Don’t feel guilty that you’re warm and alive while others are cold, in pain, too dead to even feel the pain, too in pain to even remember what pain is. There is no point to this guilt, and your energy would probably be more positively generated into doing actual work. Mere sympathy is not tangible, which translates into uselessness. The survivors won’t feel it, much less the deceased victims.

Disclaimer: I’m NOT turning into some uncontrollable wild child/ah lian!!! Plus my parents are (kinda) ok with the drinking. PLUS I was with the responsible sihui, PLUS we had her sister (who‘s of legal age..21/22) to chaperone us :p

I can’t believe I actually got into this tworks internship thingy cos of moe. (!!!) they’d probably flip once they got to know what the interns do there…

brief summary:
Learned to roll tobacco in flimsy paper today (ie diy cigarette), thanks to corrupters alan and Cynthia. Dawn apparently took a puff of alan’s pipe the other day… horrors! I then stupidly took a puff of alan’s cig, which tasted absolutely disgusting. But I’m quite glad I did that, cos now I know never to smoke… ever. It stinks up your breath like nobody’s business, and I started hacking away, quite in trepidation over discoloring of teeth… but if there’s ever a plus side, alan’s cig didn’t contain tar… impt trivia: every stick of cigarette you smoke shortens your (already damn short) life by FIVE MINS. (!!!)

Public service msg of the day: Don’t Smoke!
***brief reminder to self: drugs are reallllly bad !!!


Ok, anyway, have yet to settle down to do any serious studying, been pushing back pinter essay and integration hmwk for a few weeks now.. feel evil. Which reminds me of the fact that possible holiday in 546535 years could be cancelled due to shortage of tickets..why?!?!? *whine*


Hm, scares me how my mood changes so drastically from week to week…two weeks ago(internship with law firm), I was in wannabe- bigshot- lawyer-so-don’t-mess-with-me mood, then last mon was self-indulging in poetic outburst after meeting with hopohfun, then last week (LD camp for newtown pri sch kids)was in maternal awww-kiddies-come-here-and-eat-now mode, this week, have descended to theaterworks-is-a-coolshit-place-where-I-might-potentially-pick-up-bad-habits abyss. Ack.

I mean, I’m actually proud of the fact that I hold my alcohol quite well :) unlike in sec 2 when I fell sick (for a week, lol) after 2 glasses of crap wine. I didn’t even suffer from a hangover this time. :D

Alright. has occurred to me that I sound like a pathetic deprived teen let loose on a booze rampage. Haha. Booze is (occasionally) good…I volunteer to provide some when we next meet ppl! ok, will revert back to mugger status and (attempt to) finish up ghastly pinter essay.

[edit] will like to make brief insertion: zouk is really not that fun, damn smoky (awkward and completely useless fog which did not contribute to ambience one bit, mixed with fatal amounts of second hand smoke) and obstructive speakerboxes everywhere blocking your view. techno music sucks (sorry..but it's true) the light and sound technicians there ought to be fired. the popcorn machine guy should also be fired. the popcorn machine itself should be dismantled and sent back to china/thailand/vietnam/taiwan. "free flow of popcorn" ended after ONE miserable cup. ugly bouncers should also be sent back to their chinatown "buy three get one free" tailor. cos their psuedo tough-bodyguard suits were appalling and were a hazard to the already pathetic public like myself. plus they had b.o., and were stingy about the beer..humpf, refused to let us bring the beer out, cos it was "against the management's policy" (i think zouk management only follows their own rules selectively..e.g. big bouncer smoking next to "smoking:fine $500" sign. e.g. unknown c-grade celebrity taking pictures of/with herself despite the ""no cameras allowed sign). people should stop guaranteeing "free-flow" if they're gonna be sooo anal. poser z-grade celebrities should stop wearing sunglasses at 10 pm at night...for pete's sake..carrie chong..who?? (haha, apparently some sad ass perfect 10 dj...)(why am i being so bitchy today??!!) electrico was good though, will check out their website sometime, since i couldn't hear half their lyrics.

ok, enough bitching...night!

10/12/04

Really tired, but I want to record this down. Had a long day at tworks yesterday, the whole show at nafa only ended at 4 am, but grace sent us home early (12 am) on account that we were only 17...haha. Anyway, surprise, surprise, attendence was actually quite good, even though it was only mostly the artists and their friends. Will start from beginning, right when I got to meet alan; flamboyant lights & sound technician (not v sure abt his sexual orientation); scott; another semi-gay technician (saw him at zouk just now…but more abt that later on); siling; ex-crescentian from 4g2;grace; really stressed up stage manager (I received an sms from her at 4 plus! It‘s weird to know that she was thinking abt me at that hour…); Natalie; another really stressed up sm; Vivian; ditto; Janice; sm/pm


Janice: got to ride on her motorbike when she drove us to nafa…it was a cool ride with the night wind and all that. Could (almost) feel my hair billowing somewhat under my helmet, though it was probably the few stray bits sticking out of the helmet that caught the breeze. But whatever, at least there was some amt of billowing going on. Though it would be scary when she made turns, from what I see on the roads (tsk, a few motorists tarnish the whole image), with all the dangerous bends and the bike leaning at ridiculously precarious angles. All in all, love her bike, love her too, though am not going to get one for myself anytime soon though (the bike, not janice).


Sharon: voluptuous foodie. Never knew that arranging food was such an intricate art. “presentation is very important!” bread can and should be arranged Italian style whatever that is. Pate rocks in a bowl on its own (will try and get ts to make some crab and lemon pate, it kicks ass :D) cheese platters stink at first, but once get them, they’re really not bad, or maybe it’s just the thrill of slipping them into your mouth when you think no one’s looking. J



11/12/04 Zouk!

Hmmm, not as exciting as I expected, but still, it was a great night out with sihui and her sis, who’s (thankfully) of legal age, and could chaperone us..haha.. Surprisingly, no one asked to check our ids, so that was good…J bummed around inside and finished up 2 bottles of tiger beer on my own…*hic* can feel a headache coming up, I’m going to be so dead tmr. Wow, I’m surprised I can actually type, though my grammar’s a tad shaky and I know no other synonym for “surprised”. oh well. Desperately need the bed, night.

ugh, don't know what i signed up for..FCP (flying circus project) sounds like a total nightmare. no pay; no food; no cip hours; no rest. seriously, the job at famous amos had better conditions, at least i got to da pao unsold cookies, on top of getting paid!!!! i mean, i don't reaaallly have a "passion" for theatre, especially not this sort of experimental types.. pose in awkward positions for 30 mins and call it art?!?! i might as well go peek through the glass at california fitness centre when they conduct yoga classes. the strangest thing is, some of the "performances" are scheduled at 2.00 am(?!?!) wth's coming?!?! oh well, i'm being mean here, and belittling what some of these artists have been working for a major proportion of their adult lives. ack, but i'm only 17, i can't work 25 hour days...mugging for promos just about killed me already.

BUT, will attempt to see the good side of this... some of the palestinian artists will probably be performing about homeland issues, i heard the performances are going to be abt terrorism and other Big Issues. So, that will probably make me feel alot better abt the world right now.

excerpt from theatreworks writeup:

Theatreworks asks, What is Asian in this age of globalisation, internationalization, modernisation and urbanisation? Its work exists on the tension between modernity and tradition; local and global. It hopes to rethink what is Western, what is Eastern, what is first world and what is third world: Do these dichotomies continue to make sense in the new millennium? Representing the continuum between tradition and contemporary, the work is unafraid to be exotic and yet conceptual. Theatreworks' aesthetics projects the hybrid identity of the modern Asian and embrace the multiple realities.

Apart from intercultural concerns, Theatreworks' recent works have challenged accepted history through a genre of docu-performance. Such works question the process of documentation itself. It points to the slippage when translation occurs: linguistic translation, translation from fact into history into myth into performance. These works, the latest being 'The Continuum: Beyond the Killing Fields', ultimately deal with the realm of myth making in modern societies.


ommmm...will go off to Meditate and attain Artistic Nirvana

Been busy with the law firm attachment for the past 2 weeks, met at ton (ok, really, actually 6, generously speaking…) of wonderful ppl.minor fan girl syndrome kicked in when I got to know Mr. Chandra K Nair Mohan, PBM. Senior counsel, NMP, part of (hellishly evil, at times hopelessly incompetent, but still…) MOE team. (PW?!?!?), proud father of 2 children (one especially gorgeous acjc rugby team captain I‘ve never seen before, but believe to possess aforementioned characteristic, if he‘s anything like his dad..haha, I‘m disgusting.) anyway, being the shallow cheapskate who’s easily bought over with copious amounts of food, I have formulated the very profound opinion that all people who contribute to the Feed Tong Wei Scheme are Good People. :D Learnt loads, and am bugging mr mohan to let us (stacy hcjc, arika vjc and me) to tail him for another 2 additional days. Can’t wait to see him in action, defending for this partially blind guy who “accidentally” molested some girls on a bus. Rena (temasek poly attachee) picked out some loopholes in his case eg

Blind man: no one helps me!!
Blind man again: I’m v independent! I take public transport on my own everyday!
Blind man yet again: I’m partially blind !!
Mohan: where’s your medical cert?
Blind Man once more, getting slightly irritating n irritated: dun haf.

Eeps. Not v convincing right? Though I was initially on his side, cos the plaintiff sounded like an overzealous LV toting piece of shit, complaining about someone brushing past your behind on a crowed bus… then, discovered that that there were many more plaintiffs (gasp!) sueing him as well.

Right, so that seems pretty interesting. ugh, quite disgusted by voyeuristic tendencies (being molested and traumatised isn't something you want everyone to know), but i can't help it...

Anyway. Film soc’s first full fledge short film is finally completed!!! Yay!!! Horrifying number of crises cropped up eg no camera, kena scolded by ah peks for being disrespectful to the gods when filming near a temple, no money, no tape, never save movie properly, looming possibility of being sued by wong kar wai for flouting copyright rules (but, you see, legitimate reason: the 2046 soundtrack covers flaws in the film by distracting pple..lol) etc etc. oh well, but I guess it turned out ok. Highly impossible that we’ll win anything though, cos the whole film has completely NO dialogue. It could account for itself to be one of those motions that speak through the silence (v Pintersque) communicating the oppression of jaded city dwellers in some artistically warped fashion reflecting the film makers' depravity. No, not really… but whatever, am starting to crap. haha, happy we got sth done at last.

Probably will be busy with theaterworks internship next month (The Flying Circus Project). Come watch! Then it’s mugging for next yr. Sigh.

I can’t believe j1’s over.

Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note -
Amiri Baraka

Lately, I've become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus...

Things have come to that.
And now, each night I count the stars.
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.
Nobody sings anymore.
And then last night I tiptoed up
To my daughter's room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there...
Only she on her knees,
peeking into
Her own clasped hands

***********************************
haha, oh well, not really suicidal, just bummed about promos and sucky results. two more to collect. argh..going crazy.

The Three Oddest Words


When I pronounce the word Future,
the first syllable already belongs to the past.
When I pronounce the word Silence,
I destroy it.
When I pronounce the word Nothing,
I make something no non-being can hold.


Wislawa Szymborska (1996 Noble Literature Laureate)

yay! in my opinion, she's way better than this year's nobel literature laureate. i mean, "The Piano Teacher" is kinda high class porn....what with sex for violent gratification, self mutilation of your genitals (?!!!?)..right....


in other news, i finally found a job with famous amos selling their cookies. working hours are on weekends from 6pm-11pm. yep, it's quite late, so my mum's a bit worried that i might not be able to cope, and i'm starting to see some sense in her reasoning. i should probably get another job in queenstown (anchorage...) that has earlier working hours. qing, what did your parents say abt the job?

am relatively happy, though still mugging for chinese ao. lao shi is so friggin nice that if i don't do well, i'll most probably kill myself out of guilt.love lao shi....hmmm, we should all work hard since it's her last year of teaching (scandal: she can't stand the hod,so she's quitting in protest..BUT she'll forfeit 30 yrs worth of govt pension for civil servants.*gasp*)

oh, by the way, will join in the unanimous chorus:

pw sucks!!!!!

an island emerges, and the future peeks out

promos are over, therefore, am temporarily (very) happy. went to bedok jetty in east coast with friends (i never want to forget, so, : huizhen,shuki,xy,nurul,penny,peck,ruimin,faith,anthony)

took alot of pics, with various people standing by the sea, holding their catch. even though it drizzled for a while and the sunset disappeared before we noticed, fishing was still wonderful. i had imagined that all of us would be standing in the magnificent backdrop of a placidly setting sun, but it was grey by the time we got there (around 6). somehow, the diminished sky was not reflected on our moods, the wind thrashing the paper plates , the satay (love nurul), the coconuts. perhaps it was due to the weather, but the waves seemed exceptionally loud, crashing and receding.

i was just taking a look at the pictures, they were beautiful. we were beautiful.
not in a supermodel milla jovovich way, but in our own youth at seventeen, the glamour was/is overpowering. yes, we were all stinky and sweaty, zhen's hands stank from handling the fishes, but we were, or at least i was, happy. stupidly, dastardly happy posing beside our 10 cm long fishes no one would normally eat. (in our defence, they were small, but we caught quite a few) (haha, they were an awkward size, too big to be eaten as ikan bilis, but far too small to make a decent meal)

an unknown virtual thanks to them (the people, not so much the fishies) for making the first thing i do after promos so enjoyable, esp zhen (for suggesting it, for sending us back, and for general "zhenness"..haha couldn't be more accurate, if translated to chinese); nurul (for providing satay for all us bums, we love you because of that, and so much more);anthony (for bringing the rods, without which we wouldn't be able to fish....duh)

good grief, i sound like i'm writing an eulogy. it is, in a way, i think, a fitting way to commemorate the night. i hope that's not the peak, cos then it would mean there's only downhill to go.

right, bottom line is, i'm in love with fishing! not so much the activity perhaps, but the company one has.cheers to the 04a15 peeps.(: